This is what I wanted and still want....

This week started out really bad. I was in a funky mood and instead of saying our safe-word so I could take a time out...I let things pile up and I had an angry outburst while Mistress and I were running errands.

She is not pleased with me and let me know my punishment is going to be more severe than any before. She is waiting for our company to leave this time next week to give me my punishment. I am doing my best to make it up to Her...but to no avail so far.

She reminded me that this is what I had asked for and agreed to when She collared me on New Years. She is absolutely right...this is what I consented to and She isnt forcing me to remain Her slave. I know I can put a stop to this at any time but I dont want to. Her dominance helps me feel secure and safe. Even though I dont understand why She says and does things sometimes...I know She always has my best interest at heart.

I have a very strong personality and I speak my mind more often than not...however I have always had a severe yearning to submit...to have someone dominate me. Someone I could trust with my life and know that even during moments of extreme pain....they would never do anything that would really hurt me in any way.

I have found that person in Mistress. Not only is She my Mistress but She is my best friend, lover, wife,my primary, the co-parent of my daughters and the one person who knows me better than I know myself. I am confident I'm not going to enjoy my punishment but I know it will deepen my submission and Mistress knows best.

Craving calgon......

It was our youngest daughter's birthday party today. I am exhausted from deep cleaning the house, cooking and getting everything ready. We had a house full and everyone had a great time. When everyone left I found out our bathroom is clogged up again. I called Mistress (She is out taking our oldest grandson home) and She said She would handle it when She gets back home. This sucks because I was sooo looking forward to taking a hot bubble bath to relax from today. Mistress is tired too and said we are going to bed early tonight. I hope She can fix the bathroom easily so we can clean up without having to go over to our oldest daughter's house.

Our company was gone last night and we made the most of it. We continued from the other night by taking our time making love. When we were finished we fell asleep in each other's arms. I have mixed feelings about sharing those kind of moments on this blog. I dont mind sharing the details of my punishments but some things are sacred and I want to keep those between Mistress and I. Mistress just called and is on Her way home. I am going to go greet Her at the door.

-Bella

My surprise....Round One

Mistress woke up in a really good mood on Wednesday. I made us coffee with steak and eggs for breakfast. She said She was tired and wanted us to go lay back down. The moment I laid down She was on top of me. She raised my arms over my head...told me not to move...and started kissing me which always makes me wet. She reached down and spread my legs open and then "smack"...She slapped my pussy. I almost came right then and there. She continued slapping my pussy while biting on my nipples. I was getting really wet and felt like I was beginning to cum. "Nope" Mistress said and I stopped myself from cumming by trying to hold still. Mistress then started flicking and pinching my clit and it felt damn good. She then told me I could cum as many times and as hard as I could because I was doing better with my attitude. I obliged. When I came so hard that I lost the ability to speak Mistress took a break. We were going to go for round 2 but we got a phone call and had to leave to take care of a family situation. We have company again so round 2 will be tomorrow....I hope :) 

-Bella

Everything at once...

1st our microwave is giving out. 2nd our refrigerator is leaking. 3rd which happened this morning is our bathroom plumbing is clogged up. Mistress tried Drano to no avail. I am not to do anything that involves the kitchen sink either. Luckily our oldest daughter lives in the same complex as we do so we use her bathroom and shower.

The thing that makes it worse is that we have company. They completely understand but I feel horrible because Im unable to clean the kitchen or the bathroom. Mistress told me to let it go but seeing the dirty dishes in the sink is driving my OCD bonkers.This morning I competely forgot our company was here...they were still in the other room laying down...and I said "Good morning Mistress". My eyes got wide the moment I said it because I heard one of them giggle. Mistress gave me a good morning kiss and paid them no mind. I followed Her lead.
Mistress said She has a special surprise for me for tomorrow.I have no clue what it is...She wont even give me a hint :-( . Im thinking it may be the cage which is sitting off of our living room. We have dogs so no one will question why its there. However I spend more time in there than the dogs. Im ambivalent when it comes to the cage. I love that Im short enough to fit in there with plenty of room to move somewhat. I hate that once Im in there I never know when Im allowed to get out. I know its for my own good that Mistress puts me in there. Its Her form of a time-out for me to remind me of my place. I enter being a smart-ass and I exit deeper in my submission to Her.

What are your thoughts on being put in a cage???

-Bella

Happy Martin Luther King Day everyone

We are having a family day and watching his speech on youtube.


Be safe everyone


-Bella

3rd times the charm...

Yes...I did it again. However instead of waiting to punish me Mistress immediately turned me around and had me bare my ass. Instead of hitting different spots on my ass...She spanked the same spot over and over. Which each spank the stinging turned into an intense burning. Tears came to my eyes but I didnt make a sound. When Mistress was done She whirled me around so I was facing Her nose to nose and said very clearly "DO NOT DO IT AGAIN!!!" She then banned me from the internet for the rest of the night.

Mistress has been inspired by Kaya's latest blog post. If I get out of line again I will be writing sentences while sitting naked on uncooked rice. The idea of that completely squicks me out as I wont sit on simple dirt without a blanket underneath me. Im now making a diligent effort to engage my brain before my mouth.

On a brighter note Im now learning to cook different cuisines. Last night I made california rolls for the first time. They looked nothing like they do in the stores/restaurants but Mistress assured me that they were delicious. Tonight Im making steaks with stuffed mushrooms. Ive made those before of course but tonight Im trying a new recipe for the mushroom filling. Im also getting back into baking again. Mistress told me friday...while looking around at the local sales....that She is getting me new baking pans along with new cake decorating supplies. She knows I cook from the heart. I love baking the cakes for our families birthdays and our get-togethers with friends and family.

Im going to be revamping this blog. I have come across some features I would like to try out and see if I like them. Some readers have messaged me on why I dont post personal pics...Mistress forbids it. I do have one pic of me on a fetish site...only people on my friends list are allowed to see more pics. I thought it a bit odd that someone would ask that question...ah well  :::shrugs:::

I do notice that alot of people read my blog but few comment. Dont be shy...go ahead and introduce yourself. Im going to be implenting the widget so readers can ask questions. I will answer within the guidelines set down by Mistress.

I hope everyone is staying safe & healthy in all the crazy weather everywhere. (((HUGS)))

-Bella

Crossing the line

I crossed the line yet again. Mistress was giving me an even harder bare ass spanking...and it finally dawned on me the reason for it is a combination of things.

I went through horrific things as a young child...things I am now processing with an exceptional trauma therapist over 30 years later. Part of the catharsis of therapy is feeling what I felt then (terror, no control,etc...)which leaves me feeling ungrounded, anxious and angry as hell.

Mistress also recently collared me again after releasing me in March 2009. We are re-establishing boundaries in our renewed dynamic.

Mistress and I talked about everything. She understands that I am dealing with things but Her hard limit is me taking it out on Her. We both agreed on a safe-word I am to say when Im in a head space that I need time to process. That way if Im having a flash-back of something during the day/night and She inquires about my suddenly leaving the room or not answering when She speaks to me...all I have to say is the word and She will know Im working through something internally and not grounded. The same for Her...She has Her limits like everybody else and sometimes needs personal space to deal with personal things without having to elaborate on why.

I am now doing daily meditations along with my self-care routines. I am more than encouraged by Mistress to talk to Her about things... not for Her to "fix" it but so I can verbalize things to make them more real so I can work through them. I am also doing more of my journal and art therapy to help make the internal more external.

As for the renewed dynamic we are both committed to making our marriage work. The BDSM is just an aspect of the bigger picture that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We are confident that through our love, our raw honesty with each other as well as ourselves and our devotion to each other, our children and grandchildren....the Mistress/slave stuff will take care of itself.

Today I am feeling very well and at peace. Its pouring outside but its done nothing to dampen my spirits. This is a new year and I feel in my bones its gonna be the best one yet :)

Punished....

i am not sure what got into me today but i went way over the line with Mistress. i got mouthy several times and didnt heed Her "warning" look. The last time i got mouthy Mistress gave me a pardon because i was soo ill. i got a little to full of myself and forgot the rule of always being respectful to Her.

my punishment was a spanking....and not a pleasurable one but i know thats the point. She had me lay down on the bed...i knew not to move and She left a huge handprint on my ass...which is still stinging. She promised if i got out of line disrespectful again, my whole ass would be stinging. i am going to do my best to not test that limit again.

i live to submit to Her so i dont understand why i went so far in things. Mistress wasnt angry with me...She never punishes me when She is angry...but She is disappointed. i am going to start doing check-ins with myself to figure out where my attitude is coming from.

does anyone else get out of line and not know why???

GO OOMPA-LOOMPA GO!!!

these words were heard from our house last night.

Happy New Year...I am back :)

I am so very sorry its taken me soo long to post again. 2010 was a year from hell for Mistress and I. We have left it in the past and Mistress collared me (again) on January 1,2011.

Mistress is in the process of finding the exact collar she wants me to wear.

She found this site:

http://www.ringofsteel.net/

She likes that they look feminine, are stainless steel and I can wear them under certain blouses that I own. I will post a pic of the actual collar when we get it.

I have many things to write about but it is almost 2 am and I must get to sleep per Mistress's instruction.