Her submissive puppy's ponderings

2011-10-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

I will be deleting this blog on Halloween but I wanted to say goodbye to my readers first. I am no longer with my former mistress. We now lead separate lives. I will not go into details as she is not on here to defend herself. Its been 6 months since I have seen her and I wish her all the best. I am now under consideration of my Sir. We met at a vanilla function over the summer and we were drawn to each other from the get go. I began my training with Him a couple weeks later and are taking things one step at a time.

I will come back to writing a blog at a later time.

This is what I wanted and still want....

2011-01-26T19:28:00.000-08:00

This week started out really bad. I was in a funky mood and instead of saying our safe-word so I could take a time out...I let things pile up and I had an angry outburst while Mistress and I were running errands.

She is not pleased with me and let me know my punishment is going to be more severe than any before. She is waiting for our company to leave this time next week to give me my punishment. I am doing my best to make it up to Her...but to no avail so far.

She reminded me that this is what I had asked for and agreed to when She collared me on New Years. She is absolutely right...this is what I consented to and She isnt forcing me to remain Her slave. I know I can put a stop to this at any time but I dont want to. Her dominance helps me feel secure and safe. Even though I dont understand why She says and does things sometimes...I know She always has my best interest at heart.

I have a very strong personality and I speak my mind more often than not...however I have always had a severe yearning to submit...to have someone dominate me. Someone I could trust with my life and know that even during moments of extreme pain....they would never do anything that would really hurt me in any way.

I have found that person in Mistress. Not only is She my Mistress but She is my best friend, lover, wife,my primary, the co-parent of my daughters and the one person who knows me better than I know myself. I am confident I'm not going to enjoy my punishment but I know it will deepen my submission and Mistress knows best.

Craving calgon......

2011-01-22T19:08:00.000-08:00

It was our youngest daughter's birthday party today. I am exhausted from deep cleaning the house, cooking and getting everything ready. We had a house full and everyone had a great time. When everyone left I found out our bathroom is clogged up again. I called Mistress (She is out taking our oldest grandson home) and She said She would handle it when She gets back home. This sucks because I was sooo looking forward to taking a hot bubble bath to relax from today. Mistress is tired too and said we are going to bed early tonight. I hope She can fix the bathroom easily so we can clean up without having to go over to our oldest daughter's house.

Our company was gone last night and we made the most of it. We continued from the other night by taking our time making love. When we were finished we fell asleep in each other's arms. I have mixed feelings about sharing those kind of moments on this blog. I dont mind sharing the details of my punishments but some things are sacred and I want to keep those between Mistress and I. Mistress just called and is on Her way home. I am going to go greet Her at the door.

-Bella

My surprise....Round One

2011-01-20T23:46:00.000-08:00

Mistress woke up in a really good mood on Wednesday. I made us coffee with steak and eggs for breakfast. She said She was tired and wanted us to go lay back down. The moment I laid down She was on top of me. She raised my arms over my head...told me not to move...and started kissing me which always makes me wet. She reached down and spread my legs open and then "smack"...She slapped my pussy. I almost came right then and there. She continued slapping my pussy while biting on my nipples. I was getting really wet and felt like I was beginning to cum. "Nope" Mistress said and I stopped myself from cumming by trying to hold still. Mistress then started flicking and pinching my clit and it felt damn good. She then told me I could cum as many times and as hard as I could because I was doing better with my attitude. I obliged. When I came so hard that I lost the ability to speak Mistress took a break. We were going to go for round 2 but we got a phone call and had to leave to take care of a family situation. We have company again so round 2 will be tomorrow....I hope :)

-Bella

Everything at once...

2011-01-18T15:16:00.000-08:00

1st our microwave is giving out. 2nd our refrigerator is leaking. 3rd which happened this morning is our bathroom plumbing is clogged up. Mistress tried Drano to no avail. I am not to do anything that involves the kitchen sink either. Luckily our oldest daughter lives in the same complex as we do so we use her bathroom and shower.

The thing that makes it worse is that we have company. They completely understand but I feel horrible because Im unable to clean the kitchen or the bathroom. Mistress told me to let it go but seeing the dirty dishes in the sink is driving my OCD bonkers.This morning I competely forgot our company was here...they were still in the other room laying down...and I said "Good morning Mistress". My eyes got wide the moment I said it because I heard one of them giggle. Mistress gave me a good morning kiss and paid them no mind. I followed Her lead.
Mistress said She has a special surprise for me for tomorrow.I have no clue what it is...She wont even give me a hint :-( . Im thinking it may be the cage which is sitting off of our living room. We have dogs so no one will question why its there. However I spend more time in there than the dogs. Im ambivalent when it comes to the cage. I love that Im short enough to fit in there with plenty of room to move somewhat. I hate that once Im in there I never know when Im allowed to get out. I know its for my own good that Mistress puts me in there. Its Her form of a time-out for me to remind me of my place. I enter being a smart-ass and I exit deeper in my submission to Her.

What are your thoughts on being put in a cage???

-Bella

Happy Martin Luther King Day everyone

2011-01-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

We are having a family day and watching his speech on youtube.

Be safe everyone

-Bella

3rd times the charm...

2011-01-16T13:38:00.000-08:00

Yes...I did it again. However instead of waiting to punish me Mistress immediately turned me around and had me bare my ass. Instead of hitting different spots on my ass...She spanked the same spot over and over. Which each spank the stinging turned into an intense burning. Tears came to my eyes but I didnt make a sound. When Mistress was done She whirled me around so I was facing Her nose to nose and said very clearly "DO NOT DO IT AGAIN!!!" She then banned me from the internet for the rest of the night.

Mistress has been inspired by Kaya's latest blog post. If I get out of line again I will be writing sentences while sitting naked on uncooked rice. The idea of that completely squicks me out as I wont sit on simple dirt without a blanket underneath me. Im now making a diligent effort to engage my brain before my mouth.

On a brighter note Im now learning to cook different cuisines. Last night I made california rolls for the first time. They looked nothing like they do in the stores/restaurants but Mistress assured me that they were delicious. Tonight Im making steaks with stuffed mushrooms. Ive made those before of course but tonight Im trying a new recipe for the mushroom filling. Im also getting back into baking again. Mistress told me friday...while looking around at the local sales....that She is getting me new baking pans along with new cake decorating supplies. She knows I cook from the heart. I love baking the cakes for our families birthdays and our get-togethers with friends and family.

Im going to be revamping this blog. I have come across some features I would like to try out and see if I like them. Some readers have messaged me on why I dont post personal pics...Mistress forbids it. I do have one pic of me on a fetish site...only people on my friends list are allowed to see more pics. I thought it a bit odd that someone would ask that question...ah well :::shrugs:::

I do notice that alot of people read my blog but few comment. Dont be shy...go ahead and introduce yourself. Im going to be implenting the widget so readers can ask questions. I will answer within the guidelines set down by Mistress.

I hope everyone is staying safe & healthy in all the crazy weather everywhere. (((HUGS)))

-Bella

Crossing the line

2011-01-13T10:38:00.000-08:00

I crossed the line yet again. Mistress was giving me an even harder bare ass spanking...and it finally dawned on me the reason for it is a combination of things.

I went through horrific things as a young child...things I am now processing with an exceptional trauma therapist over 30 years later. Part of the catharsis of therapy is feeling what I felt then (terror, no control,etc...)which leaves me feeling ungrounded, anxious and angry as hell.

Mistress also recently collared me again after releasing me in March 2009. We are re-establishing boundaries in our renewed dynamic.

Mistress and I talked about everything. She understands that I am dealing with things but Her hard limit is me taking it out on Her. We both agreed on a safe-word I am to say when Im in a head space that I need time to process. That way if Im having a flash-back of something during the day/night and She inquires about my suddenly leaving the room or not answering when She speaks to me...all I have to say is the word and She will know Im working through something internally and not grounded. The same for Her...She has Her limits like everybody else and sometimes needs personal space to deal with personal things without having to elaborate on why.

I am now doing daily meditations along with my self-care routines. I am more than encouraged by Mistress to talk to Her about things... not for Her to "fix" it but so I can verbalize things to make them more real so I can work through them. I am also doing more of my journal and art therapy to help make the internal more external.

As for the renewed dynamic we are both committed to making our marriage work. The BDSM is just an aspect of the bigger picture that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We are confident that through our love, our raw honesty with each other as well as ourselves and our devotion to each other, our children and grandchildren....the Mistress/slave stuff will take care of itself.

Today I am feeling very well and at peace. Its pouring outside but its done nothing to dampen my spirits. This is a new year and I feel in my bones its gonna be the best one yet :)

Punished....

2011-01-10T20:47:00.000-08:00

i am not sure what got into me today but i went way over the line with Mistress. i got mouthy several times and didnt heed Her "warning" look. The last time i got mouthy Mistress gave me a pardon because i was soo ill. i got a little to full of myself and forgot the rule of always being respectful to Her.

my punishment was a spanking....and not a pleasurable one but i know thats the point. She had me lay down on the bed...i knew not to move and She left a huge handprint on my ass...which is still stinging. She promised if i got out of line disrespectful again, my whole ass would be stinging. i am going to do my best to not test that limit again.

i live to submit to Her so i dont understand why i went so far in things. Mistress wasnt angry with me...She never punishes me when She is angry...but She is disappointed. i am going to start doing check-ins with myself to figure out where my attitude is coming from.

does anyone else get out of line and not know why???

GO OOMPA-LOOMPA GO!!!

2011-01-04T21:44:00.000-08:00

these words were heard from our house last night.

Happy New Year...I am back :)

2011-01-02T01:40:00.000-08:00

I am so very sorry its taken me soo long to post again. 2010 was a year from hell for Mistress and I. We have left it in the past and Mistress collared me (again) on January 1,2011.

Mistress is in the process of finding the exact collar she wants me to wear.

She found this site:

http://www.ringofsteel.net/

She likes that they look feminine, are stainless steel and I can wear them under certain blouses that I own. I will post a pic of the actual collar when we get it.

I have many things to write about but it is almost 2 am and I must get to sleep per Mistress's instruction.

back together with Mistress

2009-05-04T18:21:00.000-07:00

i just wanted to post and let you all know that Mistress and i are back together. it took us a couple months to think things through and we both realized we want our marriage back. Mistress is still living where we moved from as our stepson and his family need Her with the new baby due any moment.

i will be visiting Her the weekend after mothers day and we are going camping alone for alot of needed kinky hot sex :). it is hard not living together right now but we are doing the best we can.

i will be catching up with reading and commenting on the blogs i used to follow religiously. it feels good to be back though :)

goodbye....

2009-03-05T09:33:00.000-08:00

my wife and i have split up. i doubt we will be able to get back together. i will keep this blog up for the time being even though i wont be posting anything new. i have been thinking about starting another blog about my new life and adventures....blogging is somewhat addictive and i want to keep up on my favorite blogs too.

kinky sex link blog

2009-02-23T08:18:00.000-08:00

i was invited by Lady Evyl to share my blog on kinky sex link. after getting Mistress's permission~i accepted. i am adding the banner to my sidebar and will be making a post later on today or tomorrow morning.

a meme....

2009-02-18T09:48:00.000-08:00

i got this off of kaya's blog. feel free to answer in the comments.

1. Can you cook?

2. What was your dream growing up?

3. What talent do you wish you had?

4. Favorite place?

5. Favorite vegetable?

6. What was the last book you read?

7. What zodiac sign are you ?

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

9. Worst Habit?

10. Do we know each other outside of blogging?

11. What is your favorite sport?

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15. Tell me one weird fact about you:

16. Do you have any pets?

17. Do you know how to do the macarena?

18. What time is it where you are now?

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22. What color eyes do you have?

23. Ever been arrested?

24. Favorite fictional character of all time?

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?

26. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

27. What’s your favorite hangout?

28. Do you believe in ghosts?

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30. Do you swear a lot?

31. Biggest pet peeve?

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

i am soo lucky...

2009-02-18T09:03:00.000-08:00

to have such a wonderful,loving and understanding wife and Mistress.

my back is better but not all healed. Mistress has added a few more duties that i can do that won't compromise my back.

early this morning She sensed that i needed pain. i was servicing Her feet and She had me lay all the way down on the floor. i love kneeling and laying at Her feet. i would do it everywhere and all the time but that isnt practical. anyhooo....when i was laying down She proceeded to step hard onto my tits and nipples. i wasnt allowed to move or make a sound. the pain felt soo good and my pussy was getting wet. Mistress saw that i was turned on and told me i will have to wait for toytime. She continued to press down with Her feet onto my tits until She knew that i had enough. i thought She was done but when i was in the kitchen starting to make Her breakfast...She came over and proceeded to pull and twist my nipples. She then popped me in the ass and told me what She wanted for breakfast. i am now all twittipated and She told me we are going out today. i am not sure what She has in mind. i think it will be fun as i havent done anything out of line lately.

an aching back and aching for play

2009-02-17T08:39:00.001-08:00

i went to the doctors and found out i severely strained the muscles in my lower back. Mistress has put me on light duty. i appreciate it but it also bugs the hell out of me that i am unable to do all of my duties. i am on a muscle relaxant and pain reliever and my back is feeling better. i am only taking the meds at night now...i hate feeling doped up during the day.

we are now in another state living in a huge house. the house owner is an old friend of mine who lives in the garage that was made into an apartment. we had to put our calico cat down. we found out she had cancer that had spread everywhere. we miss her but know she is at peace and out of pain. we now have a boxer/bulldog mix that my friend found. he is a moose and a character. he has taken a liking to Mistress.

with all of the packing and moving...Mistress and i havent had alot of private time. instead of a few hours at a time...we have moments that Mistress will torture my tits or spank my ass. She made a home-made flogger out of 1/4 inch rope that She put knots in at the end. She introduced me to it by smacking me with it really hard out of the blue. it scared the shit out of me-i thought something had bit me. Mistress giggled and promised that if i didnt behave i would be getting more of it. the next day is when my back went out. i was bending over to move a backpack off of a box i wanted to bring into the house...i felt a sharp pain in my back that went down into my legs. i fell over and laid there trying to get the pain under enough control that i could stand up. Mistress heard me cry out and came over and asked what was wrong. i told Her and She giggled at the sight of me trying to get up into the chair. i still went through things...i was determined to work through the pain. the next day when She saw that i was having problems just trying to sit on the toilet...She told me to go to the doctor. She said if i didnt go She would take my mind off of my back pain by making something else on my body hurt alot worse.

today i am doing laundry and moving the things in our room around to move the bed. its by a window which is putting a cold draft onto Mistress. my friend noticed that i do alot of the housework and inquired on why my wife doesnt do some of it. i told her that is between my wife and i and that is what i want to do. i may explain to her later Mistress's and my dynamic but at this time i am not really in the mood to explain it.

i hope that Mistress and i have more private time soon. She needs it and so do i.

just peeking in....

2009-02-13T14:09:00.000-08:00

we are now moved...we ended up moving out of state into a house. good & bad things have happened...i will elaborate later.

Mistress and i are safe as are the kids. i threw my back out lifting things so Mistress has ordered me to go see a doctor.

i will update more later and catch up on reading and commenting on other blogs.

cats are driving this puppy insane....

2009-01-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

we are moving tomorrow. everything is packed and we have the reinforcements lined up to get us out of here pronto. we are moving out to the country. the place is a bit smaller but has a bigger yard and a big huge storage unit for our camping gear. there is also a horse ranch across the way. Mistress said we are going to look into horse riding lessons our youngest. there is also a playground and a big field for our youngest to practice soccer in.

i am feeling a bit relieved to be out of here. the animals have been on edge. the cats think the stacks of boxes are for only their amusement. the tabby is lil miss evil knievel in that she will get on top of one stack and jump onto a stack across the room. most of the time she makes it...i almost have cardiac arrest when she crashes to the floor. i dont know if its because of her youth, that she gets bored easily or that she is in heat. she has it bad-she has even tried to mate with Mistress's steel toe boots.

i was touched today when Mistress and i were going through things and i came across some old letters i had written Her ages ago. i never knew She had them. come to find out She always carries them in Her leather jacket by Her heart but had taken them out when we took it into be professionally cleaned. Her and i have been running on fumes and have been a bit testy at times with each other. i have been doing most of the packing and Mistress showed Her appreciation this afternoon before the kids got home from school. She pinned me to the bed and proceeded to flog my tits. She forbid me from cumming. She had to leave and said we would finish later. She told me once we are moved and settled~we are going to have a few days kid free to do as She wishes.

well...need to get back to the last minute packing.

STRESSED!!!

2009-01-20T06:49:00.000-08:00

we came home yesterday to find a termination of tenancy notice on the door. we are the 3rd gay couple to be evicted. we have been planning on moving anyhow~this place is falling apart. the owners know about it~they even took pics of it~and havent fixed it yet. there are other problems they havent fixed. Mistress told me to pack everything up which i am doing and we are finding a place today. it may take a bit to get internet into the new place~but i will be back to posting when we are reconnected.

Martin Luther King Day

2009-01-19T07:52:00.000-08:00

the kids are home today so we are having a family day. the youngest was talking to me about reading on martin luther king in school. she mentioned that she didnt understand prejudice. i went to explain it to her but she said "mommy,i know what it is i just dont understand how people can hate like that. why cant people love with their hearts and not hate with their stupidity".

out of the mouth of babes :)

the name meme

2009-01-18T10:07:00.000-08:00

Mistress is gone all day today and said to catch up on reading blogs. i came across this one on kaya's blog and thought it would be fun to do.

ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet, current car): pup-pup dakota
GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite kind of shoe): cookie-dough reebok
HIPPY NAME: (what you ate for breakfast, favorite tree): toast maple
SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born): anne seattle
STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): low te
SUPERHERO NAME: (favorite color, favorite drink): blue diet pepsi
NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers/grandmothers): lester laura
STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): princess truffle
TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 4th grade teacher’s last name, a city that starts with the same letter): crow covington
SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower): spring lily
CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): strawberry jammies

sasquatch sighting

2009-01-18T06:08:00.000-08:00

this morning i woke up and went into the bathroom~i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and........ omg!!!

i am a sasquatch slave.

Mistress doesn't seem to mind the hair~in fact She has been having Her sadistic fun by pulling on my pussy hair at random times >:)

those 5 words...

2009-01-17T06:55:00.000-08:00

"I am proud of you" from Mistress mean the world to me.

i have been walking on clouds since last night...i am a very happy slave that i have made Mistress sooo happy with me...here is what happened....

with Mistress and i both in school during the day and Her teen sitting at night~we haven't had alot of time together. however Mistress found a way to reward me for my patience. She gave me a looong list of errands to do and a time limit to do them in. when i was done i was to meet Her at a certain time with our youngest so i could do the shopping for the teens She is watching. i did everything without complaint. when we were done we went outside to wait for the bus~we just missed it so we had to wait in the cold. the kids sat down to listen to music at an ipod. Mistress and i walked a half a block away to smoke. i was shivering from the cold~i had on a thick coat and everything but the wind was chilling me to the bone. Mistress shielded me from the cold and told me She was proud that i had done everything with a great attitude. i smiled from ear to ear. She walked me just around the corner of a structure and looked to make sure no one was looking. She grabbed onto my tit and twisted it just hard enough and long enough to get me warm. i loved it :)!!! we had to get back to the kids so we walked back to wait for the bus. the kids werent paying alot of attention to us (go figure) and every time i started to shiver Mistress would pinch me somewhere to get me warm again.

we finally made it back to the teens's house. i made it home later and called Mistress to let Her know i made it home ok. She told me once again how proud She is of me and i did a really good job. She was reading my mind and answered what i was thinking. She said i am not getting toytime until She is home nights again. She wants to be here to watch (and probably make me beg to cum knowing Her *snicker*). i am thinking on asking Mistress if i can buy some rubber sheets. it's been almost 2 months since She has allowed me to cum. the last time i was on restriction this long-i soaked a mattress when i squirted and we had to buy another one. Mistress hopes to be home by the end of the month...so if around that time you hear of a typhoon coming from my area...run for cover (unless squirt juice is your kink *wink*)

48 question meme

2009-01-16T05:00:00.000-08:00

i found this on jflame's blog. Mistress has to be gone more to tend to things so i have been bored,bored,bored.

1.When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
omg!!! what the hell is frankensteins' bride doing in my bathroom???
2.How much cash do you have on you?
about $3
3.Whats a word that rhymes with 'Door'?
more~as in i need more coffee-brb.

4.Favourite planet?
venus
5.Who is the 4Th person on the missed call list on your cell phone?
one of our adopted kids
6.What is you favourite ring tone on your phone?
the one Mistress and i have for each other.
7.What kind of top are you wearing?
nike t-shirt (one of Mistress's) that i sleep in.
8.Do you label yourself?
i am Mistress's slave
9.Bright or dark room?
dark (bright hurts eyes)
10.What do you think about the person who took this meme before you?
author of a blog i recently started reading
11.What does your watch look like?
don't wear one
12.What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping & probably also snoring.
13.What did your last text message say?
a private message from Mistress
14.Where is your nearest 7 - 11?
a city block away
15.Whats a word you say a lot (not yes or no)?
aside from Mistress~"piffle"( i am working on cutting down my profanity)
16.Who told you he/she loved you last?
Mistress
17.What was the last furry thing you touched?
the build a bear Mistress got for me.
18.How many drugs have you done in the past three days?
2~caffeine and nicotine
19.Favourite age you have been so far?
the age i am now-i have learned alot about myself this last year
20.Your worst enemy?
the cage Mistress puts me in when i have been bad.
21.What was the last thing you said to someone?
have a good day~i love you Mistress.
22.If you had to choose between a million bucks and the ability to fly, what would you choose?
a million bucks-i am terrified of flying
23.The last song you listened to?
some hannah montana song our youngest listens to at night
24.Whats your favourite number?
777-the date Mistress and i got married.
25.Where did you live in 1987?
in a brownstone with my gay best-friend and his partner.
26.What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
hit it with my purse
27.If you had to get a tattoo, what and where?
a rose with ribbon with my children's names in the ribbon. on my chest by my heart
28.If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
sign language
29.Are you touchy feely?
depends on how well i know the person and if Mistress is ok with it.
30.Name three things that you have on you at all times?
wedding ring,glasses & hair tye
31.When was the last time you WROTE a letter to someone and mailed it?
ummmm-hard to remember. i think it was to Mistress's cousin
32.Can you change the oil on a car?
no-i am forbidden from touching anything mechanical at all.
33.How far back do you know about your ancestry?
a couple hundred years back into sicily and scotland.
34.When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in and then start the water?
start the water first.
35.Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essences adverts?
depends on if Mistress is in there with me and She allows me to
36.Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?
yes-ages ago.
37.Have you ever been forced to share the shower with one of your siblings?
with a couple of my sisters when we were camping.
38.How old do you look?
i still get carded for alcohol.
38.How old do you act?
depends on my mood and Mistress's expectations
39.What was the last song you sang?
"life's what you make it" by hannah montana with our youngest.
40.Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?
closed.
41.What is the sexist thing about Condoleeza Rice?
i honestly can't think of anything...ummm..she isnt my type.
42.Who's the sexist famous woman alive?
Mistress and i lust halle berry
43.Who's the sexist famous man alive?
ummmmm????....i am drawing a blank.
44.Does every family have a crazy uncle?
oh yes. my family doesnt call him crazy he is just "eccentric"
45.Does playing the guitar make a man/woman more attractive?
if the woman is also on a harley-hell yes!!!
46.Have you ever had sex in a tent or sleeping bag?
oh yes
47.What about in a boat?
yes
48.Should guys wear pink?
if it compliments them-yes

how spankable am i???

2009-01-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

i came across this on another blog. wow-it definitely rings true.

Your result for The How Spankable Are You Test...

SPANK SLUT

You are 93% spankable!

You loved to be spanked, good and hard, with any available object. You will take it as hard as anyone is willing to give it. You are probably guilty of provoking your lover into spanking you, by flagrant misbehavior or verbal challenges. Hell, your ass is probably red right now. We wouldnt be surprised if you are standing at the keyboard, because it hurts to sit down.

Take The How Spankable Are You Test at HelloQuizzy

cleaning & changes....

2009-01-14T02:02:00.000-08:00

i am going to be cleaning & revamping my blog over the next couple of weeks. i am changing some of the music, maybe the layout and skimming down the bloglist. there are some blogs that have gone dormant that will be taken off to make room for blogs that are more active.

Mistress has also told me to simplify my life. with school and everything else going on-my insomnia is back. i have tried to be super-slave while also trying to be super-mom, super-grandma, and super-friend. Mistress and i talked about it. She was blunt in telling me that it is impossible for me to take care of everyone and everything all of the time. i am to do my duties and take care of Her and me. whatever other people(kids/grandkids/friends) can do for themselves-so be it. i was soo stressed about shit that it was toxic to me, my ability to be Mistress's slave and Hers and my marriage. She knows me soo well that She knew long ago what was going on with me...while i hadn't a clue. i asked Her why She didnt tell me. She said it was because i would've scoffed at the idea and i would've been even more adamant at running myself ragged. She allowed me to get far enough to the end of my rope to listen to Her. She knows me better than i know myself. i am stubborn in that i am always insisting on helping others while refusing help from others. Mistress has set the limit for me that i am to only to do my duties and what other things She tells me and then take time for myself each day. it will be different but i trust Mistress that this is what is best for me and our marriage. Her and i are forever so what matters most is what is the healthiest thing for us.

well...it's almost 3 in the morning and i need to try to get some more sleep to get up for school.

t.m.i. tuesday (two for tuesday)

2009-01-13T20:05:00.000-08:00

here is the t.m.i tuesday from i got from luna's blog today and last tuesday.

Would you rather…’ edition

1. Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you dislike/don’t get along with?

i would rather be alone. i tend to want to be alone anyhow.

2. Would you rather accidentally walk in on your parents having sex or have them walk in on you?

in on my parents.

i have already walked into my parents having sex...it was embarassing but i imagine not as much as it would be if they walked in on Mistress and i.

3. Would you rather be snapped by paparazzi during a nipple slip or while exiting a car with out any underwear?(guys, consider similar circumstances)

nipple slip. the twins tend to pop out on occasion anyhow so it wouldnt be really that big of a deal for me.

4. Would you rather not have sex for two years or not be able to use the Internet for two years?

not use the internet. i have been on orgasm restriction for almost 2 months now and i am about ready to spontaneously combust.

5. Would you rather find true love or 1 million dollars?

true love which i already have :)

Bonus (as in optional): If you had to choose *one* sexual position for the rest of your life, what would it be? Why?

69-i am a lesbian so thats a no-brainer.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?
an 8.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?
i get weak in the knees and horny as hell.

3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?
i was having a bad day last fall and Mistress picked up a fallen leaf and handed it to me while saying "feel better puppy" with the look of love She gives me. it made me feel soo warm and loved inside that i started crying. i took the leaf and Mistress kissed me and said "it's ok~i will never let anything ever happen to you baby". i still have the leaf tucked away in my memento box.

4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?
under the space needle during new year's eve festivities.

5. How do you liked to be kissed?

with a hand in my hair and me submitting to their desire. i dont like sloppy kisses but a kiss that conveys "you are mine".

worried...

2009-01-11T18:29:00.000-08:00

this weekend has been a roller coaster. my doctor is weaning me off of some meds for my bipolar and anxiety to start me slowly on some other ones that have less side effects. needless to say i have been more emotional. Mistress calls it my "exorcist" mode. yesterday was our anniversary of when we became a couple. we went out to the same restaurant we did where we had "the talk" as we do every year on january 10th. Mistress didn't want to eat and i was upset and took it personal that She didnt want to celebrate our anniversary. i have a habit of jumping to conclusions. Mistress enlightened me that Her stomache hasnt been keeping down anything..at all. i knew She had been having some heartburn but i thought it was just the meds She is taking for Her migraines. i won't go into detail about what we talked about but i found out that Her health issues are more serious than what She had shared with me. now i am worried...Mistress told me not to but that is like asking a dog not to scratch at a flea.

i finished my meal and we came home and She let me know She is not happy with how i didnt give Her the benefit of the doubt. we got the "story of o" for us to read...Mistress is reading it first. tonight She is teen sitting and i am still on toytime restriction. i feel bad for my attitude the last couple of days. why Mistress didnt haul off and smack me to correct my attitude...i don't know. She told me to think about what i had done and what i can do to make sure it doesnt happen again. that is exactly what i am going to do...while trying not to show how worried i am about Mistress.

finally...

2009-01-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

i don't have classed today and the kids are at school...so i finally have the peace and time to update on the playtimes Mistress and i have had.

i can't remember exactly what day it was but the children were gone and i thought Mistress was napping. i went to lay down next to Her to read a book and was pleasantly surprised when She rolled over and punched me hard with that twinkle in Her eye. just that one punch sent my clit abuzzing and my nipples got hard. Mistress started pinching and twisting my nipples and breasts. i began quivering and moaned "oooh yes". Mistress does this thing of grabbing my nipples and twisting them as far as they will go and then rubbing them between Her fingers. the pain is excruciating and i love it. the more She tortured my tits the wetter my pussy was becoming. my pussy was begging for stimulation. Mistress gave me Her sadistic smile and kicked me full force in the clit. i almost came right then~i asked Mistress if i could cum and She said no. She then pushed Her foot hard into my pussy and started rubbing my clit really hard. She was still torturing my tits and told me to not cum. She kept rubbing and torturing until i felt like my head was going to shoot off of my body. She then rolled me over and spanked me hard on my ass. my ass felt like it was on fire which made my pussy drool and quiver even more. i felt myself start to drift away onto the clouds but Mistress grabbed me by the hair and slapped my face a couple times. She gave me a look and i knew that i am not to go into subspace until She wants me to. She picked up an unused flyswatter and proceeded to swat me all over my tits,ass and pussy. i was all tingly, in pain and again felt myself turning into goo. Mistress put down the flyswatter and again started to torture my tits and rubbing Her foot into my pussy. my body was begging to cum...for release...but Mistress refused. i was in the clouds and Mistress decided that i had had enough. She had me drink some vitamin water and laid me down next to Her. She covered us both up while spooning me and we both had a very restful nap in each others arms.

i am still on orgasm restriction. Mistress is training me to deepen my submission to Her. She told me i am to work on not engaging my mouth before my brain. She doesnt care if i havent had coffee or need a cigarette...i am to automatically be Her slave even when i am sleeping. if i can stay smartass free until this weekend then She will allow me to cum. it is going to be hard for me as i dont even know my name before my morning cup of coffee and cigarette. i am determined to do it though. i want to be the slave that Mistress deserves.

sorry....

2009-01-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

i have been so busy with the start of school and doing my duties for Mistress (Her back is out) that i completely forgot about doing my t.m.i. tuesday yesterday. i will make up for it by doing two of them next tuesday (a two for tuesday special :) )

i think Mistress threw Her back out when we were playing...but more about that later.

i gotta head out the door to get to school...hopefully i will be able to update y'all tomorrow on everything that has been happening.

some q&a of my year

2009-01-04T09:12:00.000-08:00

it is snowing outside again~hopefully it will stop so there is school tomorrow. Mistress is teen sitting again. a friend of mine sent me this meme on a vanilla site and i thought i would post it here and elaborate where my being slave applies.

if you are reading this~feel free to use it on your blog. just leave me a note in a comment so i can check your answers out.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

experienced breath play & tens unit with Mistress.i also cleaned out and carved a pumpkin~i know that may not seem like a big deal but the smell of pumpkin guts makes me very queasy.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

for the most part i did and yes i have made a few for 2009.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

our daughter in-law had our grand-daughter :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?

my grand-father, a close friend and one of our iguanas :(

5. What countries did you visit?

none this year. need to get my passport for our summer trip to canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

more patience with myself and not being over-analytical about things. since Mistress is happy with me as Her slave then i need to relax and not worry about it.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

may 26th~the birth of our grand-daughter

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

having a better handle on my panic attacks so i can go back to school. i also now make Mistress approved crepes for Her.

9. What was your biggest failure?

not quitting smoking entirely

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

just the normal colds & flu's i get every year. i got whiplash tripping over a cat and took a fall down the stairs thanks to my dog pulling too hard on the leash.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

a digital camera/video cam that i am filling up with pics/vids of everything.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

our oldest daughter's~she has really matured in the last year.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

ignorant family members who treat me as a pariah because i am gay.

14. Where did most of your money go?

bills,food and the kids/grandkids.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

signing up to go back to school and Mistress talking of collaring me this april.

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

i am happier,thinner and poorer,

17. What do you wish you’d done more of?

camping out more with family and having more private moments with Mistress

18. What do you wish you’d done less of?

over-analyzing things

19. How did you spend Christmas?

spent it at home with Mistress and the children.

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?

yes~i fall in love with Mistress more and more everyday.

21. What was your favorite TV program?

i love lucy,absolutely fabulous,coupling, keeping up appearances, csi,bones, dexter and red green and red dwarf

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

i really don't hate anyone.

23. What was the best book you read?

river running red by anne rule. she shared more information about the victims of the grk and didnt dwell on glr.

24. What did you want and get?

i wanted to deepen my submission to Mistress and She has given me patience and support.

25. What did you want and not get?

to get a house in the country~that fell through.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?

shutter

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

i had some private time with Mistress after She took me out to a romantic dinner and scary movie. i turned 38.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

to be able to move out of this neighborhood.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

during the day i dress casually and at night i wear what is appropriate for what Mistress wants to do.

30. What kept you sane?

i do alot of reading and take alot of walks with Mistress. Mistress also buys me alot of things for the bath so i can relax in a hot bath of bubbles when everyone is out of the house :)

31. What political issue stirred you the most?

same-sex marriage legislation

32. Who did you miss?

my nana

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

don't sweat the small stuff

my resolutions...

2009-01-02T06:59:00.000-08:00

i have been thinking alot on what i want to work on this year and have come up with the following:

my domestic service to Mistress~ my submissiveness has been off balance lately in that most of it has just been sexually. i want to do more for Mistress domestically. i keep the house up and do most of the cooking. i want to expand on my cooking and decorating. Mistress appreciates everything i do around the house already~i just want to do more because She deserves for me to be the best all around slave i can be. i have signed up on the flylady site and looking on the internet for different recipes Mistress will like that wont aggravate Her acid reflux.

my patience with myself~i am my hardest critic and want to work on that. if Mistress is happy then i need not fret about if i am lacking in my being Her slave. when i stress then Mistress stresses and thats not good for either one of us. what has been helping me lately is reading alot in the book "don't sweat the small stuff".

my smoking~i am down to half a pack a day at most. my smoking aggravates my asthma but when i dont smoke my anxiety goes up. it is a catch 22 and i am taking it one day at a time. i only smoke when i really, really need it and never smoke more than half a cigarette at a time.

my caffeine consumption~i was drinking at least 2 pots a day of really strong coffee (Mistress calls it mud). i want to cut down because caffeine can inhibit the body from absorbing calcium and i need all that i can get (osteoporosis runs rampant in my family on both sides)i am now down to a pot a day. the coffee helps with my asthma and the aches from my arthritis.

my education~i am going back to college next week so that is covered.

i wanted to work on my weight but Mistress told me that i look fine to Her. She likes me with some meat on my bones. i am a bbw blessed with big bosoms. i am still losing weight slowly from eating better and taking more walks. Mistress doesnt mind that some weight is coming off She doesnt want it coming off too fast or me stressing on the numbers.

that about covers it.

it is snowing again and Mistress and i have to go run errands~what joy!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2008-12-31T16:15:00.000-08:00

i just wanted to peek in and wish everyone a "happy new year" from Mistress and i.

we are going to our son's house tonight to watch movies,play the xbox360 and watch 2009 come in together.

t.m.i. tuesday

2008-12-30T11:55:00.000-08:00

i got this from luna's blog (http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/)

1. Last week was “The Most Wonderful time of the Year”, but what are your favorite 2008 memories?

the camping trip with Mistress and the children, the trips to the beach with family and the times Mistress and i had days & nights kid free at the house :)

2. What is the best thing you learned in 2008?

that there is nothing wrong with me getting older and that i don't have to be perfect all of the time.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2008?

about a 9

4. What is your wish for 2009?

What is your wish for someone else for 2009? my wish for me is to learn more patience with myself. for someone else~to be wealthy in love and poor in regret.

5. Where was the first place you ever passionately kissed?

first ever??? at the movies while watching "flashdance". first kiss for Mistress and i~right before we were intimate for the first time.

an update...

2008-12-30T08:22:00.000-08:00

Mistress and i are almost back to normal~"our normal". we had a looong talk and laid all of our cards out on the table. i have been on orgasm restriction on top of trying to quit smoking and cutting down my caffeine consumption on top of the stress of the holidays. i felt like a time bomb ready to explode. Mistress has been having migraines-they are worse than what She had told me (She didn't want me worrying) so She hadn't been in the mood to play. i took Her not being interested personally and thought She wasn't happy with me as Her slave. during our talk She made it clear that if She wasnt happy with me~She would've released me and moved out. She hadn't been punishing me as much because of Her migraines. She didn't want to lose control and hurt me out of Her frustration of always being in pain.

we are now slowly beginning to play again and Mistress has been inflicting pain on me. i will elaborate on that in a later post. this morning i am a happy slave. Mistress and i are communicating and our marriage is better than it has been in awhile. the snow has melted all away with the confusion in our relationship. the children are still home on winter break and we are doing alot of family things together. Mistress is going back to "teen" sit for our friend for a few weeks after winter break. She will be here during school hours but will be spending nights there to make sure the teens don't destroy their house.

for new year's eve we are staying home with the kids~Mistress and the kids are going to be killing demons and zombies on the xbox360 while i make goodies to eat.

life is good now and i know 2009 is going to be even better :)

a subbie's meltdown

2008-12-27T15:09:00.000-08:00

yesterday i woke up and something wasnt right. i couldnt put my finger on it. we had to run errands so i bundled up for the cold weather. Mistress could tell something was wrong. i wasnt feeling good inside and out. my eyes started to tear up on the bus. i wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and pull it in after me. all i remember feeling was a sense of doom and horror. when we got home i exploded and acted like....acted like a bitch from hell. Mistress and i had the worst fight we have ever had. i was completely in the wrong and Mistress put me in my place. i am feeling better now but ashamed at my behavior. i am soo lucky to have Mistress in my life. i know if i had to live with someone like me...i would've abandoned ship looooong ago.

Mistress and i are taking time off from the s&m part of our dynamic. we want to figure out why i pushed Her into a fight where She would physically restrain me so i would give in and stop with my nonsense. when She was restraining me i felt a wave of calm wash over me and then disgust at myself for topping from the bottom. i am still Her submissive slave and doing service for Her. i am trying to figure out in my head what is more important to me-the service aspect of being a submissive slave or the masochistic aspect. i am trying to find a balance between the two. i love doing service for Her but i find if i havent had pain in awhile i get a bit bitchy.

why???

stuffed like a turkey!!!

2008-12-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

we had our christmas feast last night. i ate waaay too much and went into a turkey coma for the night. today we are staying home~playing the new xbox360 and waiting for the next storm to hit. i am going to curl up on the couch to read while watching Mistress kick ass on the game She is playing.

i have come across some new blogs and will be adding those to my blog list as time allows. the children are home for vacation so alot of my reading/posting is done late at night/early in the morning. the children are busy with what they got for christmas so i have some privacy.

i am still on orgasm restriction and its starting to get to me. my frustration level is down and i find myself biting my tongue alot with everyone. Mistress said She is thinking about me having toytime-it depends on my attitude.

well-time to refill my coffee and snuggle in again into my blanket. life is good today :)

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-23T09:03:00.000-08:00

i am posting twice today since i am going to start cooking things for Christmas dinner this afternoon and wont be done until it is served.

i just wanted to wish everyone a

Merry Christmas!!!

t.m.i. tuesday

2008-12-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

i am using this from luna's blog (http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/). i am still trying to figure out how to attach the link to her name-anybody know how???

1. What do present do you hope ends up under you tree? Mistress and i to have some alone time so we can do as Mistress wishes.
2. What present are you most psyched about giving (PLEASE be vague or ignore this question if the recipient reads your blog)? i already gave my present to Mistress~an xbox360.
3. DO you prefer to give or receive? i love to give :)
4. What is your favorite part off a sexual partner’s body? if i had to pick just one part it would be Mistress's mouth. Her kisses take my breath away
5. What is your favorite part your body - the one you hope a sexual partner will find or pay the most attention to? my breasts-they are very errogenous and Mistress pays plenty of attention to them :)

going to be careful for what i wish for....

2008-12-22T12:33:00.000-08:00

i am going to start being more careful for what i wish for. i wanted a white christmas and its been snowing for the last week. Mistress and i had to go to our son's house to watch the grandkids while him and his wife did the last of their christmas shopping. we only meant to be there a few hours and ended up staying a few days. the blizzard that was supposed to hit saturday hit our area on friday. it finally started letting up yesterday (or so we thought) so we started to make our way home. halfway home while waiting for a bus~another storm hit. it took us 7 hours to get home~it usually only takes 45 mins and that includes all the walking and the bus rides. the snow is up almost to my knee. Mistress made it easier for me to walk by walking in front and having me step into Her prints. She would stop every 20 feet or so to look back and make sure i hadnt fallen. we were exhausted when we got home and went to bed early.

we have been too tired and busy to play and we both need it. today we are staying inside spending time with the kids and watching movies. i have a few books i am going to read. i am eager for Mistress to inflict pain on me. i am not sure what i need more-the ecstasy of pain or the ecstasy of cumming. i am trying to keep a good attitude. i woke up this morning and made Mistress a plate of crepe's and selected out some of Her favorite movies to watch. laundry is being done and the house is clean.

i was sad to read that caitlin passed away. i read her blog from time to time and was touched by her writings. reading the post by her master brought tears to my eyes. i don't even want to think about life without Mistress.

Mistress comes home today!!!

2008-12-19T06:30:00.000-08:00

i am soo thrilled...Mistress is coming home today. i have really missed Her!!!

the kids are home from school because of the snow and the next couple of weeks they are home on winter break. we are going to coordinate their visits to their friends at the same time so Mistress and i can get some much needed alone time to play. i am aching for pain but will wait because i know Mistress will make it worth it. since i have been on orgasm restriction for awhile i have a feeling that when Mistress does allow me to cum-i am going to gush.

today we are making christmas goodies with the kids. Mistress also bought a couple of Christmas movies for us to watch with our tradition of watching "christmas vacation" every year. tonight i am cooking one of Mistress's favorites: my homemade bbq ribs with my homemade potato salad.

i am eager to see what Mistress wishes to do after the kids have gone to bed. She may just sleep since She hasnt slept good while She was away. i don't care what we do-i am just grinning ear to ear because She is home :)

thursday question

2008-12-18T06:17:00.000-08:00

got this from luna's blog (http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/). i will try to do this every thursday.

What do you consider domestic service? Do you enjoy serving or being served in this fashion? What tips do you have for someone learning to love domestics?

domestic service to me is doing all of the housework and waiting on Mistress hand & foot. i also do alot of the paperwork and phone calls. it is up to me to make sure the house runs smoothly while keeping Mistress's rules in mind.

i enjoy doing the serving. it has always been a part of my personality to serve others. i get uncomfortable when Mistress serves me by making me soup when i am sick or doing something i am unable to because of a physical limitation. i know that Mistress only does what She wants to and its my job to keep my mouth shut. it still gives me an uneasy feeling though but i am learning to let it go.

tips??? what has helped me is the "flylady" website. she is a godsend!!! i also do little things for Mistress everyday to symbolize my submission and devotion to Her. little things like making sure Her favorite foods are always stocked, making sure there is always Her favorite reading material on Her nightstand, always making sure She has a beverage at room temperature within reach (too cold of things hurts Her mouth) and making sure Her psp is always charged. She never required me to do these things~they are just things i did on my own and i felt all warm & fuzzy when She took notice :)

christmas with coffee

2008-12-17T14:01:00.000-08:00

Mistress gave me one of my christmas presents early-it is a coffee station that i can program to brew at a specific time and i can dispense my coffee with one hand. i am going to be getting some special coffee's, syrups and creamers so i can indulge my caffeine addiction.

today i had to go out and get some last minute shopping done. i didnt want to but Mistress insisted. i wasnt thrilled about going out into the snowstorm but Mistress said "do it bitch" so i did it. i hit some sales while braving the snow & wind. now i am home drinking my coffee and picking out books to read the next couple of days. we are expecting some more snow and colder weather. Mistress said since i did what i was told with a good attitude i can have the next couple of days inside the house. i am still on toytime restriction.

i bought Mistress some winter boots that She was needing. She mentioned that when they get dirty-She will have me lick shine them. i hope She was kidding-but will do it if She asks.

time to go snuggle into the blankets and read a book. i have a penchant for true crime books and have a few new ones to read.

t.m.i. tuesday

2008-12-16T08:04:00.000-08:00

got this from luna's ( http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/) blog. i don't know how to have her name as the link yet-i need to study more about blogging me thinks.

1. What is the greatest age difference between between and a SO?

older than me by 20 years in a previous relationship.

2. What is the greatest age difference between between any sexual partner? same as # 1

3. Have you started your holiday shopping? Is it done?
our shopping is all done

4. What are the chances there will be a “naughty” present under the tree this year (either from you or for you)?
a very good chance :)

5. What is your favorite holiday song?
"mary did you know" by mark lowry

missing Mistress in the snow

2008-12-15T07:45:00.000-08:00

woke up this morning to more snow. the kiddies are on 2 hour late schedule so i am waiting to wake them up while drinking my morning coffee. i need alot of it as i didnt sleep good last night since Mistress is away at nights now. i also had our youngest in bed with me and sleeping next to her is not for the faint hearted. she kicks, punches and also has to sleep horizontally across the bed and somehow manages to have all of her limbs still hitting me in that position.

i have a feeling i am going to be blogging more when Mistress is away to occupy my time. yesterday i was packing Her up and getting Her boots on. i was dragging my feet and She noticed. She asked what was wrong and i told Her that i was going to miss Her. She was touched by my sentiment and said She would miss me but She wouldnt be too far away and would visit as much as She could. its not that i rely on Her for every breath...Mistress also doesnt micromanage me and knows the house will run smoothly in Her absense. we have been apart before without it bothering me. i think why its bothering me now is that i am still getting over bronchitis and the weather is frigid. the bus schedules are all running late if at all. so if something were to happen-Mistress might be delayed or prevented from getting here. i know i am capable of handling any crisis that might arise-however it would be more comforting if She were here.

i am still on razor restriction and toytime restriction and Mistress also has delegated some things for me to accomplish while She is away. She mentioned to me that She wants the first weekend She is back to be kid free so i am wiggly with curiosity on what She has in mind.

i will keep you updated....

a lil' snow & update

2008-12-14T08:46:00.000-08:00

we woke up this morning to snow on the ground. there is more on the way with below freezing temperatures so Mistress has restricted me to the house for at least today. i still am fighting bronchitis and Mistress has been forcing meds down my throat. i hate meds but know She is doing it for my own good. my asthma is really aggravated so i sound horrid. i still am in good spirits and have been reading and drinking alot of tea.
Mistress leaves tonight to go and house-sit for a friend. its not so much the house She is keeping an eye on but the teenagers that live there. the mother has to go out of state and so Mistress is going to be staying there at night to make sure the house stays in on piece. She is going to visit during the day as much as She can in this weather. i am still on razor restriction and Mistress has also put me on toytime restriction. i thought i had done something to displease Mistress and asked Her why i was on toytime restriction, She said "because I feel like it, you didnt do anything wrong". i am wondering what She is up to but i know better than to ask. She bought me a new package of batteries and put them where i can see them and forbid me from opening them.
we have taken in a pregnant tabby that we found abandoned outside. we have asked everyone in the neighborhood who she belongs to but no one has claimed her. she is ready to pop anytime so we are keeping her warm & fed until she has the kittens and then will find them good homes.
well...Mistress is awake now from sleeping in so i need to sign off to make Her breakfast.

my past bdsm illusion and my bdsm reality

2008-12-11T07:41:00.000-08:00

this past week or so i have read about the illusion of bdsm on other blogs. it got me to thinking on what i thought M/s was when i began my journey of being a submissive and what my reality is now. as a young child i was the type that wanted to serve others. i loved doing things for other people as a way to show my love and devotion for them. i went through alot as a child but the hell i went through never diminished my need to do for others.

i first heard of bdsm while going to gay clubs. most of my guy friends were gay and some of them were heavy into the leather bdsm scene. i would go with them to parties where there were slaves being bound and whipped or flogged or both. my best friend at the time gave me the book "the story of o" and recommended that i read it. i did and couldnt put it down until it was finished. i was 18 at the time and i remember getting turned on by reading about o being trained. i remember thinking "i want to be trained~this is something i need". i talked to my friend and he educated me on the being safe in the scene. at this time i was also introduced to the writings of ayn rand and still believe in her philosophy that only i am responsible for my true happiness.

i had a few relationships and a marriage where we would experiment with bdsm but i never found anyone i could trust enough to completely submit to. after divorcing my oldest daughters father-i met a man who became my first dom.(at the time i still considered myself bi). he trained me for a few years. we didnt have a 24/7 arrangement as he was honest in his having no desire of wanting to live with a child in his house. his father passed away and he had to go back to spain to take care of his mother. i gave him back his collar and we parted on good terms. while being his submissive i started realizing that the bdsm portrayed in books isnt what happens all the time in real life~at least not my life.

i then had a dom who ended up being very abusive and he didnt respect my hard limits or my safewords. he shattered my trust issues and it took me alooong time to even think about wanting to submit to someone again. during this time i also found my attraction to men waning. i had always preferred women but found that in most cases at that time~men didnt even cause me to take a second look. then i met Mistress.

when Mistress and i met through mutual friends~you could say it was lust at first sight. i sensed in Her the perfect Dom for me. She noticed that anytime we would hook up-i would fold all of our clothes into neat piles. i would also take off Her shoes and socks and clean up after we ate. i didnt even realize i was doing it until She pointed it out when we were out eating with the friends that introduced us. one of our friends turned to Her and said " ----- dont you realize that ------ is a submissive". Her and i later talked about it and we shared with each other both of our pasts in bdsm. neither of us had ever had a 24/7 M/s relationship. we agreed to take it slow. Mistress is alot stronger than me and was worried about hurting me. i shared with Her that i wasnt only interested in it being just in the bedroom but wanted also to be Her service slave. we did some research online and both agreed that She is in charge of everything. i am allowed some input on certain things but She always has final say. our M/s dynamic is different than other people's and thats ok.

Her and i have been together for a few years and we have both learned alot about ourselves, each other and our bdsm reality. even though it would be ideal for our M/s life together to be like it is in books-the reality of life isnt fiction. we have had our rough patches like other couples. one thing i am thankful for is those rough patches brought us closer together. i have learned that i am always Her submissive slave even if we havent had any playtime together in awhile. i know now that being a submissive slave is not only my actions but my attitude. my attitude does suck at times and thats my fault. i am learning to talk to Mistress more often instead of letting things build to the point where its toxic for me and our relationship.

so what about my earlier ideas about what bdsm was all about??? my belief is those books are really good books...but what i have with Mistress is 100% better.

t.m.i. tuesday

2008-12-09T14:44:00.000-08:00

i got this off of luna's log. i read her blog often and will try to do one each tuesday.

1. Do you consider sexy underthings a present for you or your partner?
Mistress buys me the sexy underthings as She isnt into wearing girly femme things.

2. What are 3 characteristics of “your type”? Have your best relationship(s) been with your type or when you have gone against it?
dominant, honest & caring. yes-my best is with my type. i have had a couple relationships with people that werent dominant and they went south really quick.

3. What is on your Santa list this year?
more rest for Mistress and i, good health for family & more alone time for Mistress and i

4. Generally speaking, who has historically had a higher libido, you or your partner(s)?
i am in the mood more but Mistress has the longer sustaining power.

5. The unsculptured female bush seems to have passed from fashion. What about men, do you think they need to trim and shave “down there”?
doesnt apply to me since i am a lesbian

another meme & an update

2008-12-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

i am feeling better mentally but still have this dang cold & cough. i shared with Mistress my insecurities of Her leaving and She told me that if She was ever going to leave me~She would've a loooong time ago when we went through our roughest patch. She said i am stuck with Her and She is also stuck with me :)

Mistress is going out of town this weekend for a week to do some house sitting for a friend. i am going to miss Her :( She said She will call me so i can tell Her what i am up to. i am getting more into the christmas spirit. i have a surprise in mind for Mistress but will wait for Her to be out of town to do it.

here is a meme i found on another blog that i read. sorry i dont have alot of smut to write about. i am sure when we are feeling better~ playtime will commence.

1. Is sex best in the morning, afternoon, or night? - morning

2. On which side of the bed do you sleep? - right side

3. Pork, beef, or chicken? - beef

4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke? - yes-when pregnant with both children.

5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on? - left

6. Candles or incense? - candles

7. Do you dance when no one is watching? - on occasion

8. Did you play doctor when you were little? - oh yes >:)

9. Stove top cooking or microwave? - stove top (microwave for popcorn)

10. Would you rather your car or your house be dirty? - car

11. Shower or bath? - shower

12. Do you pee in the shower? - no

13. Mexican or Chinese food? - mexican

14. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? - aggressive

15. Do you own sex toys? - oh yes

16. Corn dogs or hot dogs? - cheese dogs

17. Your favorite restaurant? - la palma

18. What did you have for lunch today? - not yet but will probably have soup since i am currently sick

19. When did you last fall down? - a few months ago over the shadow of a tree (Mistress still laughs about that one)

20. Have you ever wished someone were dead? - no

21. Love or money? - love

22. Credit cards or cash? - cash-credit cards for emergencies only

23. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn’t? - oh yes

24. Oreos or vanilla wafers? - oreos

25. How do you like your steak cooked? - grilled with sauteed mushrooms

26. How do you like your eggs cooked? - over easy

27. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in a fight? - yes

28. Would you rather go camping or to a five star hotel? - camping

29. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery? - minor surgery

30. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money? - the head?...there isnt enough money in the world

31. Would you rather have lice or an STD? - who thought of this question-neither

32. What’s your favorite hard candy? - butterscotch

33. Ever been to a strip club? - yes

34. Ever been to a bar? - yes

35. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? - yes

36. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere? - no

37. Kissed someone of the same sex? - yes

38. Had sex in the car? - yes

39. Had sex at the beach? - yes

40. Had sex in a movie theater? - yes

41. Had sex in a bathroom? - yes

42. Have you ever been in an “adult” store? - yes

43. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with? -dont have a friends list.

44. Have you been caught having sex? - no

45. Have you ever kissed a stranger? -no

46. Does anyone have naughty pictures of you? - Mistress

a sick slave's insecurity

2008-12-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

this bug has really kicked me off of my ass. i have been doing my best to keep up with my duties and havent been able to complete all of them. Mistress hasnt complained but i still feel like i am not holding up my end of things. i am one of those that gets sick from watching a cold medicine commercial. that is why i like to keep things clean. my philosophy is that if you can't eat off of it then its not clean. Mistress calls me a germophobe. i carry around hand sanitizer everywhere. i am not "monk-ish" but close.

anyhoo...since i have been resting up alot (Mistress's orders) i have been doing alot of thinking (Mistress has smelled alot of smoke-lol). I am starting to slide into the big 4-0...as much as i have tried to deny it...it bothers me that i am getting older. i still get carded when buying alcohol which always feels great. i have just noticed more wrinkles and my hair has alot more grey lately. i could care less what other people think but i often wonder if my aging is affecting how Mistress sees me. Mistress says i am being ridiculous when i share my insecurities that She is no longer attracted to me. logically i agree but lately insecure thoughts have been roaming around my head. i have been feeling more down lately which has sunk my self esteem. next week i am going in to get my bipolar meds adjusted~that should help with my moods and lift my self esteem back to normal.

the children have also been sick and now Mistress is coming down with the bug. needless to say Mistress and i havent had any quality time. our oldest daughter had a talk with me the other day. she had asked me to do something she could do for herself. i told her i was in the middle of something and could she do it herself. she got a little pissy and mentioned that i dont do everything for her or her sister but i do everything for my wife. i told her that i dont do everything but i do alot because that is how we want our marriage to work. she just rolled her eyes at me and walked away. i know teens will be teens so i didnt get mad or defensive. our oldest daughter may know that our marriage isnt like alot of other marriages. she is 17 and very intuitive. she doesnt ask so we dont tell. our youngest hasnt a clue. she is almost 9 and we are very careful to be more guarded around her since she is at an impressionable age. we don't even let her watch the news. our grown son and his wife know some of our dynamic but not all of it.

well-its 3:30 am and i need to try to get some more sleep. this cough has been keeping me up. i took some syrup and its starting to make me sleepy. i have been looking for my hot taudy recipe but havent found it yet. does anyone know of a good recipe to knock out this cold???

a christmas meme

2008-12-04T07:55:00.000-08:00

i am still sick and thought maybe doing a christmas meme would help with my feeling blah. i am too lazy to tag anyone so if you are reading this...consider yourself tagged :)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? gift bags

2. Real tree or artificial? real tree

3. When do you put up the tree? day after thanksgiving

4. When do you take the tree down? january 2nd

5. Do you like eggnog? yummy~yes

6. Favorite gift received as a child? a horse. she was an appaloosa i named "queenie" and she was my best friend until the day she died.

7. Hardest person to buy for? our oldest grandson

8. Easiest person to buy for? our youngest daughter

9. Do you have a nativity scene? yes-it was a gift from my late nana. its inside a huge snow globe that plays "away in a manger".

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? depends on who it is.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? a wool sweater at a party at a former job~it was beautiful but i am allergic to wool :(

12. Favorite Christmas movie? "a christmas story" ("you'll shoot your eye out")

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? we shop all year around.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? yes~see #11

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Mistress's home-made dressing

16. Lights on the tree; colored or white? colored

17. Favorite Christmas song? "grandma got run over by a reindeer" & "mary did you know"

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? this year we are staying at home

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? yes

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? star

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? family gifts on christmas eve and then from santa christmas morning

22. Favorite ornament theme or color? blue & white

23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Mistress's dressing, my daughter inlaws cauliflower cheese dish & my homemade fudge.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? a nice whipping to end the year right.

25. Who is most likely to respond to this?whoever is in the christmas spirit.

sniffle....

2008-12-01T15:09:00.000-08:00

what i have been fearing has happened...i have a bad cold virus and there is nothing i can do about it. i woke up this morning coughing, sore throat and bad congestion. even though i am feeling under the weather i am feeling better than i have in awhile.

Mistress and i had quality time last night. i didnt even know She had planned it until i was sitting here on another website and She laid into me out of nowhere. She grabbed my nipple and pulled really hard while twisting. i barely had time to recover when She grabbed ahold of my neck and clamped down on it. She kept up the tit torture while squeezing my neck harder. the pain in my nipple was getting my pussy wet with excitement. i didnt have any air to breathe so i did the tap out signal so Mistress knew to let go so i could breathe. She let me take a breath and clamped down again. She did this a few times and then signaled for me to get my ass into our room.

i got up and went to the bedroom. Mistress started in with the tit torture again. the pain was yummy and my clit was buzzing and aching to be touched. Mistress sensed my excitement and gave me a kick right into my pussy. i almost came from the pain. She kept kicking me and turned around to heel kick my pussy. after one kick instead of putting Her foot down, She kept it right on my clit and rubbed it. it felt so good that i started moaning with pleasure. i was on the verge of having an orgasm when She pulled Her foot away. She continued punishing my nipples while my juices ran down my inner thighs. She turned me around and started scratching my ass and thighs. She dug Her nails into my ass and put Her ear by my mouth so She could hear me whimper in pain & pleasure. i needed to cum with a vengeance but She refused to give me permission. i went to sleep afterwards and slept good all night. then i woke up and felt like i was under attack by ninja germs. can a slave get sick from orgasm denial???

i still have an ache to cum but i will wait for Mistress's permission. we don't play while one of us is sick to avoid passing germs back and forth.

a case of the blues

2008-11-30T14:47:00.000-08:00

for some reason this year i am not really in the christmas spirit. i am usually in the spirit right after halloween but this year i feel indifferent. to be quiet honest i have been indifferent about alot of things. my libido is down (a rarity) and i have been moody, as in i am easily moved to tears. i think i have shared before that i am bipolar-i religiously take my meds and get enough sleep & eat as healthy as i can. i have just fell into an abyss over the last few weeks. i am calling tomorrow to make an appointment to see if i need an adjustment in my meds.

Mistress has been real patient with my crying. i wont go into details of the discussion-but She calmed my fear that She doesnt see me as an emotional burden and is not leaving. i am keeping up with my duties and i am allowed more free time to recharge myself. Mistress decided we are staying home for christmas and wont have other people over. i am soo grateful to Mistress for that. all of our christmas shopping is done. i have more to write about on other things but it is time to go watch a movie with Mistress.

later taters!!!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

2008-11-25T10:04:00.000-08:00

wow-this month has gone by fast.

i wanted to peek in and wish everyone a happy thanksgiving. this year we are going to be gone at our son's house. his wife is doing the majority of the cooking and i am making my famous fudge. Mistress is hopefully making Her home-made stuffing-i loooooove it, it's in its own food group :)

with us getting ready for the holidays and other things-Mistress and i havent had alot of quality time. She mentioned that we are going shopping for something on friday and She refuses to tell me what it is. the suspense is killing me......

since both of our birthdays are in april Mistress wants to collar me then. She was inspired by a comment on this blog to get a collar that She can zap me with to correct me. i am still on razor restriction and feel like i am smuggling toupee's under my arms and a wig in my crotch. i have commented to Mistress my discomfort and She will get an evil smirk on Her face and reply "sucks to be you". She is right.

i found my cell phone...it was in a box under alot of books. i havent any idea how it got there. Mistress is still getting the g1 phone-after the holidays. She is definitely a technophile.

i hope everyone has a safe holiday !!!

the mystery of the cell phone....

2008-11-18T07:44:00.000-08:00

after tearing my house apart and putting it back together-my beloved cell is nowhere to be found. i called around to the places we patronized and no one turned it in . Mistress called and shut it off and we are getting Mistress the new G1 and i am getting Her cell to use.

Mistress may have broke Her toe on our bedframe yesterday :(. She is staying off of it as much as She will. i have a previous commitment (a memorial service for a friend) or i would stay home with Her. She insists i go so i am.

a little update & mild rant...

2008-11-16T07:59:00.000-08:00

not feeling really in the mood to blog so much. not sure if its the weather, the bug going around the house or the fact that my rheumatoid arthritis is back with a vengeance. my laptop still is in the shop so i only have privacy in the early morning to blog, read other bdsm blogs or go on any of the bdsm sites i frequent. i am trying to comment on other blogs more after my morning coffee.

i have been busy around the house getting it spring cleaned for the holidays. the ra has slowed me down a little and i get tired alot. i have also been forgetting alot-lost my cell phone in the house and it must be dead because when i called it-i dont hear a ring. my mission today is to find the thing.

Mistress has been really patient due to the ra....although something last night bugged me. i was deep frying some hashbrown patties for Her. my hands were stiff and was having problems grasping the patties with the tongs. Mistress told me She would do it...i started to insist i could do it and then She gave me "that look" so i handed over the tongs. i hate it that i am not up to par. Mistress still corrects me when She senses an attitude in my voice but She is treating me with kid gloves when it comes to domestic service when the ra is restricting my movements. i still insist on putting Her shoes on & taking them off...even though it takes me more effort to get up off the floor afterwards.

i am calling to get a new doctor tomorrow. my current/soon to be former doc is a quack. he states that even though my records say that i have had ra since i was young and my blood work says i have it (the numbers on my bloodwork are high but he says not high enough for me to see a specialist) any complaint that i have...he diagnoses it to me getting older (i am 38) and that i am overweight (i have lost 100 lbs in the last 18 mos. and the pain is worse now than ever). sorry about the rant...

anyhooo....hopefully soon my laptop will be fixed and i will have better medical care so i can be the bestest slave i can be.

vibrations!!!

2008-11-08T18:04:00.000-08:00

thursday while running errands Mistress surprised me by having us go into an adult toy store. She said She was getting us something to celebrate the day in november a few years ago that we began dating. after looking around She decided on getting a wireless remote vibrating egg. i was thrilled and couldnt wait to try it out. after we got home Mistress put the batteries in and had me put it in. it felt really nice :) the remote allows Her to not only control the strength but also the type of vibrations. it was right against my g-spot and Mistress enjoyed seeing me in pleasure. however when i felt the wave of orgasm start-Mistress would turn it down. She had it turned all the way up a few times and i could feel the vibrations up into my skull. She told me to keep it in but She was going to give the batteries a rest. we began reading and everytime i was really into my book She would hit the remote to make me squirm and/or jump. my book almost went flying into the wall a few times. Mistress still refused to allow me to cum. as it got closer to our bedtime i asked Mistress if i could take it out and She said no. i kept it in and went to sleep. next thing i know i am being jarred awake by my pussy vibrating. Mistress is a light sleeper and everytime Her eyes opened She would hit the remote. once i jumped so far i bumped my head on the wall. needless to say i did not get that much sleep. Mistress was having aloooot of fun making me jump. next She wants me to wear it in public...i am mixed with anticipation and eagerness. i love how it feels. however it is going to be difficult for me to not let on what is going on. Mistress also informed me that soon we are going to begin on ass training. not for my pleasure -but for the humiliation of punishment.

we did try out the tens unit. Mistress put it on my flesh-the setting She had it on was too strong. Mistress has been trying to figure out why the settings are off. She is going to have it checked out before She tries it on my pussy. i am still on razor/veet restriction and i am worried about burning my pubes off. i do miss being bare but would rather look like chewbacca then to have my pussy burnt. Mistress loves that i am humiliated to be hairy.

Mistress also had fun putting green & red clothes clips on me. She had them all over my tits. She took Her time putting them on and had fun making different designs. i loved the pain. i dont know what it is but tit pain gives me micro-orgasms. all Mistress has to say is "give me your tits now" and my pussy gets all wet. She also bought a spatula with holes in it from the dollar store and used that on my ass & tits. it made pretty marks and bruises. the dollar store is a delight for the sadist in Mistress....also for the masochist in me.

my laptop croaked so now we are down to just the desktop until the laptop is fixed. i can't wait. this desktop is an antique. that is why this post is short. i want to get it posted before this damn thing freezes up. i will elaborate more on things when we get the laptop back.

everyone take care, stay warm and safe :)

tens unit???

2008-11-05T08:46:00.000-08:00

Mistress got me up bright and early the other morning and told me to get dressed because we were going out for a walk and a light breakfast. all was going well until the bus was late and i started feeling grumpy from the lack of my usual couple cups of espresso strong coffee first thing in the morning. Mistress asked what was wrong and in my caffeine deprived haze-i got mouthy and told Her exactly what was wrong. She wasnt amuzed to say the least with my attitude. She asked me rhetorically why i had forgotten my place. i tried explaining to Her that She knows i am grumpy before my coffee. i was confused and asked Her why i was in trouble since She has overlooked it before. She explained to me She overlooks it when we are at home but i know the rule of always being respectful when we are out in public. i knew i was in the wrong and apologized. She informed me that i was going to be punished after She thought about it. i let it go and we went out to breakfast. we then went to the dollar store where Mistress picked out rope, plastic red & blue clothes clips. She was looking at the spatulas for awhile but commented to me that we had enough at home and She still wanted to work in the whip on me. i kept envisioning myself being bound, clipped and whipped for the better part of the day. needless to say i was not looking forward to going home.

we finally made it home and Mistress had the look in Her eye that let me know that the time to be punished was near. the phone rang and i heard our teen answer it-she then came and knocked on our door and let us know that her bff had arrived in town early and they were wondering if she could come over a day early to visit for a week. we said ok and Mistress told me that i was basically saved from what She had in mind due to us having company but that She would figure out another way to punish me that was more discreet. She let me know later that evening that before we took off the next morning-She was going to put enhancement gel all over my clit and pussy for me to wear while we were out. i did a mini-laugh until i saw the look in Her eye and i realized She was serious. i got a bit angry at Her for being soo devious and clever. it is very hard for me to keep a straight face and not make a sound when i am aroused. i didnt sleep that good from staying up and strategizing on how i could be oblivious to the gel and not let on to anyone that i was aroused. Mistress also let me know that this punishment did not absolve me from being bound, clipped and whipped. that would happen after our company was gone.

the next morning Mistress put the gel on and i felt it tingle. Mistress told me to get dressed and get ready to go. i was mentally trying to ignore the sensations until we were outside and the wind gusted through me. the second the wind hit my crotch-my clit went "schwing" and my legs started turning to rubber. Mistress asked me what was wrong with a smirk on Her face. i whispered to Her that i just needed a moment. She denied my request and told me to start walking. i did as i was told. i made it through out the morning and afternoon ok. Mistress cracked up when She saw that i was so aroused that i had a wet spot in my pants. Mistress received a package that was a tens unit. She informed me that She is going to try it out on my pussy at Her discretion. i am a bit nervous about it. She has experience with them but i dont. does anyone have experience with them?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

2008-10-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

wishing everyone a safe & happy halloween.

seeing as today & tonight Mistress and i are going to be busy with family things. Mistress gave me my halloween treat early...with a trick. i had just taken a shower when Mistress told me to lay down on the bed on my back with my legs spread and to not move. She then proceeded to apply some sexual enhancement gel to my clit with the smirk She gets on Her face when She is up to something >:) the gel started making my clit tingly and very cool. i was already horny before She applied it and the gel made my clit that much harder. Mistress then brought out my favorite toy and told me to turn it up all the way and put it on my clit and keep it there until She said to take it off. i did as i was told. when the vibration hit my clit i almost came right then and there. Mistress then had me turn onto my side away from Her and i heard Her rummaging through Her toybox. i was into the glorious sensations on my clit when i heard a "whip" and felt the bullwhip sting on my ass. the feel of the whip with the sensations on my clit made me start tumbling into an orgasm. i asked Mistress if i could cum and She said i could cum whenever i wanted. She continued to whip my ass and my back. i kept cumming and each orgasm was more intense than the last. i few stings of the whip were a bit too painful but i never safeworded. Mistress sensed it and eased up a bit.

i heard the phone ring from where i was in subspace. Mistress told me not to make a sound as She answered the phone. it was a family member who needed us to help them with something. Mistress put the whip away and let me cum a few more times. i went and cleaned up and started to get dressed. i saw Mistress with the zip-ties. She proceeded to put a zip-tie really tight around my left nipple...and when i say tight...i mean TIGHT!!! Mistress then started laughing because my nipple started turning a deep purple immediately. She brought out the scissors and then after trying to cut the zip-tie off She said "here,you try to get it off i cant do it". i tried and couldnt. She then mentioned something about going to the emergency room. i started panicking and told Mistress i didnt want to go to the emergency room. i started crying "its going to fall off"

Mistress laughed and i then realized in my subspace haze that the whole thing was a joke. She snipped off the zip-tie and we finished getting ready and went to help our family member.

soooo.....how was your halloween???

beating me out of the blues

2008-10-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

Mistress and i had some quality time today-She made sure of it. i had been feeling blue, out of it and found it hard to focus. it had been awhile since Mistress had inflicted delicious pain on me and i was needing it.Mistress had also been on edge as She hadnt been able to let off any steam by the same token.

we had our place to ourselves this afternoon-so Mistress gave me the look that it was time for me to get my beating. Mistress started out with punishing my ass by kicking it hard. Mistress knows i prefer my ass to be whipped but She will kick to make the pain more intense. She generally starts out slow but not today.i saw the look on Her face and knew She needed to beat me more than i needed Her to beat me. with the first kick i knew the pain was going to be intense. i was loving every minute of it. at first my ass was warm but then it grew hot. a few kicks caught me in the pussy by mistake. i gasped in surprise but then relished the pain that was making my juices start to flow. my ass was fire hot and i knew that there was going to be alot of bruises for awhile. i felt the endorphins start to kick in and was feeling all glowy.

Mistress then turned me around and pulled on my growing pubes. i thought maybe She had decided to just pull them all out to make my pussy bald again. a part of me was hoping not and a part of me was hoping She would. She let go and then proceeded to punch at my thighs. my ass was on fire and now my legs were being pummeled. the pain was almost unbearable but it was decadent.

Mistress then started on what i think is Her favorite-breast & nipple torture. i love it too. Mistress grabbed my left breast and twisted it hard while squeezing it. She does this thing where She will take a pinch of breast (or nipple) and put it between Her thumb and forefinger and tweak it really hard while squeezing as hard as She can. it feels like She is ripping a piece of flesh out of my breast (or nipple). that scares me which makes the pain more intense and heightens my enjoyment. Mistress let go of my boob and then grabbed at the nipple-first teasing it to make it rock hard and then pulling it while twisting it.

my vision started getting blurry and i was unaware of some of the things Mistress was doing to me. Mistress knew i was in subspace so She stopped and after we showered-we sat on our couch playing our favorite online games and watching some tv programs we like to watch. i thanked Mistress for my beating and She gave me a wierd smile. i asked Her "what?" and She didnt answer. i found out after a bit what She was smiling about. one thing She has been training me on is to not make a sound while i am being punished or disciplined. i guess a friend of mine had called when i was busy this morning and told Mistress she would call back at a specific time. Mistress didnt tell me but made sure i was home at that time.

my friend called when she said she would and so i began chatting with her and filling her in on what i have been up to. this friend of mine is very vanilla and doesnt know the full extent of Mistress's and my dynamic. Mistress knows this and so She knew this would be the perfect time to do what She had been training me to do. Mistress moved over closer to me on the couch when i was on the phone and laid Her hand across me and into my lap. i thought nothing of it and continued talking. next thing i knew-BAM-Mistress smacked Her hand into my breast and had a handful of it. She was squeezing it really hard and twisting it. i looked at Her and She mouthed to me to not make a sound and to talk to my friend. i did as i was told. Mistress let go and i thought She was done, but nope, She grabbed another handful and was twisting it all over the place. She did this several times and i did really good at not making any noise but talking to my friend. Mistress then grabbed again and dug Her nails into my nipple. i let out a "oooouuuccchhhiiieee mama". my friend asked "what?" and i told her the cat just scratched me. Mistress let out a chuckle and let go. just then a program was starting that Mistress and i love so i told my friend i had to let her go. Mistress and i watched our program and Mistress went to bed early because we have to leave before the crack of dawn to go out of town on business.

i am feeling alot better. my ass, thighs and tits are all bruised and marked. i love it when Mistress leaves marks on me. to me they are a token of my submissiveness to Mistress and a token of Her dominance to me. Mistress and i have been talking about the different titles in bdsm. i am Her submissive wife, Her property and Her slave as She has final say in everything. i only have say when She permits it. i do have equal say in our children and grandchildren because Mistress permits it. Mistress does not micromanage me and She loves that i am fiesty. i am only submissive to Her. i am respectful of other people but also independent and an alpha female. Mistress is one of but a few that have been able to quash the alpha in me-to top me and take my submissiveness from me. when i met Mistress i sensed in Her my dominant soulmate and She sensed in me Her submissive soulmate :)

i love you Mistress

my celebrity look-alikes

2008-10-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

some of my readers have messaged me via fetlife and inquired on seeing pics of me. Mistress still restricts me from doing so. recently i ran across a website that compares your face photo(s) and the results come in percentages as to which celebrities the photo looks like. i compared several of mine and the top of the list always included thora birch, kimberly williams and missi pyle. Mistress thinks the thora birch is dead on of me when i was younger. She also says kimberly and missi do favor me in the face too. i didnt see it at first until i compared the photos and i do look alot like them. kinda wierd how the face i see every day is hard for me to see in the faces of others.

if i dont post before friday-i want to wish everyone a happy & safe halloween :)

7 random facts

2008-10-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

while reading one of my favorite blogs-the author tagged all of her readers so here it goes:

* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.

1. i am a chocaholic-especially truffles, and only without nuts

2. i need coffee for my brain to function-and i mean STRONG coffee. (Mistress calls it mud)

3. my 2nd and 3rd toes are webbed together. it is congenital and hereditary.

4.i am a major germaphobe. i always use napkins to open doors and i sanitize the grocery cart i use to shop with. when i wash my hands Mistress says i look like a surgeon scrubbing in for surgery.

5. i am the black sheep of the family but the only one that still talks to every member of my family.

6. i was pooped on by a seagull flying overhead when i was 6 and ever since then i panic and cover my head when a bird flies over my head. Mistress gets a kick out of it :)

7. i think snakes & reptiles are cool but the site of a wild mouse/rat will have me climbing onto the tops of furniture.

if you read this and have a blog-consider yourself tagged :)

Mistress's inspirations from other blogs....

2008-10-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

this past week Mistress indulged herself by reading some of the blogs that i read. on one particular blog She read that the m of that dynamic has forbidden the s from shaving anything at all. Mistress got Her evil smirk on Her face and said to me "you are not to touch a razor until I say so". i pleaded with Her to rethink it and She said to not say another word about it or the way She chooses to take the hair off will be more painful. i hate the feeling of hair. i am of sicilian descent so it doesnt take long at all for the hair to get long. i feel yucky, irritated and downright unsexy. i got snippy for a moment with Mistress in public the other day and when we got home She let me have it. She pinched, squeezed,punched & slapped me all over except my face. She almost pulled my left breast off when i touched Her out of reflex from the pain. Her eyes got really big and She said "what have I told you about touching Me?". the punishment went on for the better part of the day. Mistress let me take breaks to rehydrate myself and to use the bathroom. She let me know that She is displeased with me because i am not applying myself to be all that i can be. my bipolar and panic attacks have been effecting me and She is displeased i havent been eating enough from my anxiety or keeping my mouth in check when i am irritable from the bipolar. i am going in next week to get my meds re-evaluated and getting a complete physical which is way overdue. i hate doctors but Mistress insists i go and so i am.

anyhow-Mistress has also been looking at alot of bdsm equipment online and is now making some of them Herself. She already has home-made nipple clamps, restraints and a paddle. She also wants to make Her own leather whipping straps, floggers, canes and tack bra. i registered on the slave registry and Mistress and i are looking into getting our contract done and pick out a leash and collar for me. it will take awhile as Mistress hates rushing to do things when it comes to us. She likes us to take our time and enjoy each moment......so do i.

the tale of toys & the tidal wave

2008-10-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

Mistress now has me off of orgasm denial :). She gave me permission to have toytime when She was out running errands on saturday. the children were gone so i had the whole place to myself. i was using the dolphin toy on my pussy and after i came a couple of times an idea hit me-"i wonder what it would feel like to use this and the vibrating egg on my pussy at the same time". now to remind you-Mistress did Her "tim the tool-man" routine on it and now has the wires safely spliced to a big plug for more power. the last few times the egg has been used on me i have squirted so i got out the usual towels W/we use to make cleaning up easier. i laid down on the towels and started with the dolphin toy again. it is my favorite as i know how & where to put it for maximum effect. the shaft part goes around and around so it stimulates my gspot just right. i was getting into it and started to feel an orgasm on the horizon. i plugged the egg in with my free hand and then applied it to my clit. oooooooh mmmmmmy goooooood. it felt so good that i felt myself instantly starting to cum. i didnt want to and held it off as much as i could. i pressed the egg harder into my clit so it would also vibrate into my gspot and i was rewarded with the exquisite sensation of needing to squirt. i let go and came and squirted like usual. while i was convulsing from cumming my thighs cramped together which pressed the dolphin toy & egg harder into me. i felt another orgasm hurdling at me like a freight train and i knew it was going to be a big one. i couldnt relax to get my legs open and my legs were to weak to stand up. all i could do was lay there. i held onto the bed so i wouldnt fall off (hate it when that happens). the orgasm hit and i felt my juices gushing onto my inner thighs. i just let it all out. as soon as that orgasm started to go away-another one was on its heels. with every orgasm i squirted more and more. all i could feel was the heavenly sensations in my pussy. i lost count of the orgasms and became unaware of my surroundings. i thought i was going to masturbate myself to death. is that possible? i could imagine the headline "nympho dies from masturbation". when i became aware of earth again i found that the batteries had died in the dolphin and the egg had somehow found its way away from my clit and onto the bed beside me. i was all tingly, glowing and really relaxed. i savored the moment for awhile to let the feelings come back to my body and limbs. then i started to feel wetness, underneath all of me, and it wasnt sweat. i thought maybe i had somehow knocked over my glass of water. however when i looked-the glass was still there with water in it. i sat up & looked and saw that the whole bed was soaked. oh shit-it wasnt water-it was my squirt juices. it was all over the bed, my legs and somehow some had even gotten onto the walls. i took a shower and stripped and made the bed. Mistress called while i was making it and She asked why i was changing sheets. i told her what i had done-She couldnt comment as She was on a bus. when She got home She looked at the sheets and said "looks like you had alot of fun". i told Her i had and thanked Her for allowing me to do it. thank you Mistress

???detachable nipples???

2008-10-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

nice title-huh-well let me explain.

last monday night Mistress was doing more breast and nipple torture on me. She had punched, slapped and squeezed my tits all bruisy. it felt delicious and it made my pussy wet. to make me even wetter She started to squeeze and pinch my nipples. i had closed my eyes as She squeezed harder and harder. i felt the world start to melt away and was vaguely aware of my surroundings. Mistress tugged on a nipple which indicated to me to open my eyes. i looked down to see Her pulling to stretch out my right nipple and to twist it (like someone would twist a washcloth to wring out excess water). She twisted it as far as it would go. the pain was unbearable and i felt myself ready to cum. before i could ask for permission She started to pinch it really hard. i saw stars in my mind and felt my body turning to jelly. my pussy was quivering and the juices were running down my thighs. Mistress then twisted it harder while pinching it harder and my eyes almost popped out of my head. She realized i was in subspace and at my limit so She let go. i dropped onto my back on my side of the bed. apparently one of my knuckles lightly thumped the wall-however when i heard the sound the first thought that popped into my head was "did my nipple fall off"~trouble was...i said it out loud. Mistress started cracking up~She laughed so hard that tears were coming out of Her eyes. i didnt realize i had said it out loud~when i am in subspace my v-chip is disabled and i am unaware of what i say. She said She wished She had it on video so She could send it to an american funniest home porn show with the title "detachable nipples". She said i had the cutest serious face when i said it. its been almost a week and She is still walking by me and grabbing a pinch of nipple while walking away and saying "i need your nipple for awhile". will i ever live this down? has anyone else had an embarrassing moment during a scene?

Mistress also helped me break down and release alot of stuff this week. alot of things have been going on and i am the type that will deny how much it bothers me and keep busy doings things to avoid whats bothering me. alot of anger was building up and Mistress could sense it. She started to nitpick about things. She would ask me to do something and while i was doing it, She would ask me to do something else. then while doing the latter thing She would want to know why i wasnt doing the former. then when i would be trying to sleep She would knock on my forehead to wake me up. She also started to with-hold affection which She knows hurts my feelings and i get angry when my feelings are hurt. She kept this up for a few days-just mindfucking me. Mistress knows me better than i know myself and can get me to react just the way She wants me to. i finally reached my breaking point and became uber-bitch. She calls it "worse than a fighting pit bull mode" when i get that way. i got disrespectful and instead of ignoring me like She usually does-She got right in my face and scared me. i was backed into the cupboard and i asked Her to back up. She refused and kept telling me how pissed off She was. i got even more scared and then it happened-the dam broke and i just started crying. Mistress backed up and let me have my space. i cried hard for a few hours and felt alot better. i talked to Her about the things i had pented up. i know She would never abuse me. She just wanted to scare me to kick in my fight or flight response. i had no place to fly and i will never hit Mistress. She knew i would get scared which would help me move pass the anger and let things out.

now that that i feel better inside- i have the bug that is going around. i am sleeping on the couch-not as punishment but so Mistress wont get sick to just pass it back to me. She checks on me during the night and makes sure i push liquids and get alot of rest. wow-this thing turned into a book. well...the cough med is kicking in so i will bid y'all a good night :)

whips & clips

2008-10-04T00:26:00.000-07:00

i wanted to peek in and say hi. Mistress has kept me busy with getting the house ready for colder weather. W/we have also been out of town alot handling family things. with everything going on the bdsm kinda went to nil with U/us. i am always Mistress's submissive but i started to miss O/our quality time. Mistress knows me like a book so on O/our way back into town-She stopped and bought a new bull whip for U/us to enjoy. She has already tested it out on my ass and it felt delicious. W/we were running errands today and Mistress bought a bulk set of alligator clips. the children are home this weekend so they will probably be used this next week.

well-Mistress is telling me its time to get off the net. i will update more at a later time.

the change of seasons

2008-09-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

today is officially the first day of autumn and the weather has been fitting for the last few days. Mistress told me that i must go through the rest of O/our storage and get rid of everything W/we don't need. i have been doing this along with deep cleaning the house. it is the start of cold season which has kicked my OCD tendencies into high gear. it has also aggravated my rheumatoid arthritis so my joints are a bit stiff and sore. sometimes it takes me a bit more time to complete my duties but i get them done. i am soo lucky that Mistress understands this and knows i am doing the best that i can.

Mistress isnt ignoring me anymore. there is alot going on with the children so W/we didnt play this last weekend. i was read something on fetlife that rang true for me. M/s or D/s is not all about the physical aspect (play/sex). it is also about service and the intention of the heart. i love Mistress and i live to submit to Her will. i am just as happy submitting to Her torturing my tits as i am submitting to taking Her shoes off. my 24/7 submission to Her is from my heart, not just from the physical act of presenting my body for Her to punish.

tit torture & other training

2008-09-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

with U/us now having more alone time~Mistress has decided to put me through more training. one afternoon i was restricted to the bathroom. She had me take my clothes off. She then handed me the egg and told me to go into O/our bathroom and apply it to my clit until She said to stop. She also said i could cum when & how many times i wanted to-i just had to not make a sound while doing it. i also had to sit on the closed toilet seat and not fall off or move it in any way. O/our toilet seat pops off if there is a draft so i knew i wouldnt be able to move a hair. i went into the bathroom and sat, turned on the egg and put it to my clit. it felt really good but i wasnt able to really get into it because i was being careful to not make a sound or move. i started to feel myself cum so i braced my feet to the floor so i wouldnt move. i also put my free hand over my mouth so i wouldnt make a sound. i came and peaked out the door to Mistress to see if i was finished. She motioned for me to shut the door which meant i wasnt. i came 5 more times and with each one it grew harder and harder to not move or make a sound. Mistress was pleased with me and allowed me to play my favorite computer games :) thank you Mistress.

a couple days after that W/we were going through storage boxes and Mistress found an old motor for a battery charger. She got this evil grin on Her face and told me to bring Her the egg.

i brought it to Her and She had me sit down to watch Her splice the wires to the egg to the motor. She then handed it to me and told me to go try it out in the bathroom. i didnt have to stay in there. She just wanted me to put it on my clit, turn it on and come report to Her how it felt. i went into the bathroom,pulled off my pants & panties and turned the egg on. it vibrated my whole hand. i knew not to hesitate in doing as i was told so i put it up to my clit. my clit went "schwing" and my mind went "holy shit". i took it off, turned it off and put my pants and panties back on. i went back to Mistress and told Her how it felt. She smiled and had me put it back up.

W/we continued going through things and Mistress found a set of medical clamps. where She got them-i haven't a clue-but there they were. She came over and sat next to me. She grabbed my right breast and put the clamp on there. the pain was delicious. She twisted the clamp clockwise and counterclockwise and i felt my pussy getting wet. She unclamped it and reclamped it on another part of that tit. She repeated twisting it back & forth and i moaned in pleasure. She then grabbed at my nipple and tweaked it to make it hard. She took the clamp and clamped it to my nipple. the pain was almost unbearable. She then grabbed a rubber band and applied it to the clamp handle so She didnt have to keep Her hand on it. She told me not to move and kept it there for awhile. it was an intense mix of pleasure and pain. it was one of those "hurt so good" moments. She undid the rubber band and unclamped the clamp real fast. the pain always hurts worse on my tits when things are taken off than when they are put on. She then started tweaking the left nipple and put the clamp on. She didnt apply the rubberband but repeated the twisting and pulled on the nipple some. i almost came from the pain but i didnt since Mistress didnt give me permission. She kept twisting & pulling and it felt like She was going to pull my nipple off. logically i know that would never happen but it felt like it. when She took the clamp off my nipple looked mutated. i had marks all over my right breast with that nipple bruised and my left nipple was also bruised. Mistress had me lay down on my stomach to keep the nerves stimulated and hurting. She asked if i was wet and i said yes. after the pain subsided She let me sit up.

She asked if they still hurt and i said yes. She said she could take my mind off of my tits and proceeded to snap the bottoms of my feet with the rubberband. it was stinging like hell but i enjoyed it and it definitely took my mind off of my tits.Mistress then told me to get something off of the floor by the bottom of O/our bed. i laid down to get it and immediately felt a "swack" on my ass. i looked at Mistress and She had a hairbrush in Her hand that She was spanking me with. She spanked me a few times with the flat side. She then looked at the brush, turned it over and spanked me with the bristles side. the bristles made my ass sting. Mistress was spanking me in the same spot over & over. i looked at Her and told Her it was getting numb. She didnt like how i said it and got really angry with me. She said that making it numb was what She was going for and She didnt like me complaining about it. i tried to explain to Her that i was just trying to inform Her and wasnt complaining. She didnt want to hear it and told me the discussion was over. She told me W/we will talk about it again when She decides to-which is ok with me. She is the one in charge. i shouldve not have opened my mouth and let Her do what She was doing. i shouldve of waited for Her to ask me for my input. i know i am in trouble and Mistress is displeased with me. i am soo sorry Mistress :( i wasnt allowed to sleep in bed with Her that night after i was banished to the back porch for awhile. She was ignoring me for a couple days but now She is talking to me more. She knows that i hate being ignored-i would rather be whipped harshly. i have learned my lesson and still submitting to Her.

Has anyone else had their dom ignore them as punishment?

crate time...punishment

2008-09-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

i really goofed this morning. i woke up in a foul mood. i slept through the alarm and while making coffee i forgot to plug it in. i didnt realize it until i went to drink a cup before Mistress and i had to leave. when Mistress and i got to where W/we were going W/we found out W/we were really early...Mistress had remembered the time wrong. She was able to get in early anyways. i was still trying to wake up and Mistress came out and was raring to go. W/we started walking and i was diddle-dawdling, which is against the rules. Mistress told me to hurry and i answered i was-i just had the wrong tone in my voice. i looked at Mistress and She had that look in Her eye-i knew i had crossed the line. i tried explaining to Mistress that i was grumpy because i hadnt had any coffee. She said that the new rule is i am 100% responsible for everything that comes out of my mouth. She told me when W/we got home i was to immediately get into the crate naked.

when W/we got home, i took my clothes off and got into the crate. i had to sit with my legs crossed, my head down and my palms to my sides with the palms up. Mistress walked by the crate and locked it and told me not to make a sound. i was quiet for awhile. i then saw O/our dog chewing on herself and i said "stop it" before i realized i was saying it. Mistress came out and asked me "didnt i tell you to be quiet". i explained why i spoke to the dog. She said "i don't care, i told you not to make a sound and you will learn". She then got O/our heavy duty mister and sprayed me down with ice cold water. my nipples got really hard. to make it colder Mistress brought in a fan and put it on high on me. i stayed in position while feeling the freezing air on me. the fan was blowing my hair everywhere and a strand of it fell on my nipple. out of habit i went to pluck it off. my nipple was so sensitive that the feel of my fingertips made me "mmmmm". Mistress saw and heard and said "did i tell you that you could touch yourself?". i said no but i was getting a hair off of me and that my nipples were extra sensitive because i was soooo cold. Mistress said "you're cold,huh, well, i can fix that and you will learn not to touch yourself like that without my permission". She left the room for awhile and when She came back-i saw that She had the vibrating egg. now one thing about Mistress, She loves to take toys and "tim the tool man taylor them"~ Her mantra is "more power". She had taken off the original controls for the egg and had spliced it to a battery pack for more & bigger batteries. She handed me the egg and said "put it on your clit and dont you dare take it off until i tell you to". i took the egg and put it on my clit. She turned it on and i almost immediately came. it had soo much power that i felt the vibrations in my teeth. Mistress leaned against the wall and watched me. i felt myself getting ready to orgasm, i asked "may i cum Mistress". She said "not yet". i fought the urge to cum and felt like if i didnt cum that my head was going to pop off. i waited all that i could wait and asked again if i could cum. Mistress gave me permission to. i came and i came hard. my whole body tensed, shook and felt the rush of orgasm. i thought that i was done but when I looked up at Mistress She said "keep it on there". i kept the egg on my too sensitive clit. i moved it a bit to the other side but it hit a more sensitive spot. my eyes almost popped out from the feeling being soo intense. i felt myself on the edge of cumming again. i asked Mistress for permission and She said " cum if you want but you will not take it off of your clit until i say so, cum all you want". i came again but kept the egg on. i knew that if i disobeyed Mistress at this point, the punishment would be alot worse. with every orgasm-they became more intense. my legs were completely numb and i had to lay in the crate on my side. my fingers were numb from the vibrating so i placed my palm over the egg. i had to fold the egg into my pussy lips so it wouldnt slip out of my palm. when i did this-the egg vibrated my whole pussy, including my gspot area in my pussy. Mistress must have sensed it because She moved to get a better view of me. i started to cum while also having the sensation to pee which i knew meant only one thing-time to squirt. as i came i pushed from inside my pussy and i squirted all over my legs and the bottom of the crate. Mistress said "you're not done yet". Mistress loves it when i squirt and She loves watching me make myself cum. i moved around as much as i could so Mistress could see better. i pressed the egg with my palm harder into my pussy so it would vibrate even deeper in my gspot. it took only a few seconds for me to feel myself getting ready to squirt again. when i came i pushed again but instead of the orgasming starting to subside i felt one another one beginning. i was having multiple orgasms and with each one-i squirted more and more. i started to go into convulsive like shakes from sensory overload. i still had the frame of mind to keep the egg on my clit. Mistress asked "have you learned to watch your mouth?". i said "yes Mistress, please no more, i will watch my mouth". She said, "well i want to make sure you remember this so keep it on there". by this point the orgasms were starting to hurt. my clit was oversensitive and it didnt take much for me to cum. i kept the egg on my clit but my side was feeling cramped so i went to turn over, the egg hit another area of my clit and i grabbed a bar of the crate as i felt myself orgasming again. as i came my body tensed and i squirted some more. i told Mistress "no more please, please Mistress no more". She said "not done yet, keep it there". i rolled over on my other side and used my palm to move the egg to a less sensitive area~the area seemed to have more nerve endings then i remembered. i pressed the egg into it as Mistress watched. i felt myself starting to orgasm-it was a different kind of orgasm. as i came i felt an explosion from deep inside my pussy-i pushed and gushed a big pool onto the crate floor. i have squirted before but never gushed. Mistress said " have you learned your lesson". i said "yes,Mistress". She said "ok-next time you get mouthy you will be in here longer and the punishment will be worse".

She let me out and i asked permission to go and shower. She watched me shower and i could tell that She was really horny from watching me orgasm and squirt in the crate. the children are going to be home soon so i dont know what more She has planned. will keep ya posted.

routine on the homefront....

2008-09-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

the children started back to school and i have been fall cleaning the house...cleaning it as much as i can when W/we are at home. my typical day is as follows:

5:30 am. i get up to walk the dog and start my coffee. i start the dishwasher from the night before.i do my morning checking & responding of personal email and then do some work on the computer for the organizations i work for...during which i drink a few cups of my strong coffee. the oldest child is generally up getting ready for school and we discuss what activities she has going on that day. she leaves at 6:45ish.

7 am. i get youngest up for school and while she is getting ready i finish up any computer work. i empty the dishwasher & discuss with youngest any activities she has going on that day. i feed her breakfast and she goes out to the bus at 7:45ish. i watch her from the window as the bus stop is right in front of our place. she is at the age now where she is wanting to be independent enough to stand by herself to talk with all of her friends but still see me looking from the window.

depending on what time W/we have to be somewhere-i wake up Mistress about an hour before W/we have to leave. i ask Her if She is in the mood for breakfast and if so-ask Her what She wants and i make it for Her. i serve Her in front of Her laptop while She is doing Her morning routine. i eat beside Her while also doing more computer work. W/we also chat about what W/we have to do that day. when Mistress is done-She hands me Her plate and i put dishes into the dishwasher . i walk the dog again.

W/we do our daily errands. when W/we get home, i ask Mistress if She is hungry and if She is i make Her something to eat. i will make me something also if i am hungry. Mistress eats lunch with a dr. pepper and i eat mine with a diet pepsi. when Mistress is done She hands me Her plate and i put the dishes in the dishwasher. Mistress then either relaxes while watching tv or takes a nap. it is generally during this time that Mistress will punish me for any infractions. if i am not to be punished then i use this time to clean up around the house. each day i focus on a specific room to deep clean. i walk the dog again.

2:30 the children get home from school and it is homework time. the youngest will read to one of us for 15-20 minutes and practice her writing for 15 minutes.

4:00 the oldest will have her computer time while the youngest goes outside to play. Mistress keeps an eye on her while i vacuum the entire house. She will also walk the dog with the youngest.

5:00 i start dinner and all daily chores are to be done. while dinner is cooking i check my computer to see if i need to do any work at that time.

6:00 dinner. during dinner we talk with the children about what went on that day and other things.

6:45 everyone is done by now. i clear the table, load up the dishes into the dishwasher and get it ready to start later.i also wipe down the entire kitchen with disinfectant wipes.

7:00 Mistress and i take O/our showers while the youngest has her computer time.

8:30 the youngest will take her shower and get ready for bed.

8:45ish i walk the dog again. when i get back in Mistress will turn down the house.

9:00 the youngest goes to bed and Mistress and i retire to bed with O/our door shut. W/we have a dry eraser board on O/our door so if the children want U/us to know something that is not 911 vital-they can write it on there for U/us to read later. W/we have the same thing on the fridge to leave messages for the children if W/we dont expect to be home when they return from school.

W/we do as Mistress wishes. wether it be play, internet surfing, watching a movie or whatever.

so that is my typical day. sometimes life happens & the routine goes out the window. even then the central focus of anything to me is Mistress and the children.

i havent had any infractions so i am really proud to not have displeased Mistress in any way :)

the other side of the coin is that there has been so much going on that W/we both have been too tired to play. i am not stressed about it. now dont get me wrong-i love it when Mistress ravages me. however there is more to O/our marriage that hot sex. i know once things settle down....Mistress will have me begging for mercy...not that She'd give in to me begging. the sex isnt over until She says its over....no complaints from me :)

more training

2008-08-31T21:31:00.000-07:00

sorry that i havent posted in almost a week. Mistress and i have been real busy with many things and more training. W/we went to the home improvement store where Mistress was able to get the prices on Her projects. She also picked out some eye bolts & chains and gave me a look to let me know that those are for what She has in store for me. She also has a cage/crate She has told me i will be kept in as punishment for minor infractions.

the next day W/we were running errands and i got a bit mouthy. O/our truck is broken down so W/we were using public transit. to teach me to keep my mouth quiet She pinched my nipples really hard and gave me a look to act normal. i was sitting by the window and She was sitting by the aisle so no one could see what She was doing under O/our bags. i knew better than to say anything but the hardest part was not making any faces to give away that She was torturing my nipples. when W/we got home i cut Her hair. W/we were taking a shower when She got that look in Her eye. She began to tease my breast & nipples. my clit got really hard and i told Her so. She then put the shower on pulsate and pulled the shower head & put it right on my clit. i instictly went to move away and She said "DON"T" & tweaked my nipple. She moved around the shower head until i thought i was going to cum. my hands were behind my back. i looked at Her for permission for release and She had a smirk on Her face. She pulled the shower head away and then put it back again to bring me to the brink of cumming. She did this a few more times but refused to let me cum. She turned the shower head back to spray and started spraying down my face. i held my breath until i thought i couldnt hold it no more and She would pull it away so i could breath. She had the water on very warm but when She got out to let me shower-she turned it down to just above cold. i showered with the curtain half open while She dried off so She could watch me with hardened nipples from the cool water. to make things colder She opened up the door & the draft made my nipples that much harder. She left me to finish and when i went to O/our room to dress-i was disappointed to not find Her there. i found Her outside and She refused to allow me toytime or to finish fucking me. She did have me go into the house where W/we did some improvised needle play with skewers. She didnt break the skin as i knew She wouldnt. She still pressed real hard~it hurt but not enough for me to use the safeword. She knows i trust Her. the next morning W/we went outside in the cold and engaged in more nipple play. Mistress loves it when my nipples are hard so She can flick them and squeeze them to make my pussy wet. She was doing such a good job i thought i was going to cum. She sensed it and stopped. i am still on orgasm restriction and i am not allowed to touch myself erotically.

i forgot to put my glasses on while reading again so i was internet restricted for a day.

the next day W/we received a new bed from some good friends. they had bought it for their spare room in their previous house. they moved into a smaller place so they gave U/us the bed that was only slept on a couple times. Mistress and i love it and bought satin sheets for it. i can't wait to break the bed in but O/our main priority right now is keeping the house quiet so the children can rest up for their first day of school.

that pretty much was O/our week.

discussions...

2008-08-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

today Mistress and i ran a few errands and made it home before it began to downpour again. i think this area has seen the last of summer. anyhow...Her and i were talking again on safety words. Mistress wants to do more training with a mouth gag and bondage. She came up with the idea that when i am gagged if i need Her to stop right away~i will tap 3 times. when She wants to check on me She will say my name 3 times and if i don't acknowledge Her She will cease immediately. We practiced some today when the kiddies were on the other side of the house. Mistress had me in strange positions and She would instruct me on when to tap out and i did. Mistress has it in Her head that i am more limber than what i am. i mentioned to Her afterwords that i am a submissive lesbian~not a submissive contortionist. She had me in one position that i felt my heel was going to touch the back of my head. i know that would never happen but thats what it felt like.

Mistress has been also anxious for school to start. we already have the kids back on their school sleep schedules. all that needs to happen is for the first day to get here and i have a feeling Mistress is going to make up for lost time so i may not be able to blog for a few days while we celebrate our privacy :)

this weather sucks. the lack of sun really affects my energy. Mistress and i are going to a home repair store tomorrow to look for supplies for Her many projects and i am going to check out full spectrum bulbs. i read that they really work by simulating sun light which will help with us feeling soo blah. they are also really good for houseplants which i am getting once we get moved. i am not really sure what project Mistress is working on now but She said She wants to complete it asap.

oh-i did have someone message me on fetlife who asked why i hadnt posted any personal pics. Mistress restricts me from doing so. Her rule is i am only for Her to look at~end of discussion. i am "Her puppy", "Her girl", "Her wife",etc.......

submissive~service & masochist

2008-08-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

i am feeling better now and getting back into my full routine. i felt bad earlier today because i had let a couple of my duties go to the wayside when i was sick. Mistress doesnt like me to stress but it was hard. i felt panicky because i was worried that i wasnt being "submissive" enough. being a submissive is more than just enjoying kinky hot monkey sex. i live to submit to Mistress's will. i live to wait on Her hand & foot. to fulfill Her every desire and pleasure. i was net surfing and saw a statement that really stuck out to me

" its not the action but the attitude".

it made sense to me. even if i finished everything Mistress told me-if i did it with a bad attitude then it would be displeasing to Mistress because of my attitude. even when She isnt in the mood for training-She is still Mistress because of Her air of dominance.

She fulfills the masochist part of me by inflicting pain that brings me pleasure. She knows just what parts to hit at the most delicious times. when She is punishing me, the pain is unbearable but what hurts worst is Her being displeased with me.

i am eager for the children to begin back to school so W/we can have more quality Mistress/ submissive time. W/we are done with summer company and need to have alone time to do as Mistress wishes. lock the doors and connect with each other on that level. just a little over a week more and the kiddies will be gone most days :).

W/we are still planning to move but are now weighing the pros and cons on each place W/we are thinking to move to. with the beginning of school and....and....the holidays just a few months down the road W/we dont want to jump before really thinking about it. the final decision is Mistress's of course but She is asking my opinions on everything.

tonight i am cutting Mistress's hair and then W/we are secluding O/ourselves to O/our room. i am not sure what Mistress has in mind. i havent done anything to cause an infraction so i am pretty sure i am not going to be punished.

will let You know if there is anything to share from tonight.

moving update

2008-08-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

Mistress let me know today that when W/we move it will be out of this area. W/we are soo through with living here. O/our middle child is practically out of the house and will be staying with her bff until she turns 18 in the spring and able to get her own place. Mistress had me call the close friend i visited last month and ask her about availability and rental prices. W/we were happy to find out that my friends's sister has a big bedroom for rent in her huge house. i have known her sister also since we were tweens and she knows of Mistress and my M/s lifestyle. she is charging next to nothing & W/we could put our stuff into temperature regulated storage until W/we find a place of our own. W/we will be moving out of state but still be close enough to make weekend trips back here to visit O/our friends that live here. the area is gay & bdsm friendly and alooot more economical.

as for other things....the swelling in Mistress's ankle is down. She is done wearing the boot and She saved all the velcro for future use in making Her own bondage inventions. Her and i were looking at new toys on the web and checked out the ad for "wooden" dildos. although they were interesting to look at-Mistress assured me that they didnt appeal to Her. i would be too worried about slivers getting into my pussy to relax enough to enjoy them.

Mistress showed her appreciation for all that i did when She was off her feet by allowing me extra toytime. i passed as i am still recovering from the flu.

only a couple more weeks until school starts so W/we will have more quality bdsm time. i miss having that quality time with Mistress. it seems lately anytime W/we set aside a time for it-something or someone throws a wrench into the plans-unless its time for punishment which Mistress delivers at Her discretion come hell or high water.

it will be at least a month or so until W/we are able to get on out of here. i will keep you posted.

down time....a meme

2008-08-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

well-Mistress and i have had one of those weeks where the only luck W/we have had is bad luck. Mistress sprained Her ankle tripping over O/our new puppy in the middle of the night. She has to stay off of it as much as possible. while walking the dogs yesterday-i got stung by a bee. luckily i was able to pull up my pj pant leg before the bee could fully inject its stinger. Mistress immediately looked to see if the stinger was in me and it wasnt. i am deathly allergic to bees-as is Mistress. i only do the epi-pen when absolutely necessary because i hate the side effects. i iced my leg all day and kept it elevated. today i woke up with a sore throat and Mistress isnt feeling too hot either. W/we have been having down time watching movies and W/we have become addicted to hidden object games. i saw this meme on another submissive's blog and thought it would be fun to do it myself. so here it goes.....

Only two rules: You must answer yes or no. You may not explain unless someone asks.

Taken a picture naked? yes

made money illegally? yes

Had a one night stand? yes

Been in a fist fight? yes

Slept with your best friend? no

Had sex in a public place? yes

Ditched work to have sex? yes

Slept with a member of the same sex? yes

Seen someone die? yes

Ran from the police? yes

Woke up somewhere and not remember how you got there? yes

Worn your partners unmentionables? yes

Fallen asleep at work? yes

Used toys in the bedroom? yes

Ran a red light? yes

Been fired? no

Been in a car accident? yes

Pole danced or done a striptease? no

Loved someone you shouldn’t? no

Sang karaoke? yes

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? no

Laughed so hard you peed your pants? yes

Caught someone having sex? yes

Kissed a perfect stranger? no

Shaved your partner? yes

Given your private parts a nickname? yes

Ever gone in public without underwear? yes

Had sex on a roof top? yes

Played chicken? yes

Mooned/flashed someone? yes

Do you sleep naked? yes

Blacked out from drinking? no

Felt like killing someone? yes

Had sex more than 5 times in one day? yes

Been with someone because they were in a band? no

Taken 10 shots of liquor in a day? no

Shot a gun? yes

Gone outside naked? yes

back to "normal"

2008-08-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

after a couple days of talking about what went wrong-Mistress and i are now chalking it up to experience and moving on with what W/we learned from it. it wasnt soo much the physical aspect of what was going on. something about Mistress punching my arm triggered terror in me-terror i havent felt since my early childhood. my early childhood was very abusive and a big part of why i want to get my degree to work with disturbed children. luckily for me i was rescued from that hell and got intensive therapy for all that i had experienced and witnessed.
anyhow...Mistress was very concerned about retraumatizing me and was scared to physically punish me or even cause me pain (which i love) during play. it took U/us talking over the weekend for Her to realize that i dont view Her as abusive at all nor would i ever view Her as that. W/we are now back to normal- "O/our normal". on sunday night She caught me reading without my glasses-an infraction-so i was restricted from the computer,my cell, the phone and watching what i wanted on the tv all day monday.i also had to wear Mistress's leather jacket while W/we ran errands-the scent of leather makes me very horny and wet. Mistress forbid me to have toy time and She went everywhere with me to make sure i wasnt touching myself erotically.
i caught up on my reading after failing to be entertained by the sci-fi movie that Mistress was watching. i was going through computer withdrawals and was on edge from being so horny without release. Mistress made it worse by teasing my nipples and clit and then stopping right at the point i was going to orgasm several times.the last time i thought She was going to let me cum but right when i was going to ask permission to cum~She stopped and smiled Her wicked grin at me. i made a frustrated grunt and Mistress corrected my attitude by then inflicting massive pain on my breasts,nipples and ass.
i have added some things to the sidebar of my blog. the dragon represents Mistress and the fairy represents me. i have also added a daily fractal. i love fractals and cant help but staring at them. i am going through all of the gadgets and seeing which ones look interesting to add. my blog is a due process and always under construction.

discovery of a hard limit

2008-08-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

Mistress was proceeding to punish me. She used the cherry switch to whip my back, ass and legs. She hit harder with every lash and left many welts. My skin was screaming "NO" but i kept silent and dare not move away for fear of making the punishment worse. Mistress grabbed for a breast and didnt get a good grip-for some insane reason i smirked ~ which made Her grab at it harder and twist it while pinching. my eyes bulged out from the pain but i kept silent and gave Her my look of submission of looking into Her eyes and then looking down. She let go of that breast. i thought the breast torture was done but then She grabbed my nipple and twisted it so hard i thought it was going to tear off. She whipped me some more and did some more breast torture. the punishment hurt like hell~what brought it to a screeching halt for now is She was punching my legs and arms. at first it hurt and i kept quiet-then She punched my arm a little harder which wasnt really hard-however something about the last punch scared the shit out of me. a wave of terror swept over me and i just burst out crying and had to get away. i wasnt scared that Mistress would ever abuse me-NO WAY- i just felt a sudden urge to fight or flight. i am definitely not going to ever strike Mistress so i ran into our bathroom crying. Mistress was confused and i was screaming that i was scared and i didnt want Her to punch me like that ever again. after awhile i calmed down and Mistress and i are taking this afternoon off to do Dom/sub aftercare and communicate on my reaction. punching is now a hard limit. i told Mistress i know She would never abuse me and that i still trust Her. this is the first time i have ever had a reaction like this. i am feeling bad for not controlling my emotions better. Mistress says She understands and there is no need to keep explaining myself. the worst part is how i screamed at Mistress and made it seem She had done something abusive.
has anyone else had a similar reaction with their dom/me. any feedback is appreciated.

another quiz

2008-08-12T16:21:00.000-07:00

a friend sent this quiz to me and i thought i would share my results and the link.

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-bondage-test

Story of O yeah!
You scored 80 Knowledge and 100 Interest!
You are deeply interested in every aspect of bondage and know quite a bit about it. You love to experiment with various bindings, positions and how much you can move during each one. Not only that, but you know quite a bit about bondage and would be a safe partner to play with. You probably frequently wear some item that declares your interest, even if it is meaningful only to yourself.

sorry such a short post-tonight is family night and we are watching movies with the children.

busy,busy,busy

2008-08-10T09:04:00.000-07:00

this morning i realized i hadnt blogged in a few days. my punishment is over for now...it has been post-poned. W/we have had company all week and now have grand-children over this following week. Mistress is not letting me forget my place and gives me a look on occasion to let me know that even though She isnt currently punishing me~She hasnt forgotten that i have a punishment coming. i have been doing my best to do all i can to make up to Her the fact that i was a smartass and disrespected Her. She also pinches my breasts and nipples when we have our sporadic moments alone to also remind me of that. i tend to let things (from the stress of other people's bullsh!t) build and vent but that is no excuse for talking to Her the way that i did. i am working on other ways of dealing with that stress than taking it out on Her.

Mistress and i have started our profiles on fetlife. not too sure what i think of it so far. i have joined a couple groups and post when i have something to add. i have had a few dom's contact me but i just delete the messages. they apparently are unable to read since my profile clearly states that i wont correspond with any dom's without Mistress's consent. funny that they are able to write to me but havent written Mistress.

Mistress and i have been busy going through things to get them packed so when W/we do find a place to move-most of the work is done. it is amazing how much stuff W/we have accumulated in the time that W/we have been here. i am a self-admitted pack rat~Mistress put Her foot down and so the things i dont need have been thrown away. She has also let me know that when W/we move She has plans to make it so i can be punished wether W/we have company or not. Mistress is very inventive so i am imagining She is going to maybe soundproof a room that She has the only key to. She invents Her own things to punish me with and She wants to either have or build a workshed for more privacy to make such things. W/we will also probably be taking another run to our favorite adult store for things to reward me with. i have been hearing alot of good things about the hitachi wand and i am eager to try it out.

has anyone tried out the hitachi and care to leave me a comment on if it lives up to its reputation?

which is worse......

2008-08-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

the waiting for the punishment or the punishment itself? Mistress had me off the internet last night and i was exiled to a small corner of the bed to sleep on which wasnt very comfortable. today i was required to do all the household duties i hate the most on my hands and knees. i thought that was the end of my punishment but Mistress began whipping me with a leash and pinching my breasts and nipples really hard. i am not permitted to utter a sound during punishments but i was yelping in pain inside my head. with every lash i felt like my back and ass were on fire. when She squeezed my breasts i thought they were going to fall off. my nipples went numb from all the pain she inflicted on them. Mistress was interrupted by company knocking on the door. it is hot today but She told me to wear a shirt and pants to cover the marks She inflicted. i had to sit so my back didnt touch any furniture. when company left She let me know that the punishment wasnt over and She had plans. She brought out out the restraints i hate because they dont allow me any leeway to move when i am in them. She told me She is going to teach me to not be a smartass to Her. She again pinched and twisted my breast really hard and refused to let go for awhile. She also told me that a new rule is when i ask if the punishment is over-i will be punished for asking. She is watching a program on her laptop and She gave me permission to get on mine. i am on pins and needles wondering when my punishment will commence. i know its going to hurt like hell and not a good hurt. i can still feel the welts on my back and my breasts and nipples are all bruised up. i havent had the oppurtunity to see if the anal toys have been moved. She knows i hate Her to use them on me without lube. it is not a hard limit-just something i dont enjoy. i wish i could figure out what possesses me sometimes to be a smartass and disrespect Mistress.

going to be punished.........

2008-08-05T20:52:00.000-07:00

what is wrong with me? i snapped at Mistress today and i am now isolated in my room. She refuses to talk to me after She sent me in here. She refuses to tell me how She is going to punish me later.

well...She just came in and said to get off the net & turn my laptop off.

Zip-ties

2008-08-04T11:48:00.000-07:00

when W/we went camping last month Mistress bought zip-ties in bulk for U/us to take & use if necessary. it wasnt until this past weekend that i noticed they were sitting on top of one of O/our bookshelves in O/our room. why they caught my attention was everything else W/we had taken with U/us camping was put back into O/our storage closet right after W/we returned from camping. Mistress is now looking at them and then looking at me. the thought of Her using them on me really has my juices flowing. i wrote to her on an erotic dream i had about them. Her cousin is visiting us so they will have to wait. Mistress knows i am titilated and my libido is soaring. yesterday in the moments W/we had alone She would flick and tease my nipples and in bed this morning She was teasing my clit while pulling my hair. she didnt allow me to touch myself and hasnt granted me permission to have toy time. i am aching for release but will wait for Her permission.

lesson learnt

2008-08-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

yesterday was better. when i woke up i was still feeling down by not only displeasing Mistress but by also Her having to punish me the way She did to get my head out of my ass.

when She first hit my ass with the broom i looked at Her and knew it was time for me to be punished. i stood still as she hit my ass hard and didnt utter anything. i knew i was in the wrong and the pain was anything but erotic. she then flicked and swatted at my nipples and i bit my lip to remain quiet. W/we were outside in the rain and my nipples were rock hard from the cold. the pain She was inflicting on them sent lightning bolts of searing pain all throughout my tits and down into my toes. my mind was screaming "RED" but i knew not to say it or the punishment would be worse. Mistress was displeased with me and She had every right to be. when She was done i looked at Her and the look of disappointment on Her face hit me harder than my punishment. i cursed at myself in my head for taking my bad attitude out on Her. i gave Her space as She showered and watched Her movie. She didnt really say too much to me but She showed me the switch to let me know that if i continued i would get a worse punishment. Mistress has a way of making things that feel soo good during Her rewarding me feel like hell on earth when i have displeased Her.

She let me sleep in the bed with Her and after O/our following morning routine She rewarded me with the cherry switch for not letting the pain & bruises from my punishment get in the way of my duties. when i was being switched my whole body got warm-starting from my nipples and pussy on out. i feel so connected to Mistress when She is rewarding me. She left quiet a few welts on my back and ass.i love it when She leaves marks on me. they remind me of my gift of submission to my soulmate. it felt good that all was forgiven.

W/we ran errands in the late morning to early afternoon. W/we went to dinner and a movie with friends. W/we saw the new movie "x-files:i want to believe". i wont give away what happens but the suspension was making me fidgety and Mistress warned me to sit still or i would sit elsewhere by myself as punishment. W/we came home and had a quiet evening with the children. i have resolved to myself to be more careful in the future to check my attitude when it comes to Mistress. She admires the fact that i speak my mind but what i did was beyond that. i hope that this will be one of a few posts about punishments. *keeping fingers crossed*

punishment

2008-07-31T20:43:00.000-07:00

today was not such a good day. blame it on pms, the heat or maybe its a full moon-i woke up in a foul mood today. my patience was very thin and i was a bit short with adults today-including Mistress. i failed to heed Her looks and as punishment i had to help Her do alot of the outside work. i hate working outside cleaning up animal waste and clearing out spiderwebs. i was acting up again so She proceeded to hit me in the ass hard with a broom and flick my nipples really hard. i am not allowed safewords during punishments so i just stood there until She was done. my punishment hurt like hell but it hurt worse knowing i had displeased Mistress. i helped Her shower and showered after She gave me permission. when i was drying off in our room She showed me the cherry switch and gave me a look that enough was enough. She then started watching a movie which indicated to me that my punishment is in the past but i needed to leave Her alone.

She is letting me sleep in the bed tonight so i am out of trouble.

do any other subs just have bad days without explanation?

i have turned off comment moderation so feel free to answer.

Back from trip.....back to training

2008-07-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

i really enjoyed visiting my friend, we talked, we shopped, we took the children on outings. on about the 2nd day i was homesick for Mistress. W/we chatted on the phone several times a day and it seemed like forever on the train trip home. i felt a part of me was missing being that i kept my submissive identity at home.

once i did return home i immediately felt at ease getting back to my duties. Mistress rewarded me by making me wait for what i needed-some training. i thought She was falling asleep but She grabbed a hold of my hair, started pinching things & had Her way with me. i slept like a baby that night.:) thank you Mistress.

Earlier today She picked some cherries and unbeknownst to me She also picked out a cherry tree switch that She used on me earlier in semi-public and it is now in Her backpack for Her to use later on me whenever She wishes too. She has a talent for picking out just the right things for my training and making me wait until the most effective moment. i have a few welts on my ass from earlier and i like how they feel and look. yes, i am truly a masochist.

missing Mistress already

2008-07-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

i leave for my friends house the day after tomorrow. i know i am going to have fun but i am really going to miss Mistress. i will be calling Mistress a few times a day to tell Her what i am up to but it wont be the same as being with Her. She knows my friend and my friend's husband really well so She has no problem with me visiting them without Her. i actually had to pack my pajamas so i have something to wear to sleep in while i am there.

i have been doing laundry all today while also cleaning the house. Mistress was having issues with Her new laptop so i fixed it when She was napping. i have also been on the last leg of quitting smoking. Mistress has quit with the help of medications. i didnt smoke nearly as much as She did but the hardest is quitting my wake-up cigarette that i have with my morning cup of strong coffee. if i dont have both after my morning shower then its real hard for me to get going with my daily duties. Mistress refuses to buy me anymore cigarettes but She did buy me those nicotine lozenges and they take the edge off.

the weather has been so muggy and W/we have been so busy with other things that W/we havent had much time for scenes or discipline. i do miss it but its up to Mistress's discretion when W/we do anything.

i may blog tomorrow night before i leave. there wont be much to share. tomorrow W/we are sleeping in and just taking it easy all day watching movies and reading. Mistress cooked Her tuna casserole tonight and since She made alot of it, there is enough for leftovers for tomorrows dinner.

i am going to miss you Mistress :(

sooo thankful to Mistress

2008-07-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

Mistress is soo thoughtful of me. i was allowed to get a new wardrobe for my trip next week to see one of my longest bff's. Thank you Mistress :) i love you soo much and am soo fortunate to have you as my Mistress & wife.

Mistress insists on staying home to tend to the animals. my friend and i have known each other since i was 10~she knows of Mistress and my m/s dynamic. my friend is vanilla but we have always accepted each other as is. i am going to be gone all next week but will call Mistress to tell her what i am up to throughout the day. today i have been doing a really deep cleaning of O/our place so Mistress can let most things go until i get back.

Mistress & i have also decided W/we want to live out in the country. W/we have had enough of no privacy in the city. W/we are looking at a few places and are looking for a big enough place for family & for O/our fun.

i have also been learning how to do more things with this blog. there have been plenty of times i have screamed at the pc cause i have buggered it up somehow. from the numbers of the visitor ticker~i know plenty of people are reading it & i want to thank you. you are all welcome to comment on anything i write-good or bad. i just had to put in comment moderation because of a couple comments that i deemed inappropriate and would really offend other people in the lifestyle.

i will be gone the 21st-26th and will write all about my trip when i return. i also hope to catch up on reading my fave blogs that i have listed in the sidebar. i am always open to reading other blogs so if you have one-feel free to comment and leave me a link. W/we do have children & O/our grandchildren are over on occasion~so if your blog contains explicit pics, they will be viewed after bedtime.

puppy's rules

2008-07-16T08:36:00.000-07:00

I decided to just blog my rules for now. I will link them later if the need arises.

puppy's rules:

i submit to my Mistress . i desire to serve and please Her by doing so.

if i displease my Mistress She will tell me and explain how i displeased her & give me punishment at her discretion.

i will always show respect for my Mistress.

i am allowed access to my laptop & the internet. i am allowed to have contact with any other submissives but not any other dom/me's unless given specific permission by Mistress.

i am allowed to remain in contact with my family, friends,etc.. If i am to go visit any of them i am to tell Mistress with proper notice so my other duties can be rearranged if need be.

When not with my Mistress i am allowed to make independent decisions with her rules in mind. if i am unsure i will contact Mistress immediately for her final decision.

when we are alone i will always address my Mistress as "Mistress". When we are around children, in public or around vanilla family/friends i will address her with an affectionate term or her name.

i am permitted to watch the television or DVDs with my Mistress.

my money is mine to keep and after helping to pay bills, i can buy what i want unless it is a major purchase, then i am to have Mistress's input.

it is my responsibility to discuss anything that may become an issue with Mistress. i am responsible for my words,feelings and actions.

it is my duty to make sure Mistress always has a cool bottled beverage next to her.

it is my duty to take off Mistress's shoes & socks at night.

it is my duty to clip her toenails when the need arises.

i am not to diddle dawdle or procastinate

i am responsible for the housework, laundry & majority of the cooking. Mistress will decide when she desires to cook and will inform me so i know not to prep anything else for dinner. Mistress will take care of any of the handywork around the house & i am responsible to help her when needed.

i am to prioritize my daily activities under the following triage. children/grandchildren first then our pets needs then kitchen and bathrooms then rest of the chores.

dinner is at 6pm. all of my other chores will be done by the time it is to make dinner.

laundry is to be done on saturdays.

i am to sleep totally nude and in a way that does not inhibit Mistress's access to me. i am allowed to wear appropriate pajamas in the winter to keep me warm.

i am not to disturb Mistress when she is sleeping unless vital emergency.

when i am on my cycle i am to inform Mistress so she knows that part of me is not accessible at that time.

i will make eye contact with my Mistress when speaking or when my Mistress speaks to me.

i am to always sit or lay down near Mistress or be within calling range. when walking down the street i am to walk on the insided path away from the curb with Mistress on the outside.

my entire sexual being now belongs to my Mistress.

i must never reach orgasm without explicit permission from my Mistress.

i must never touch my erotic parts in a sexual way without permission from my Mistress.

i can use my safewords during a scene but not during punishment.

at home i am to keep the bathroom door open when i am in there.

i am to keep my underarms, legs and pussy shaved.

i am to shower at least once a day (i shower at least 2x a day :) ) i am to wash my hair every other day or when needed during the heat. i am to use only the soaps and shampoo/conditioners that Mistress has helped me to pick out.

i am to wait outside the bathroom door when Mistress is showering & wait for her to call me so i can wash her back.

Irritated

2008-07-14T08:54:00.000-07:00

Mistress is all better & last night while she was playing her computer game I was allowed to catch up on blog reading. I was curious to see how many other blogs there were of lesbian submissives. I found a couple but the rest that was googled all had to deal with porn made by and for men. I am not a prude by any standards. I am just irritated at the ignorant concept that sex is the only element in lesbian d/s relationships. Mistress and I do have sex but our d/s dynamic is much more than that. We are, by our understanding, married and raising children & enjoying grandchildren. We have planned on spending the rest of our lives together. Mistress told me that it doesnt matter what society's prejudices are-we are who we are and society can shove their ignorance up their asses. I know she is right but it still gets under my skin that people think of lesbians only in a pornographic way that is only pleasing to men. Just to educate~true lesbians dont act like what is portrayed in porn. Mistress and I will watch some online every now & then for a good laugh.

On a brighter note Mistress rewarded me last night for being so good when she was sick and for not diddle dawdling when we went for a walk yesterday. She was also talking about possibly putting a hook into our bedroom's ceiling to suspend me upside down in restraints so she could have full access to my tits to do her "rocky" routine with. What the rocky routine is she using my tits as punching bags~the small punching bags boxers use by punching real fast in a rhythm with their fists circling over one another while punching. The feeling is delicious and I love the marks it leaves :)

I have pondered blogging my rules and I have decided to. It will just have to wait for a later post or I may link it.

Mistress & the flu

2008-07-13T06:28:00.000-07:00

Mistress was feeling worse yesterday. I spent most of the day at her side. I made the juice that she likes and kept the rag on her forehead moist and cool. I wanted to make some home-made soup but she said her stomache couldnt handle any food. Hopefully she is feeling up to food today. I hate seeing her sick like this. She is the type that never gets sick while I get sick just talking to someone sick on the phone.

She rewarded me to show her appreciation for waiting on her hand & foot. When we retired to bed I took all my clothes off as usual & laid down next to her. She rolled over & started to pinch things. I told her she didnt have to because she was ill. She said she wanted to. I felt so grateful and appreciated that she thought of me soo much to reward me even when she is sick. Afterwards we snuggled and I instantly fell asleep. I tend to get sleepy after a scene-after the endorphins rush through my body I get very relaxed and will sleep like a baby.

Mistress is sleeping in as much as she can. The children know to stay quiet and we take care of the animals so they dont go into our bedroom. We were given 2 baby iguanas yesterday that are rescue animals. Mistress loves reptiles. We also have a 7' python snake but he resides at our son's house. All together at our house we have 4 cats, 3 dogs, 3 ferrets & now 2 iguanas. Most of them are rescue animals. We are finding good homes for 3 of the cats. The house we are looking to move to allows no inside cats. The owner just renovated it and wants to keep it looking new for as long as possible. We have found a good home but the problem is its out of state (5 hour drive) and our truck is broke down at the moment. Our oldest daughter is asking one of her bff's if she could drive us down there with the cats provided we give her the gas money. Well-need to walk the dogs.

Was I born to be a submissive?

2008-07-11T15:23:00.000-07:00

Mistress still isnt feeling well. She is running a low fever and needs rest to feel better. Last night while watching a movie with her, I was thinking on if I was born to be a submissive or did it come about from my life experiences.

In my childhood I was always a caretaker. I was independent but also felt the need to give to others. I also had a high pain threshold and being an early bloomer, I was sexually precocious. My first lover was a female friend & satisfying her gave me more pleasure than having my own orgasms. Her and I experimented with different things and I found out the smell and touch of leather makes me very horny & wet.

My first male lover was much older than me & was very patient in teaching me how to give blowjobs and fuck men. After I left home I met and fell in love with a man who was into light bondage and spanking me while we were fucking. He also had certain rules I had to abide by or I would be punished and forbidden to cum. He also introduced me to swinging and I loved fucking women for him to watch.

My first master was a man from Spain. I met him at a BDSM club and he was whipping one of his slaves. The sight of it instantly turned me on and I was envious of the slave who was getting whipped. Him and I talked for awhile and I was awed by his aura of power and confident assertivenes. We exchanged phone numbers and for the next few weeks we chatted on a nightly basis. I inquired on if he would think about training me. He said we would meet the next day for lunch and then go to his house for my first scene. His house was huge but I was most impressed by the dungeon he had set up in his basement. We talked about what things were off limits to me and what things I was interested in. He then ordered me to disrobe and fold my clothes and put them on the stool I was sitting on. I was in such a hurry that I didnt really fold the clothing the best I could. He swatted my ass with his open hand and said "Fold them again-and do it right this time". I obliged. He then put handcuffs on my wrists and then chained me to a hook on the wall and told me to spread my legs. He put a blindfold & gag on me. He then put a rock in my hand and put a metal bowl under that hand on the floor. He said that if I wanted him to stop at anytime, to drop the rock in the bowl and he would stop immediately. I heard him step away from me and then I heard nothing. It seemed like forever until I felt a flogger being caressed down my back and into my ass and teasing my pussy. My pussy was getting moist and my nipples were starting to get hard. I then felt the flogger leave my skin and then felt it slap against my back. It hurt soo good and just made me more turned on. I moved my body to be closer to him while he was flogging me. The more he flogged me, the more pain I felt and the more horny I became. I then felt his breath close to my ear and he said that he was going to next leave marks on me. He left again and right after I smelled his cologne again, I felt a slash across my back. I realized he was using a whip on me. It felt alot better than the flogger and my head was getting an euphoric rush from the pain. As the pain grew more intense-the glow behind my eyes was getting brighter. I became unaware of the physical world around me and felt like I was floating on clouds. I was on the clouds for a bit and then I became aware of his arm around me while with the other hand he was taking me off of the wall. He kept the blindfold and gag on and led me further into his dungeon. I heard him unlock a door and he took me into a room and told me to sit. When I sat I realized I was on a bed. He then took off the blindfold and gag. He turned me onto my stomache and hooked my handcuffed hands to a hook on the headboard of the bed.

He raised me onto my knees and proceeded to fuck me doggystyle. Being fucked after all the glorious pain was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. I felt myself ready to cum, he realized it too and said "Don't cum until I say so slave". He fucked me for what seemed like an eternity and I needed to cum real bad. He then said "Cum now,right now slave". I came really hard in multiple orgasms and felt him cumming. He then unhooked my hands and told me to lick our juices off of his cock. I obliged. He then had me look into the full length mirror at my back and ass. They were both full of slash marks. I liked the look of them and thanked master. He then had me lay down on my stomache on the bed and he proceeded to rub ointment onto my slashes.

I was his slave for 3 years. I have children and he wasnt into having children in his house so it wasnt a 24/7 arrangement. On the weekends that the children were gone at relatives or friends, I would stay at his house and have a 24/7 weekend. Unfortunately his father passed away after a long illness and he went back to Spain to take care of his mother (he is their oldest son).

After him I have been searching for another dom. When I met my wife, she had never been involved with m/s as much as I have. I just sensed in her that she would be the perfect domme for me. We talked about it and are now in a 24/7 m/s relationship.

After thinking about it while writing this entry-I believe my being a submissive is a result of both by nature & nurture. What do you think?

BDSM quiz

2008-07-10T18:04:00.000-07:00

Mistress isnt feeling well today so while she is napping-I took a quiz I found on another submissive's blog.

Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Submissive

(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.)))
It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominant person wouldn't be a bad idea.

Submissive

100%

Masochist

86%

Degradation Lover

79%

Bondage

71%

Experimental

64%

Exhibitionist / Voyeur

39%

Switch

29%

Sadist

29%

Vanilla

18%

Dominant

The results arent suprising. I am submissive, a masochist, into being degraded (only by Mistress) and I love bondage with Mistress.

Feeling out of sorts

2008-07-09T15:50:00.000-07:00

I am not to sure if its the heat or the crowds of people due to the recent holiday or the fact that we have decided to move again, but I have been feeling blase' and out of sorts for the past couple of days. It has nothing to do with Mistress or anyone in my life. I just feel ungrounded. I hate moving but we need to. The new owners refuse to fix things and while letting people party and fight until all hours-they bicker about our dogs. Once when I was walking the dogs, a drunk man approached me and began to touch me. I kept putting my hand up and backing away. Our oldest dog got in between us and bared her teeth and growled at him. He got the hint and left me alone. The rule now is I never walk the dogs without my cell phone or after dark. Mistress and I have been talking about getting a house out in the country with alot of land for all of the animals we want and for our children/grandchildren to play around without having to worry about annoying neighbors. I can also plant a vegetable garden while also planting as many flowers as I want and where I want. Mistress can have a huge tool shed to fix things in and all the land she wants to build things on.

I didnt realize how much I missed the country until we went camping. The country is so peaceful. We had to walk a mile down to the beach. The heat was too much for Mistress so she sat in the shade while I played in the sand and waded around in the ocean. I must have been a sea creature in a past life. Nothing rejuvenates me like the ocean. We gathered sand dollars and watched people dislodge their boat that got stuck in the sand at low tide. I was feeling a little too

full of myself later on but Mistress reminded me that even though we were on vacation, she was

still in charge. I didnt even realize I had crossed a rule until she corrected me. Then I was like "oh my god, where did that come from". She had a good hold of my hair and said "why are you being a smart-ass". I had to rethink what and how I said what I said and realized I was being a smart-ass. I apologized and she let go.

The next night I had gotten too much smoke while cooking in the fire. It gave me a terrible headache which made me grumpy and wheeze. Mistress gave me leniency due to my not feeling good and we went to lay down for a bit for my lungs & head to clear. Mistress is so good to me when I dont feel good. Other dom's may not approve but when I am really sick, she makes me homemade soups, teas and makes sure I keep up on taking the meds that I need.

On the final day, we had to hike about half a mile back to catch our ride. It was hot & humid and the cart I was using was falling apart. Mistress told me at the halfway point that if I made it to the end in her time limit, I would get a reward. I hauled ass down that trail and I was rewarded later on :).

Mistress has also given me the laptop she just bought last year. She is getting another model that works better for what she does. The laptop I am getting is perfect for my computer needs. I am now on a desktop that I share with our children so blogging as much as I would like to is not practical.

until next time,

playtoy's puppy

Welcome to my Blog!!!

2008-07-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

Hello there & welcome to my blog. I am a lesbian submissive and I am using this blog to write & share my thoughts,feelings & opinions of being in a 24/7 d/s relationship with my Mistress. She knows I am doing this and has set certain restrictions on me of what I can and can not share.

Our personal information will never be revealed nor will personal pics. We will never send anyone pics either. I will also not share certain details of our relationship and intimate moments.

I will blog as time allows. We lead very busy lives. We just got back from an extended vacation and we are both exhausted. We enjoyed ourselves and are now settling back in to our normal routine.

I was a submissive about a decade ago until my master had to move back to Spain. My next master really crossed alot of my boundaries, became abusive and so it has taken me 10 years to find someone I trust enough to be my dom. I have always considered myself lesbian bi-what I mean by that is some men do attract me but I have always preferred women. Mistress is the first woman to ever be my domme. We have been together for a few years and talk about everything.

One thing I must say though is our d/s relationship may not be like other d/s relationships. As in all relationships, different things work for different people. I refuse to live up to anyone standard's but Mistress's.

Until next time,

playtoy's puppy