more training

sorry that i havent posted in almost a week. Mistress and i have been real busy with many things and more training. W/we went to the home improvement store where Mistress was able to get the prices on Her projects. She also picked out some eye bolts & chains and gave me a look to let me know that those are for what She has in store for me. She also has a cage/crate She has told me i will be kept in as punishment for minor infractions.

the next day W/we were running errands and i got a bit mouthy. O/our truck is broken down so W/we were using public transit. to teach me to keep my mouth quiet She pinched my nipples really hard and gave me a look to act normal. i was sitting by the window and She was sitting by the aisle so no one could see what She was doing under O/our bags. i knew better than to say anything but the hardest part was not making any faces to give away that She was torturing my nipples. when W/we got home i cut Her hair. W/we were taking a shower when She got that look in Her eye. She began to tease my breast & nipples. my clit got really hard and i told Her so. She then put the shower on pulsate and pulled the shower head & put it right on my clit. i instictly went to move away and She said "DON"T" & tweaked my nipple. She moved around the shower head until i thought i was going to cum. my hands were behind my back. i looked at Her for permission for release and She had a smirk on Her face. She pulled the shower head away and then put it back again to bring me to the brink of cumming. She did this a few more times but refused to let me cum. She turned the shower head back to spray and started spraying down my face. i held my breath until i thought i couldnt hold it no more and She would pull it away so i could breath. She had the water on very warm but when She got out to let me shower-she turned it down to just above cold. i showered with the curtain half open while She dried off so She could watch me with hardened nipples from the cool water. to make things colder She opened up the door & the draft made my nipples that much harder. She left me to finish and when i went to O/our room to dress-i was disappointed to not find Her there. i found Her outside and She refused to allow me toytime or to finish fucking me. She did have me go into the house where W/we did some improvised needle play with skewers. She didnt break the skin as i knew She wouldnt. She still pressed real hard~it hurt but not enough for me to use the safeword. She knows i trust Her. the next morning W/we went outside in the cold and engaged in more nipple play. Mistress loves it when my nipples are hard so She can flick them and squeeze them to make my pussy wet. She was doing such a good job i thought i was going to cum. She sensed it and stopped. i am still on orgasm restriction and i am not allowed to touch myself erotically.

i forgot to put my glasses on while reading again so i was internet restricted for a day.

the next day W/we received a new bed from some good friends. they had bought it for their spare room in their previous house. they moved into a smaller place so they gave U/us the bed that was only slept on a couple times. Mistress and i love it and bought satin sheets for it. i can't wait to break the bed in but O/our main priority right now is keeping the house quiet so the children can rest up for their first day of school.

that pretty much was O/our week.

discussions...

today Mistress and i ran a few errands and made it home before it began to downpour again. i think this area has seen the last of summer. anyhow...Her and i were talking again on safety words. Mistress wants to do more training with a mouth gag and bondage. She came up with the idea that when i am gagged if i need Her to stop right away~i will tap 3 times. when She wants to check on me She will say my name 3 times and if i don't acknowledge Her She will cease immediately. We practiced some today when the kiddies were on the other side of the house. Mistress had me in strange positions and She would instruct me on when to tap out and i did. Mistress has it in Her head that i am more limber than what i am. i mentioned to Her afterwords that i am a submissive lesbian~not a submissive contortionist. She had me in one position that i felt my heel was going to touch the back of my head. i know that would never happen but thats what it felt like.

Mistress has been also anxious for school to start. we already have the kids back on their school sleep schedules. all that needs to happen is for the first day to get here and i have a feeling Mistress is going to make up for lost time so i may not be able to blog for a few days while we celebrate our privacy :)

this weather sucks. the lack of sun really affects my energy. Mistress and i are going to a home repair store tomorrow to look for supplies for Her many projects and i am going to check out full spectrum bulbs. i read that they really work by simulating sun light which will help with us feeling soo blah. they are also really good for houseplants which i am getting once we get moved. i am not really sure what project Mistress is working on now but She said She wants to complete it asap.

oh-i did have someone message me on fetlife who asked why i hadnt posted any personal pics. Mistress restricts me from doing so. Her rule is i am only for Her to look at~end of discussion. i am "Her puppy", "Her girl", "Her wife",etc.......

submissive~service & masochist

i am feeling better now and getting back into my full routine. i felt bad earlier today because i had let a couple of my duties go to the wayside when i was sick. Mistress doesnt like me to stress but it was hard. i felt panicky because i was worried that i wasnt being "submissive" enough. being a submissive is more than just enjoying kinky hot monkey sex. i live to submit to Mistress's will. i live to wait on Her hand & foot. to fulfill Her every desire and pleasure. i was net surfing and saw a statement that really stuck out to me

" its not the action but the attitude".

it made sense to me. even if i finished everything Mistress told me-if i did it with a bad attitude then it would be displeasing to Mistress because of my attitude. even when She isnt in the mood for training-She is still Mistress because of Her air of dominance.

She fulfills the masochist part of me by inflicting pain that brings me pleasure. She knows just what parts to hit at the most delicious times. when She is punishing me, the pain is unbearable but what hurts worst is Her being displeased with me.

i am eager for the children to begin back to school so W/we can have more quality Mistress/ submissive time. W/we are done with summer company and need to have alone time to do as Mistress wishes. lock the doors and connect with each other on that level. just a little over a week more and the kiddies will be gone most days :).

W/we are still planning to move but are now weighing the pros and cons on each place W/we are thinking to move to. with the beginning of school and....and....the holidays just a few months down the road W/we dont want to jump before really thinking about it. the final decision is Mistress's of course but She is asking my opinions on everything.

tonight i am cutting Mistress's hair and then W/we are secluding O/ourselves to O/our room. i am not sure what Mistress has in mind. i havent done anything to cause an infraction so i am pretty sure i am not going to be punished.

will let You know if there is anything to share from tonight.

moving update

Mistress let me know today that when W/we move it will be out of this area. W/we are soo through with living here. O/our middle child is practically out of the house and will be staying with her bff until she turns 18 in the spring and able to get her own place. Mistress had me call the close friend i visited last month and ask her about availability and rental prices. W/we were happy to find out that my friends's sister has a big bedroom for rent in her huge house. i have known her sister also since we were tweens and she knows of Mistress and my M/s lifestyle. she is charging next to nothing & W/we could put our stuff into temperature regulated storage until W/we find a place of our own. W/we will be moving out of state but still be close enough to make weekend trips back here to visit O/our friends that live here. the area is gay & bdsm friendly and alooot more economical.

as for other things....the swelling in Mistress's ankle is down. She is done wearing the boot and She saved all the velcro for future use in making Her own bondage inventions. Her and i were looking at new toys on the web and checked out the ad for "wooden" dildos. although they were interesting to look at-Mistress assured me that they didnt appeal to Her. i would be too worried about slivers getting into my pussy to relax enough to enjoy them.

Mistress showed her appreciation for all that i did when She was off her feet by allowing me extra toytime. i passed as i am still recovering from the flu.

only a couple more weeks until school starts so W/we will have more quality bdsm time. i miss having that quality time with Mistress. it seems lately anytime W/we set aside a time for it-something or someone throws a wrench into the plans-unless its time for punishment which Mistress delivers at Her discretion come hell or high water.

it will be at least a month or so until W/we are able to get on out of here. i will keep you posted.

down time....a meme

well-Mistress and i have had one of those weeks where the only luck W/we have had is bad luck. Mistress sprained Her ankle tripping over O/our new puppy in the middle of the night. She has to stay off of it as much as possible. while walking the dogs yesterday-i got stung by a bee. luckily i was able to pull up my pj pant leg before the bee could fully inject its stinger. Mistress immediately looked to see if the stinger was in me and it wasnt. i am deathly allergic to bees-as is Mistress. i only do the epi-pen when absolutely necessary because i hate the side effects. i iced my leg all day and kept it elevated. today i woke up with a sore throat and Mistress isnt feeling too hot either. W/we have been having down time watching movies and W/we have become addicted to hidden object games. i saw this meme on another submissive's blog and thought it would be fun to do it myself. so here it goes.....

Only two rules: You must answer yes or no. You may not explain unless someone asks.

Taken a picture naked? yes

made money illegally? yes

Had a one night stand? yes

Been in a fist fight? yes

Slept with your best friend? no

Had sex in a public place? yes

Ditched work to have sex? yes

Slept with a member of the same sex? yes

Seen someone die? yes

Ran from the police? yes

Woke up somewhere and not remember how you got there? yes

Worn your partners unmentionables? yes

Fallen asleep at work? yes

Used toys in the bedroom? yes

Ran a red light? yes

Been fired? no

Been in a car accident? yes

Pole danced or done a striptease? no

Loved someone you shouldn’t? no

Sang karaoke? yes

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? no

Laughed so hard you peed your pants? yes

Caught someone having sex? yes

Kissed a perfect stranger? no

Shaved your partner? yes

Given your private parts a nickname? yes

Ever gone in public without underwear? yes

Had sex on a roof top? yes

Played chicken? yes

Mooned/flashed someone? yes

Do you sleep naked? yes

Blacked out from drinking? no

Felt like killing someone? yes

Had sex more than 5 times in one day? yes

Been with someone because they were in a band? no

Taken 10 shots of liquor in a day? no

Shot a gun? yes

Gone outside naked? yes

back to "normal"

after a couple days of talking about what went wrong-Mistress and i are now chalking it up to experience and moving on with what W/we learned from it. it wasnt soo much the physical aspect of what was going on. something about Mistress punching my arm triggered terror in me-terror i havent felt since my early childhood. my early childhood was very abusive and a big part of why i want to get my degree to work with disturbed children. luckily for me i was rescued from that hell and got intensive therapy for all that i had experienced and witnessed.
anyhow...Mistress was very concerned about retraumatizing me and was scared to physically punish me or even cause me pain (which i love) during play. it took U/us talking over the weekend for Her to realize that i dont view Her as abusive at all nor would i ever view Her as that. W/we are now back to normal- "O/our normal". on sunday night She caught me reading without my glasses-an infraction-so i was restricted from the computer,my cell, the phone and watching what i wanted on the tv all day monday.i also had to wear Mistress's leather jacket while W/we ran errands-the scent of leather makes me very horny and wet. Mistress forbid me to have toy time and She went everywhere with me to make sure i wasnt touching myself erotically.
i caught up on my reading after failing to be entertained by the sci-fi movie that Mistress was watching. i was going through computer withdrawals and was on edge from being so horny without release. Mistress made it worse by teasing my nipples and clit and then stopping right at the point i was going to orgasm several times.the last time i thought She was going to let me cum but right when i was going to ask permission to cum~She stopped and smiled Her wicked grin at me. i made a frustrated grunt and Mistress corrected my attitude by then inflicting massive pain on my breasts,nipples and ass.
i have added some things to the sidebar of my blog. the dragon represents Mistress and the fairy represents me. i have also added a daily fractal. i love fractals and cant help but staring at them. i am going through all of the gadgets and seeing which ones look interesting to add. my blog is a due process and always under construction.

discovery of a hard limit

Mistress was proceeding to punish me. She used the cherry switch to whip my back, ass and legs. She hit harder with every lash and left many welts. My skin was screaming "NO" but i kept silent and dare not move away for fear of making the punishment worse. Mistress grabbed for a breast and didnt get a good grip-for some insane reason i smirked ~ which made Her grab at it harder and twist it while pinching. my eyes bulged out from the pain but i kept silent and gave Her my look of submission of looking into Her eyes and then looking down. She let go of that breast. i thought the breast torture was done but then She grabbed my nipple and twisted it so hard i thought it was going to tear off. She whipped me some more and did some more breast torture. the punishment hurt like hell~what brought it to a screeching halt for now is She was punching my legs and arms. at first it hurt and i kept quiet-then She punched my arm a little harder which wasnt really hard-however something about the last punch scared the shit out of me. a wave of terror swept over me and i just burst out crying and had to get away. i wasnt scared that Mistress would ever abuse me-NO WAY- i just felt a sudden urge to fight or flight. i am definitely not going to ever strike Mistress so i ran into our bathroom crying. Mistress was confused and i was screaming that i was scared and i didnt want Her to punch me like that ever again. after awhile i calmed down and Mistress and i are taking this afternoon off to do Dom/sub aftercare and communicate on my reaction. punching is now a hard limit. i told Mistress i know She would never abuse me and that i still trust Her. this is the first time i have ever had a reaction like this. i am feeling bad for not controlling my emotions better. Mistress says She understands and there is no need to keep explaining myself. the worst part is how i screamed at Mistress and made it seem She had done something abusive.
has anyone else had a similar reaction with their dom/me. any feedback is appreciated.

another quiz

a friend sent this quiz to me and i thought i would share my results and the link.

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-bondage-test

Story of O yeah!
You scored 80 Knowledge and 100 Interest!
You are deeply interested in every aspect of bondage and know quite a bit about it. You love to experiment with various bindings, positions and how much you can move during each one. Not only that, but you know quite a bit about bondage and would be a safe partner to play with. You probably frequently wear some item that declares your interest, even if it is meaningful only to yourself.

sorry such a short post-tonight is family night and we are watching movies with the children.

busy,busy,busy

this morning i realized i hadnt blogged in a few days. my punishment is over for now...it has been post-poned. W/we have had company all week and now have grand-children over this following week. Mistress is not letting me forget my place and gives me a look on occasion to let me know that even though She isnt currently punishing me~She hasnt forgotten that i have a punishment coming. i have been doing my best to do all i can to make up to Her the fact that i was a smartass and disrespected Her. She also pinches my breasts and nipples when we have our sporadic moments alone to also remind me of that. i tend to let things (from the stress of other people's bullsh!t) build and vent but that is no excuse for talking to Her the way that i did. i am working on other ways of dealing with that stress than taking it out on Her.

Mistress and i have started our profiles on fetlife. not too sure what i think of it so far. i have joined a couple groups and post when i have something to add. i have had a few dom's contact me but i just delete the messages. they apparently are unable to read since my profile clearly states that i wont correspond with any dom's without Mistress's consent. funny that they are able to write to me but havent written Mistress.

Mistress and i have been busy going through things to get them packed so when W/we do find a place to move-most of the work is done. it is amazing how much stuff W/we have accumulated in the time that W/we have been here. i am a self-admitted pack rat~Mistress put Her foot down and so the things i dont need have been thrown away. She has also let me know that when W/we move She has plans to make it so i can be punished wether W/we have company or not. Mistress is very inventive so i am imagining She is going to maybe soundproof a room that She has the only key to. She invents Her own things to punish me with and She wants to either have or build a workshed for more privacy to make such things. W/we will also probably be taking another run to our favorite adult store for things to reward me with. i have been hearing alot of good things about the hitachi wand and i am eager to try it out.

has anyone tried out the hitachi and care to leave me a comment on if it lives up to its reputation?

which is worse......

the waiting for the punishment or the punishment itself? Mistress had me off the internet last night and i was exiled to a small corner of the bed to sleep on which wasnt very comfortable. today i was required to do all the household duties i hate the most on my hands and knees. i thought that was the end of my punishment but Mistress began whipping me with a leash and pinching my breasts and nipples really hard. i am not permitted to utter a sound during punishments but i was yelping in pain inside my head. with every lash i felt like my back and ass were on fire. when She squeezed my breasts i thought they were going to fall off. my nipples went numb from all the pain she inflicted on them. Mistress was interrupted by company knocking on the door. it is hot today but She told me to wear a shirt and pants to cover the marks She inflicted. i had to sit so my back didnt touch any furniture. when company left She let me know that the punishment wasnt over and She had plans. She brought out out the restraints i hate because they dont allow me any leeway to move when i am in them. She told me She is going to teach me to not be a smartass to Her. She again pinched and twisted my breast really hard and refused to let go for awhile. She also told me that a new rule is when i ask if the punishment is over-i will be punished for asking. She is watching a program on her laptop and She gave me permission to get on mine. i am on pins and needles wondering when my punishment will commence. i know its going to hurt like hell and not a good hurt. i can still feel the welts on my back and my breasts and nipples are all bruised up. i havent had the oppurtunity to see if the anal toys have been moved. She knows i hate Her to use them on me without lube. it is not a hard limit-just something i dont enjoy. i wish i could figure out what possesses me sometimes to be a smartass and disrespect Mistress.

going to be punished.........

what is wrong with me? i snapped at Mistress today and i am now isolated in my room. She refuses to talk to me after She sent me in here. She refuses to tell me how She is going to punish me later.

well...She just came in and said to get off the net & turn my laptop off.

Zip-ties

when W/we went camping last month Mistress bought zip-ties in bulk for U/us to take & use if necessary. it wasnt until this past weekend that i noticed they were sitting on top of one of O/our bookshelves in O/our room. why they caught my attention was everything else W/we had taken with U/us camping was put back into O/our storage closet right after W/we returned from camping. Mistress is now looking at them and then looking at me. the thought of Her using them on me really has my juices flowing. i wrote to her on an erotic dream i had about them. Her cousin is visiting us so they will have to wait. Mistress knows i am titilated and my libido is soaring. yesterday in the moments W/we had alone She would flick and tease my nipples and in bed this morning She was teasing my clit while pulling my hair. she didnt allow me to touch myself and hasnt granted me permission to have toy time. i am aching for release but will wait for Her permission.

lesson learnt

yesterday was better. when i woke up i was still feeling down by not only displeasing Mistress but by also Her having to punish me the way She did to get my head out of my ass.

when She first hit my ass with the broom i looked at Her and knew it was time for me to be punished. i stood still as she hit my ass hard and didnt utter anything. i knew i was in the wrong and the pain was anything but erotic. she then flicked and swatted at my nipples and i bit my lip to remain quiet. W/we were outside in the rain and my nipples were rock hard from the cold. the pain She was inflicting on them sent lightning bolts of searing pain all throughout my tits and down into my toes. my mind was screaming "RED" but i knew not to say it or the punishment would be worse. Mistress was displeased with me and She had every right to be. when She was done i looked at Her and the look of disappointment on Her face hit me harder than my punishment. i cursed at myself in my head for taking my bad attitude out on Her. i gave Her space as She showered and watched Her movie. She didnt really say too much to me but She showed me the switch to let me know that if i continued i would get a worse punishment. Mistress has a way of making things that feel soo good during Her rewarding me feel like hell on earth when i have displeased Her.

She let me sleep in the bed with Her and after O/our following morning routine She rewarded me with the cherry switch for not letting the pain & bruises from my punishment get in the way of my duties. when i was being switched my whole body got warm-starting from my nipples and pussy on out. i feel so connected to Mistress when She is rewarding me. She left quiet a few welts on my back and ass.i love it when She leaves marks on me. they remind me of my gift of submission to my soulmate. it felt good that all was forgiven.

W/we ran errands in the late morning to early afternoon. W/we went to dinner and a movie with friends. W/we saw the new movie "x-files:i want to believe". i wont give away what happens but the suspension was making me fidgety and Mistress warned me to sit still or i would sit elsewhere by myself as punishment. W/we came home and had a quiet evening with the children. i have resolved to myself to be more careful in the future to check my attitude when it comes to Mistress. She admires the fact that i speak my mind but what i did was beyond that. i hope that this will be one of a few posts about punishments. *keeping fingers crossed*