Sunday, October 2, 2011
I will come back to writing a blog at a later time.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
She is not pleased with me and let me know my punishment is going to be more severe than any before. She is waiting for our company to leave this time next week to give me my punishment. I am doing my best to make it up to Her...but to no avail so far.
She reminded me that this is what I had asked for and agreed to when She collared me on New Years. She is absolutely right...this is what I consented to and She isnt forcing me to remain Her slave. I know I can put a stop to this at any time but I dont want to. Her dominance helps me feel secure and safe. Even though I dont understand why She says and does things sometimes...I know She always has my best interest at heart.
I have a very strong personality and I speak my mind more often than not...however I have always had a severe yearning to submit...to have someone dominate me. Someone I could trust with my life and know that even during moments of extreme pain....they would never do anything that would really hurt me in any way.
I have found that person in Mistress. Not only is She my Mistress but She is my best friend, lover, wife,my primary, the co-parent of my daughters and the one person who knows me better than I know myself. I am confident I'm not going to enjoy my punishment but I know it will deepen my submission and Mistress knows best.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Our company was gone last night and we made the most of it. We continued from the other night by taking our time making love. When we were finished we fell asleep in each other's arms. I have mixed feelings about sharing those kind of moments on this blog. I dont mind sharing the details of my punishments but some things are sacred and I want to keep those between Mistress and I. Mistress just called and is on Her way home. I am going to go greet Her at the door.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The thing that makes it worse is that we have company. They completely understand but I feel horrible because Im unable to clean the kitchen or the bathroom. Mistress told me to let it go but seeing the dirty dishes in the sink is driving my OCD bonkers.This morning I competely forgot our company was here...they were still in the other room laying down...and I said "Good morning Mistress". My eyes got wide the moment I said it because I heard one of them giggle. Mistress gave me a good morning kiss and paid them no mind. I followed Her lead.
Mistress said She has a special surprise for me for tomorrow.I have no clue what it is...She wont even give me a hint :-( . Im thinking it may be the cage which is sitting off of our living room. We have dogs so no one will question why its there. However I spend more time in there than the dogs. Im ambivalent when it comes to the cage. I love that Im short enough to fit in there with plenty of room to move somewhat. I hate that once Im in there I never know when Im allowed to get out. I know its for my own good that Mistress puts me in there. Its Her form of a time-out for me to remind me of my place. I enter being a smart-ass and I exit deeper in my submission to Her.
What are your thoughts on being put in a cage???
Monday, January 17, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Mistress has been inspired by Kaya's latest blog post. If I get out of line again I will be writing sentences while sitting naked on uncooked rice. The idea of that completely squicks me out as I wont sit on simple dirt without a blanket underneath me. Im now making a diligent effort to engage my brain before my mouth.
On a brighter note Im now learning to cook different cuisines. Last night I made california rolls for the first time. They looked nothing like they do in the stores/restaurants but Mistress assured me that they were delicious. Tonight Im making steaks with stuffed mushrooms. Ive made those before of course but tonight Im trying a new recipe for the mushroom filling. Im also getting back into baking again. Mistress told me friday...while looking around at the local sales....that She is getting me new baking pans along with new cake decorating supplies. She knows I cook from the heart. I love baking the cakes for our families birthdays and our get-togethers with friends and family.
Im going to be revamping this blog. I have come across some features I would like to try out and see if I like them. Some readers have messaged me on why I dont post personal pics...Mistress forbids it. I do have one pic of me on a fetish site...only people on my friends list are allowed to see more pics. I thought it a bit odd that someone would ask that question...ah well :::shrugs:::
I do notice that alot of people read my blog but few comment. Dont be shy...go ahead and introduce yourself. Im going to be implenting the widget so readers can ask questions. I will answer within the guidelines set down by Mistress.
I hope everyone is staying safe & healthy in all the crazy weather everywhere. (((HUGS)))
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I went through horrific things as a young child...things I am now processing with an exceptional trauma therapist over 30 years later. Part of the catharsis of therapy is feeling what I felt then (terror, no control,etc...)which leaves me feeling ungrounded, anxious and angry as hell.
Mistress also recently collared me again after releasing me in March 2009. We are re-establishing boundaries in our renewed dynamic.
Mistress and I talked about everything. She understands that I am dealing with things but Her hard limit is me taking it out on Her. We both agreed on a safe-word I am to say when Im in a head space that I need time to process. That way if Im having a flash-back of something during the day/night and She inquires about my suddenly leaving the room or not answering when She speaks to me...all I have to say is the word and She will know Im working through something internally and not grounded. The same for Her...She has Her limits like everybody else and sometimes needs personal space to deal with personal things without having to elaborate on why.
I am now doing daily meditations along with my self-care routines. I am more than encouraged by Mistress to talk to Her about things... not for Her to "fix" it but so I can verbalize things to make them more real so I can work through them. I am also doing more of my journal and art therapy to help make the internal more external.
As for the renewed dynamic we are both committed to making our marriage work. The BDSM is just an aspect of the bigger picture that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We are confident that through our love, our raw honesty with each other as well as ourselves and our devotion to each other, our children and grandchildren....the Mistress/slave stuff will take care of itself.
Today I am feeling very well and at peace. Its pouring outside but its done nothing to dampen my spirits. This is a new year and I feel in my bones its gonna be the best one yet :)
Monday, January 10, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Monday, May 4, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
i got this off of kaya's blog. feel free to answer in the comments.
1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of blogging?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Favorite fictional character of all time?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
27. What’s your favorite hangout?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?