HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

i just wanted to peek in and wish everyone a "happy new year" from Mistress and i.

we are going to our son's house tonight to watch movies,play the xbox360 and watch 2009 come in together.

t.m.i. tuesday

i got this from luna's blog (http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/)

1. Last week was “The Most Wonderful time of the Year”, but what are your favorite 2008 memories?

the camping trip with Mistress and the children, the trips to the beach with family and the times Mistress and i had days & nights kid free at the house :)

2. What is the best thing you learned in 2008?

that there is nothing wrong with me getting older and that i don't have to be perfect all of the time.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2008?

about a 9

4. What is your wish for 2009?

What is your wish for someone else for 2009? my wish for me is to learn more patience with myself. for someone else~to be wealthy in love and poor in regret.

5. Where was the first place you ever passionately kissed?

first ever??? at the movies while watching "flashdance". first kiss for Mistress and i~right before we were intimate for the first time.

an update...

Mistress and i are almost back to normal~"our normal". we had a looong talk and laid all of our cards out on the table. i have been on orgasm restriction on top of trying to quit smoking and cutting down my caffeine consumption on top of the stress of the holidays. i felt like a time bomb ready to explode. Mistress has been having migraines-they are worse than what She had told me (She didn't want me worrying) so She hadn't been in the mood to play. i took Her not being interested personally and thought She wasn't happy with me as Her slave. during our talk She made it clear that if She wasnt happy with me~She would've released me and moved out. She hadn't been punishing me as much because of Her migraines. She didn't want to lose control and hurt me out of Her frustration of always being in pain.


we are now slowly beginning to play again and Mistress has been inflicting pain on me. i will elaborate on that in a later post. this morning i am a happy slave. Mistress and i are communicating and our marriage is better than it has been in awhile. the snow has melted all away with the confusion in our relationship. the children are still home on winter break and we are doing alot of family things together. Mistress is going back to "teen" sit for our friend for a few weeks after winter break. She will be here during school hours but will be spending nights there to make sure the teens don't destroy their house.


for new year's eve we are staying home with the kids~Mistress and the kids are going to be killing demons and zombies on the xbox360 while i make goodies to eat.


life is good now and i know 2009 is going to be even better :)

a subbie's meltdown

yesterday i woke up and something wasnt right. i couldnt put my finger on it. we had to run errands so i bundled up for the cold weather. Mistress could tell something was wrong. i wasnt feeling good inside and out. my eyes started to tear up on the bus. i wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and pull it in after me. all i remember feeling was a sense of doom and horror. when we got home i exploded and acted like....acted like a bitch from hell. Mistress and i had the worst fight we have ever had. i was completely in the wrong and Mistress put me in my place. i am feeling better now but ashamed at my behavior. i am soo lucky to have Mistress in my life. i know if i had to live with someone like me...i would've abandoned ship looooong ago.

Mistress and i are taking time off from the s&m part of our dynamic. we want to figure out why i pushed Her into a fight where She would physically restrain me so i would give in and stop with my nonsense. when She was restraining me i felt a wave of calm wash over me and then disgust at myself for topping from the bottom. i am still Her submissive slave and doing service for Her. i am trying to figure out in my head what is more important to me-the service aspect of being a submissive slave or the masochistic aspect. i am trying to find a balance between the two. i love doing service for Her but i find if i havent had pain in awhile i get a bit bitchy.

why???

stuffed like a turkey!!!

we had our christmas feast last night. i ate waaay too much and went into a turkey coma for the night. today we are staying home~playing the new xbox360 and waiting for the next storm to hit. i am going to curl up on the couch to read while watching Mistress kick ass on the game She is playing.

i have come across some new blogs and will be adding those to my blog list as time allows. the children are home for vacation so alot of my reading/posting is done late at night/early in the morning. the children are busy with what they got for christmas so i have some privacy.

i am still on orgasm restriction and its starting to get to me. my frustration level is down and i find myself biting my tongue alot with everyone. Mistress said She is thinking about me having toytime-it depends on my attitude.

well-time to refill my coffee and snuggle in again into my blanket. life is good today :)

Merry Christmas!!!

i am posting twice today since i am going to start cooking things for Christmas dinner this afternoon and wont be done until it is served.

i just wanted to wish everyone a

Merry Christmas!!!

t.m.i. tuesday

i am using this from luna's blog (http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/). i am still trying to figure out how to attach the link to her name-anybody know how???

1. What do present do you hope ends up under you tree? Mistress and i to have some alone time so we can do as Mistress wishes.
2. What present are you most psyched about giving (PLEASE be vague or ignore this question if the recipient reads your blog)? i already gave my present to Mistress~an xbox360.
3. DO you prefer to give or receive? i love to give :)
4. What is your favorite part off a sexual partner’s body? if i had to pick just one part it would be Mistress's mouth. Her kisses take my breath away
5. What is your favorite part your body - the one you hope a sexual partner will find or pay the most attention to? my breasts-they are very errogenous and Mistress pays plenty of attention to them :)

going to be careful for what i wish for....

i am going to start being more careful for what i wish for. i wanted a white christmas and its been snowing for the last week. Mistress and i had to go to our son's house to watch the grandkids while him and his wife did the last of their christmas shopping. we only meant to be there a few hours and ended up staying a few days. the blizzard that was supposed to hit saturday hit our area on friday. it finally started letting up yesterday (or so we thought) so we started to make our way home. halfway home while waiting for a bus~another storm hit. it took us 7 hours to get home~it usually only takes 45 mins and that includes all the walking and the bus rides. the snow is up almost to my knee. Mistress made it easier for me to walk by walking in front and having me step into Her prints. She would stop every 20 feet or so to look back and make sure i hadnt fallen. we were exhausted when we got home and went to bed early.

we have been too tired and busy to play and we both need it. today we are staying inside spending time with the kids and watching movies. i have a few books i am going to read. i am eager for Mistress to inflict pain on me. i am not sure what i need more-the ecstasy of pain or the ecstasy of cumming. i am trying to keep a good attitude. i woke up this morning and made Mistress a plate of crepe's and selected out some of Her favorite movies to watch. laundry is being done and the house is clean.

i was sad to read that caitlin passed away. i read her blog from time to time and was touched by her writings. reading the post by her master brought tears to my eyes. i don't even want to think about life without Mistress.

Mistress comes home today!!!

i am soo thrilled...Mistress is coming home today. i have really missed Her!!!

the kids are home from school because of the snow and the next couple of weeks they are home on winter break. we are going to coordinate their visits to their friends at the same time so Mistress and i can get some much needed alone time to play. i am aching for pain but will wait because i know Mistress will make it worth it. since i have been on orgasm restriction for awhile i have a feeling that when Mistress does allow me to cum-i am going to gush.

today we are making christmas goodies with the kids. Mistress also bought a couple of Christmas movies for us to watch with our tradition of watching "christmas vacation" every year. tonight i am cooking one of Mistress's favorites: my homemade bbq ribs with my homemade potato salad.

i am eager to see what Mistress wishes to do after the kids have gone to bed. She may just sleep since She hasnt slept good while She was away. i don't care what we do-i am just grinning ear to ear because She is home :)

thursday question

got this from luna's blog (http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/). i will try to do this every thursday.

What do you consider domestic service? Do you enjoy serving or being served in this fashion? What tips do you have for someone learning to love domestics?

domestic service to me is doing all of the housework and waiting on Mistress hand & foot. i also do alot of the paperwork and phone calls. it is up to me to make sure the house runs smoothly while keeping Mistress's rules in mind.

i enjoy doing the serving. it has always been a part of my personality to serve others. i get uncomfortable when Mistress serves me by making me soup when i am sick or doing something i am unable to because of a physical limitation. i know that Mistress only does what She wants to and its my job to keep my mouth shut. it still gives me an uneasy feeling though but i am learning to let it go.

tips??? what has helped me is the "flylady" website. she is a godsend!!! i also do little things for Mistress everyday to symbolize my submission and devotion to Her. little things like making sure Her favorite foods are always stocked, making sure there is always Her favorite reading material on Her nightstand, always making sure She has a beverage at room temperature within reach (too cold of things hurts Her mouth) and making sure Her psp is always charged. She never required me to do these things~they are just things i did on my own and i felt all warm & fuzzy when She took notice :)

christmas with coffee

Mistress gave me one of my christmas presents early-it is a coffee station that i can program to brew at a specific time and i can dispense my coffee with one hand. i am going to be getting some special coffee's, syrups and creamers so i can indulge my caffeine addiction.

today i had to go out and get some last minute shopping done. i didnt want to but Mistress insisted. i wasnt thrilled about going out into the snowstorm but Mistress said "do it bitch" so i did it. i hit some sales while braving the snow & wind. now i am home drinking my coffee and picking out books to read the next couple of days. we are expecting some more snow and colder weather. Mistress said since i did what i was told with a good attitude i can have the next couple of days inside the house. i am still on toytime restriction.

i bought Mistress some winter boots that She was needing. She mentioned that when they get dirty-She will have me lick shine them. i hope She was kidding-but will do it if She asks.

time to go snuggle into the blankets and read a book. i have a penchant for true crime books and have a few new ones to read.

t.m.i. tuesday

got this from luna's ( http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/) blog. i don't know how to have her name as the link yet-i need to study more about blogging me thinks.

1. What is the greatest age difference between between and a SO?

older than me by 20 years in a previous relationship.

2. What is the greatest age difference between between any sexual partner? same as # 1

3. Have you started your holiday shopping? Is it done?
our shopping is all done

4. What are the chances there will be a “naughty” present under the tree this year (either from you or for you)?
a very good chance :)

5. What is your favorite holiday song?
"mary did you know" by mark lowry

missing Mistress in the snow

woke up this morning to more snow. the kiddies are on 2 hour late schedule so i am waiting to wake them up while drinking my morning coffee. i need alot of it as i didnt sleep good last night since Mistress is away at nights now. i also had our youngest in bed with me and sleeping next to her is not for the faint hearted. she kicks, punches and also has to sleep horizontally across the bed and somehow manages to have all of her limbs still hitting me in that position.

i have a feeling i am going to be blogging more when Mistress is away to occupy my time. yesterday i was packing Her up and getting Her boots on. i was dragging my feet and She noticed. She asked what was wrong and i told Her that i was going to miss Her. She was touched by my sentiment and said She would miss me but She wouldnt be too far away and would visit as much as She could. its not that i rely on Her for every breath...Mistress also doesnt micromanage me and knows the house will run smoothly in Her absense. we have been apart before without it bothering me. i think why its bothering me now is that i am still getting over bronchitis and the weather is frigid. the bus schedules are all running late if at all. so if something were to happen-Mistress might be delayed or prevented from getting here. i know i am capable of handling any crisis that might arise-however it would be more comforting if She were here.


i am still on razor restriction and toytime restriction and Mistress also has delegated some things for me to accomplish while She is away. She mentioned to me that She wants the first weekend She is back to be kid free so i am wiggly with curiosity on what She has in mind.


i will keep you updated....

a lil' snow & update

we woke up this morning to snow on the ground. there is more on the way with below freezing temperatures so Mistress has restricted me to the house for at least today. i still am fighting bronchitis and Mistress has been forcing meds down my throat. i hate meds but know She is doing it for my own good. my asthma is really aggravated so i sound horrid. i still am in good spirits and have been reading and drinking alot of tea.
Mistress leaves tonight to go and house-sit for a friend. its not so much the house She is keeping an eye on but the teenagers that live there. the mother has to go out of state and so Mistress is going to be staying there at night to make sure the house stays in on piece. She is going to visit during the day as much as She can in this weather. i am still on razor restriction and Mistress has also put me on toytime restriction. i thought i had done something to displease Mistress and asked Her why i was on toytime restriction, She said "because I feel like it, you didnt do anything wrong". i am wondering what She is up to but i know better than to ask. She bought me a new package of batteries and put them where i can see them and forbid me from opening them.
we have taken in a pregnant tabby that we found abandoned outside. we have asked everyone in the neighborhood who she belongs to but no one has claimed her. she is ready to pop anytime so we are keeping her warm & fed until she has the kittens and then will find them good homes.
well...Mistress is awake now from sleeping in so i need to sign off to make Her breakfast.

my past bdsm illusion and my bdsm reality

this past week or so i have read about the illusion of bdsm on other blogs. it got me to thinking on what i thought M/s was when i began my journey of being a submissive and what my reality is now. as a young child i was the type that wanted to serve others. i loved doing things for other people as a way to show my love and devotion for them. i went through alot as a child but the hell i went through never diminished my need to do for others.



i first heard of bdsm while going to gay clubs. most of my guy friends were gay and some of them were heavy into the leather bdsm scene. i would go with them to parties where there were slaves being bound and whipped or flogged or both. my best friend at the time gave me the book "the story of o" and recommended that i read it. i did and couldnt put it down until it was finished. i was 18 at the time and i remember getting turned on by reading about o being trained. i remember thinking "i want to be trained~this is something i need". i talked to my friend and he educated me on the being safe in the scene. at this time i was also introduced to the writings of ayn rand and still believe in her philosophy that only i am responsible for my true happiness.



i had a few relationships and a marriage where we would experiment with bdsm but i never found anyone i could trust enough to completely submit to. after divorcing my oldest daughters father-i met a man who became my first dom.(at the time i still considered myself bi). he trained me for a few years. we didnt have a 24/7 arrangement as he was honest in his having no desire of wanting to live with a child in his house. his father passed away and he had to go back to spain to take care of his mother. i gave him back his collar and we parted on good terms. while being his submissive i started realizing that the bdsm portrayed in books isnt what happens all the time in real life~at least not my life.



i then had a dom who ended up being very abusive and he didnt respect my hard limits or my safewords. he shattered my trust issues and it took me alooong time to even think about wanting to submit to someone again. during this time i also found my attraction to men waning. i had always preferred women but found that in most cases at that time~men didnt even cause me to take a second look. then i met Mistress.



when Mistress and i met through mutual friends~you could say it was lust at first sight. i sensed in Her the perfect Dom for me. She noticed that anytime we would hook up-i would fold all of our clothes into neat piles. i would also take off Her shoes and socks and clean up after we ate. i didnt even realize i was doing it until She pointed it out when we were out eating with the friends that introduced us. one of our friends turned to Her and said " ----- dont you realize that ------ is a submissive". Her and i later talked about it and we shared with each other both of our pasts in bdsm. neither of us had ever had a 24/7 M/s relationship. we agreed to take it slow. Mistress is alot stronger than me and was worried about hurting me. i shared with Her that i wasnt only interested in it being just in the bedroom but wanted also to be Her service slave. we did some research online and both agreed that She is in charge of everything. i am allowed some input on certain things but She always has final say. our M/s dynamic is different than other people's and thats ok.



Her and i have been together for a few years and we have both learned alot about ourselves, each other and our bdsm reality. even though it would be ideal for our M/s life together to be like it is in books-the reality of life isnt fiction. we have had our rough patches like other couples. one thing i am thankful for is those rough patches brought us closer together. i have learned that i am always Her submissive slave even if we havent had any playtime together in awhile. i know now that being a submissive slave is not only my actions but my attitude. my attitude does suck at times and thats my fault. i am learning to talk to Mistress more often instead of letting things build to the point where its toxic for me and our relationship.



so what about my earlier ideas about what bdsm was all about??? my belief is those books are really good books...but what i have with Mistress is 100% better.

t.m.i. tuesday

i got this off of luna's log. i read her blog often and will try to do one each tuesday.

1. Do you consider sexy underthings a present for you or your partner?
Mistress buys me the sexy underthings as She isnt into wearing girly femme things.

2. What are 3 characteristics of “your type”? Have your best relationship(s) been with your type or when you have gone against it?
dominant, honest & caring. yes-my best is with my type. i have had a couple relationships with people that werent dominant and they went south really quick.

3. What is on your Santa list this year?
more rest for Mistress and i, good health for family & more alone time for Mistress and i

4. Generally speaking, who has historically had a higher libido, you or your partner(s)?
i am in the mood more but Mistress has the longer sustaining power.

5. The unsculptured female bush seems to have passed from fashion. What about men, do you think they need to trim and shave “down there”?
doesnt apply to me since i am a lesbian

another meme & an update

i am feeling better mentally but still have this dang cold & cough. i shared with Mistress my insecurities of Her leaving and She told me that if She was ever going to leave me~She would've a loooong time ago when we went through our roughest patch. She said i am stuck with Her and She is also stuck with me :)

Mistress is going out of town this weekend for a week to do some house sitting for a friend. i am going to miss Her :( She said She will call me so i can tell Her what i am up to. i am getting more into the christmas spirit. i have a surprise in mind for Mistress but will wait for Her to be out of town to do it.

here is a meme i found on another blog that i read. sorry i dont have alot of smut to write about. i am sure when we are feeling better~ playtime will commence.

1. Is sex best in the morning, afternoon, or night? - morning

2. On which side of the bed do you sleep? - right side

3. Pork, beef, or chicken? - beef

4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke? - yes-when pregnant with both children.

5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on? - left

6. Candles or incense? - candles

7. Do you dance when no one is watching? - on occasion

8. Did you play doctor when you were little? - oh yes >:)

9. Stove top cooking or microwave? - stove top (microwave for popcorn)

10. Would you rather your car or your house be dirty? - car

11. Shower or bath? - shower

12. Do you pee in the shower? - no

13. Mexican or Chinese food? - mexican

14. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? - aggressive

15. Do you own sex toys? - oh yes

16. Corn dogs or hot dogs? - cheese dogs

17. Your favorite restaurant? - la palma

18. What did you have for lunch today? - not yet but will probably have soup since i am currently sick

19. When did you last fall down? - a few months ago over the shadow of a tree (Mistress still laughs about that one)

20. Have you ever wished someone were dead? - no

21. Love or money? - love

22. Credit cards or cash? - cash-credit cards for emergencies only

23. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn’t? - oh yes

24. Oreos or vanilla wafers? - oreos

25. How do you like your steak cooked? - grilled with sauteed mushrooms

26. How do you like your eggs cooked? - over easy

27. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in a fight? - yes

28. Would you rather go camping or to a five star hotel? - camping

29. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery? - minor surgery

30. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money? - the head?...there isnt enough money in the world

31. Would you rather have lice or an STD? - who thought of this question-neither

32. What’s your favorite hard candy? - butterscotch

33. Ever been to a strip club? - yes

34. Ever been to a bar? - yes

35. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? - yes

36. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere? - no

37. Kissed someone of the same sex? - yes

38. Had sex in the car? - yes

39. Had sex at the beach? - yes

40. Had sex in a movie theater? - yes

41. Had sex in a bathroom? - yes

42. Have you ever been in an “adult” store? - yes

43. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with? -dont have a friends list.

44. Have you been caught having sex? - no

45. Have you ever kissed a stranger? -no

46. Does anyone have naughty pictures of you? - Mistress

a sick slave's insecurity

this bug has really kicked me off of my ass. i have been doing my best to keep up with my duties and havent been able to complete all of them. Mistress hasnt complained but i still feel like i am not holding up my end of things. i am one of those that gets sick from watching a cold medicine commercial. that is why i like to keep things clean. my philosophy is that if you can't eat off of it then its not clean. Mistress calls me a germophobe. i carry around hand sanitizer everywhere. i am not "monk-ish" but close.

anyhoo...since i have been resting up alot (Mistress's orders) i have been doing alot of thinking (Mistress has smelled alot of smoke-lol). I am starting to slide into the big 4-0...as much as i have tried to deny it...it bothers me that i am getting older. i still get carded when buying alcohol which always feels great. i have just noticed more wrinkles and my hair has alot more grey lately. i could care less what other people think but i often wonder if my aging is affecting how Mistress sees me. Mistress says i am being ridiculous when i share my insecurities that She is no longer attracted to me. logically i agree but lately insecure thoughts have been roaming around my head. i have been feeling more down lately which has sunk my self esteem. next week i am going in to get my bipolar meds adjusted~that should help with my moods and lift my self esteem back to normal.

the children have also been sick and now Mistress is coming down with the bug. needless to say Mistress and i havent had any quality time. our oldest daughter had a talk with me the other day. she had asked me to do something she could do for herself. i told her i was in the middle of something and could she do it herself. she got a little pissy and mentioned that i dont do everything for her or her sister but i do everything for my wife. i told her that i dont do everything but i do alot because that is how we want our marriage to work. she just rolled her eyes at me and walked away. i know teens will be teens so i didnt get mad or defensive. our oldest daughter may know that our marriage isnt like alot of other marriages. she is 17 and very intuitive. she doesnt ask so we dont tell. our youngest hasnt a clue. she is almost 9 and we are very careful to be more guarded around her since she is at an impressionable age. we don't even let her watch the news. our grown son and his wife know some of our dynamic but not all of it.

well-its 3:30 am and i need to try to get some more sleep. this cough has been keeping me up. i took some syrup and its starting to make me sleepy. i have been looking for my hot taudy recipe but havent found it yet. does anyone know of a good recipe to knock out this cold???

a christmas meme

i am still sick and thought maybe doing a christmas meme would help with my feeling blah. i am too lazy to tag anyone so if you are reading this...consider yourself tagged :)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? gift bags

2. Real tree or artificial? real tree

3. When do you put up the tree? day after thanksgiving

4. When do you take the tree down? january 2nd

5. Do you like eggnog? yummy~yes

6. Favorite gift received as a child? a horse. she was an appaloosa i named "queenie" and she was my best friend until the day she died.

7. Hardest person to buy for? our oldest grandson

8. Easiest person to buy for? our youngest daughter

9. Do you have a nativity scene? yes-it was a gift from my late nana. its inside a huge snow globe that plays "away in a manger".

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? depends on who it is.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? a wool sweater at a party at a former job~it was beautiful but i am allergic to wool :(

12. Favorite Christmas movie? "a christmas story" ("you'll shoot your eye out")

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? we shop all year around.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? yes~see #11

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Mistress's home-made dressing

16. Lights on the tree; colored or white? colored

17. Favorite Christmas song? "grandma got run over by a reindeer" & "mary did you know"

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? this year we are staying at home

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? yes

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? star

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? family gifts on christmas eve and then from santa christmas morning

22. Favorite ornament theme or color? blue & white

23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Mistress's dressing, my daughter inlaws cauliflower cheese dish & my homemade fudge.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? a nice whipping to end the year right.

25. Who is most likely to respond to this?whoever is in the christmas spirit.

sniffle....

what i have been fearing has happened...i have a bad cold virus and there is nothing i can do about it. i woke up this morning coughing, sore throat and bad congestion. even though i am feeling under the weather i am feeling better than i have in awhile.

Mistress and i had quality time last night. i didnt even know She had planned it until i was sitting here on another website and She laid into me out of nowhere. She grabbed my nipple and pulled really hard while twisting. i barely had time to recover when She grabbed ahold of my neck and clamped down on it. She kept up the tit torture while squeezing my neck harder. the pain in my nipple was getting my pussy wet with excitement. i didnt have any air to breathe so i did the tap out signal so Mistress knew to let go so i could breathe. She let me take a breath and clamped down again. She did this a few times and then signaled for me to get my ass into our room.

i got up and went to the bedroom. Mistress started in with the tit torture again. the pain was yummy and my clit was buzzing and aching to be touched. Mistress sensed my excitement and gave me a kick right into my pussy. i almost came from the pain. She kept kicking me and turned around to heel kick my pussy. after one kick instead of putting Her foot down, She kept it right on my clit and rubbed it. it felt so good that i started moaning with pleasure. i was on the verge of having an orgasm when She pulled Her foot away. She continued punishing my nipples while my juices ran down my inner thighs. She turned me around and started scratching my ass and thighs. She dug Her nails into my ass and put Her ear by my mouth so She could hear me whimper in pain & pleasure. i needed to cum with a vengeance but She refused to give me permission. i went to sleep afterwards and slept good all night. then i woke up and felt like i was under attack by ninja germs. can a slave get sick from orgasm denial???

i still have an ache to cum but i will wait for Mistress's permission. we don't play while one of us is sick to avoid passing germs back and forth.

a case of the blues

for some reason this year i am not really in the christmas spirit. i am usually in the spirit right after halloween but this year i feel indifferent. to be quiet honest i have been indifferent about alot of things. my libido is down (a rarity) and i have been moody, as in i am easily moved to tears. i think i have shared before that i am bipolar-i religiously take my meds and get enough sleep & eat as healthy as i can. i have just fell into an abyss over the last few weeks. i am calling tomorrow to make an appointment to see if i need an adjustment in my meds.

Mistress has been real patient with my crying. i wont go into details of the discussion-but She calmed my fear that She doesnt see me as an emotional burden and is not leaving. i am keeping up with my duties and i am allowed more free time to recharge myself. Mistress decided we are staying home for christmas and wont have other people over. i am soo grateful to Mistress for that. all of our christmas shopping is done. i have more to write about on other things but it is time to go watch a movie with Mistress.

later taters!!!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

wow-this month has gone by fast.

i wanted to peek in and wish everyone a happy thanksgiving. this year we are going to be gone at our son's house. his wife is doing the majority of the cooking and i am making my famous fudge. Mistress is hopefully making Her home-made stuffing-i loooooove it, it's in its own food group :)

with us getting ready for the holidays and other things-Mistress and i havent had alot of quality time. She mentioned that we are going shopping for something on friday and She refuses to tell me what it is. the suspense is killing me......

since both of our birthdays are in april Mistress wants to collar me then. She was inspired by a comment on this blog to get a collar that She can zap me with to correct me. i am still on razor restriction and feel like i am smuggling toupee's under my arms and a wig in my crotch. i have commented to Mistress my discomfort and She will get an evil smirk on Her face and reply "sucks to be you". She is right.

i found my cell phone...it was in a box under alot of books. i havent any idea how it got there. Mistress is still getting the g1 phone-after the holidays. She is definitely a technophile.

i hope everyone has a safe holiday !!!

the mystery of the cell phone....

after tearing my house apart and putting it back together-my beloved cell is nowhere to be found. i called around to the places we patronized and no one turned it in . Mistress called and shut it off and we are getting Mistress the new G1 and i am getting Her cell to use.

Mistress may have broke Her toe on our bedframe yesterday :(. She is staying off of it as much as She will. i have a previous commitment (a memorial service for a friend) or i would stay home with Her. She insists i go so i am.

a little update & mild rant...

not feeling really in the mood to blog so much. not sure if its the weather, the bug going around the house or the fact that my rheumatoid arthritis is back with a vengeance. my laptop still is in the shop so i only have privacy in the early morning to blog, read other bdsm blogs or go on any of the bdsm sites i frequent. i am trying to comment on other blogs more after my morning coffee.

i have been busy around the house getting it spring cleaned for the holidays. the ra has slowed me down a little and i get tired alot. i have also been forgetting alot-lost my cell phone in the house and it must be dead because when i called it-i dont hear a ring. my mission today is to find the thing.

Mistress has been really patient due to the ra....although something last night bugged me. i was deep frying some hashbrown patties for Her. my hands were stiff and was having problems grasping the patties with the tongs. Mistress told me She would do it...i started to insist i could do it and then She gave me "that look" so i handed over the tongs. i hate it that i am not up to par. Mistress still corrects me when She senses an attitude in my voice but She is treating me with kid gloves when it comes to domestic service when the ra is restricting my movements. i still insist on putting Her shoes on & taking them off...even though it takes me more effort to get up off the floor afterwards.

i am calling to get a new doctor tomorrow. my current/soon to be former doc is a quack. he states that even though my records say that i have had ra since i was young and my blood work says i have it (the numbers on my bloodwork are high but he says not high enough for me to see a specialist) any complaint that i have...he diagnoses it to me getting older (i am 38) and that i am overweight (i have lost 100 lbs in the last 18 mos. and the pain is worse now than ever). sorry about the rant...

anyhooo....hopefully soon my laptop will be fixed and i will have better medical care so i can be the bestest slave i can be.

vibrations!!!

thursday while running errands Mistress surprised me by having us go into an adult toy store. She said She was getting us something to celebrate the day in november a few years ago that we began dating. after looking around She decided on getting a wireless remote vibrating egg. i was thrilled and couldnt wait to try it out. after we got home Mistress put the batteries in and had me put it in. it felt really nice :) the remote allows Her to not only control the strength but also the type of vibrations. it was right against my g-spot and Mistress enjoyed seeing me in pleasure. however when i felt the wave of orgasm start-Mistress would turn it down. She had it turned all the way up a few times and i could feel the vibrations up into my skull. She told me to keep it in but She was going to give the batteries a rest. we began reading and everytime i was really into my book She would hit the remote to make me squirm and/or jump. my book almost went flying into the wall a few times. Mistress still refused to allow me to cum. as it got closer to our bedtime i asked Mistress if i could take it out and She said no. i kept it in and went to sleep. next thing i know i am being jarred awake by my pussy vibrating. Mistress is a light sleeper and everytime Her eyes opened She would hit the remote. once i jumped so far i bumped my head on the wall. needless to say i did not get that much sleep. Mistress was having aloooot of fun making me jump. next She wants me to wear it in public...i am mixed with anticipation and eagerness. i love how it feels. however it is going to be difficult for me to not let on what is going on. Mistress also informed me that soon we are going to begin on ass training. not for my pleasure -but for the humiliation of punishment.

we did try out the tens unit. Mistress put it on my flesh-the setting She had it on was too strong. Mistress has been trying to figure out why the settings are off. She is going to have it checked out before She tries it on my pussy. i am still on razor/veet restriction and i am worried about burning my pubes off. i do miss being bare but would rather look like chewbacca then to have my pussy burnt. Mistress loves that i am humiliated to be hairy.

Mistress also had fun putting green & red clothes clips on me. She had them all over my tits. She took Her time putting them on and had fun making different designs. i loved the pain. i dont know what it is but tit pain gives me micro-orgasms. all Mistress has to say is "give me your tits now" and my pussy gets all wet. She also bought a spatula with holes in it from the dollar store and used that on my ass & tits. it made pretty marks and bruises. the dollar store is a delight for the sadist in Mistress....also for the masochist in me.

my laptop croaked so now we are down to just the desktop until the laptop is fixed. i can't wait. this desktop is an antique. that is why this post is short. i want to get it posted before this damn thing freezes up. i will elaborate more on things when we get the laptop back.

everyone take care, stay warm and safe :)

tens unit???

Mistress got me up bright and early the other morning and told me to get dressed because we were going out for a walk and a light breakfast. all was going well until the bus was late and i started feeling grumpy from the lack of my usual couple cups of espresso strong coffee first thing in the morning. Mistress asked what was wrong and in my caffeine deprived haze-i got mouthy and told Her exactly what was wrong. She wasnt amuzed to say the least with my attitude. She asked me rhetorically why i had forgotten my place. i tried explaining to Her that She knows i am grumpy before my coffee. i was confused and asked Her why i was in trouble since She has overlooked it before. She explained to me She overlooks it when we are at home but i know the rule of always being respectful when we are out in public. i knew i was in the wrong and apologized. She informed me that i was going to be punished after She thought about it. i let it go and we went out to breakfast. we then went to the dollar store where Mistress picked out rope, plastic red & blue clothes clips. She was looking at the spatulas for awhile but commented to me that we had enough at home and She still wanted to work in the whip on me. i kept envisioning myself being bound, clipped and whipped for the better part of the day. needless to say i was not looking forward to going home.

we finally made it home and Mistress had the look in Her eye that let me know that the time to be punished was near. the phone rang and i heard our teen answer it-she then came and knocked on our door and let us know that her bff had arrived in town early and they were wondering if she could come over a day early to visit for a week. we said ok and Mistress told me that i was basically saved from what She had in mind due to us having company but that She would figure out another way to punish me that was more discreet. She let me know later that evening that before we took off the next morning-She was going to put enhancement gel all over my clit and pussy for me to wear while we were out. i did a mini-laugh until i saw the look in Her eye and i realized She was serious. i got a bit angry at Her for being soo devious and clever. it is very hard for me to keep a straight face and not make a sound when i am aroused. i didnt sleep that good from staying up and strategizing on how i could be oblivious to the gel and not let on to anyone that i was aroused. Mistress also let me know that this punishment did not absolve me from being bound, clipped and whipped. that would happen after our company was gone.

the next morning Mistress put the gel on and i felt it tingle. Mistress told me to get dressed and get ready to go. i was mentally trying to ignore the sensations until we were outside and the wind gusted through me. the second the wind hit my crotch-my clit went "schwing" and my legs started turning to rubber. Mistress asked me what was wrong with a smirk on Her face. i whispered to Her that i just needed a moment. She denied my request and told me to start walking. i did as i was told. i made it through out the morning and afternoon ok. Mistress cracked up when She saw that i was so aroused that i had a wet spot in my pants. Mistress received a package that was a tens unit. She informed me that She is going to try it out on my pussy at Her discretion. i am a bit nervous about it. She has experience with them but i dont. does anyone have experience with them?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

wishing everyone a safe & happy halloween.

seeing as today & tonight Mistress and i are going to be busy with family things. Mistress gave me my halloween treat early...with a trick. i had just taken a shower when Mistress told me to lay down on the bed on my back with my legs spread and to not move. She then proceeded to apply some sexual enhancement gel to my clit with the smirk She gets on Her face when She is up to something >:) the gel started making my clit tingly and very cool. i was already horny before She applied it and the gel made my clit that much harder. Mistress then brought out my favorite toy and told me to turn it up all the way and put it on my clit and keep it there until She said to take it off. i did as i was told. when the vibration hit my clit i almost came right then and there. Mistress then had me turn onto my side away from Her and i heard Her rummaging through Her toybox. i was into the glorious sensations on my clit when i heard a "whip" and felt the bullwhip sting on my ass. the feel of the whip with the sensations on my clit made me start tumbling into an orgasm. i asked Mistress if i could cum and She said i could cum whenever i wanted. She continued to whip my ass and my back. i kept cumming and each orgasm was more intense than the last. i few stings of the whip were a bit too painful but i never safeworded. Mistress sensed it and eased up a bit.

i heard the phone ring from where i was in subspace. Mistress told me not to make a sound as She answered the phone. it was a family member who needed us to help them with something. Mistress put the whip away and let me cum a few more times. i went and cleaned up and started to get dressed. i saw Mistress with the zip-ties. She proceeded to put a zip-tie really tight around my left nipple...and when i say tight...i mean TIGHT!!! Mistress then started laughing because my nipple started turning a deep purple immediately. She brought out the scissors and then after trying to cut the zip-tie off She said "here,you try to get it off i cant do it". i tried and couldnt. She then mentioned something about going to the emergency room. i started panicking and told Mistress i didnt want to go to the emergency room. i started crying "its going to fall off"

Mistress laughed and i then realized in my subspace haze that the whole thing was a joke. She snipped off the zip-tie and we finished getting ready and went to help our family member.

soooo.....how was your halloween???

beating me out of the blues

Mistress and i had some quality time today-She made sure of it. i had been feeling blue, out of it and found it hard to focus. it had been awhile since Mistress had inflicted delicious pain on me and i was needing it.Mistress had also been on edge as She hadnt been able to let off any steam by the same token.

we had our place to ourselves this afternoon-so Mistress gave me the look that it was time for me to get my beating. Mistress started out with punishing my ass by kicking it hard. Mistress knows i prefer my ass to be whipped but She will kick to make the pain more intense. She generally starts out slow but not today.i saw the look on Her face and knew She needed to beat me more than i needed Her to beat me. with the first kick i knew the pain was going to be intense. i was loving every minute of it. at first my ass was warm but then it grew hot. a few kicks caught me in the pussy by mistake. i gasped in surprise but then relished the pain that was making my juices start to flow. my ass was fire hot and i knew that there was going to be alot of bruises for awhile. i felt the endorphins start to kick in and was feeling all glowy.


Mistress then turned me around and pulled on my growing pubes. i thought maybe She had decided to just pull them all out to make my pussy bald again. a part of me was hoping not and a part of me was hoping She would. She let go and then proceeded to punch at my thighs. my ass was on fire and now my legs were being pummeled. the pain was almost unbearable but it was decadent.


Mistress then started on what i think is Her favorite-breast & nipple torture. i love it too. Mistress grabbed my left breast and twisted it hard while squeezing it. She does this thing where She will take a pinch of breast (or nipple) and put it between Her thumb and forefinger and tweak it really hard while squeezing as hard as She can. it feels like She is ripping a piece of flesh out of my breast (or nipple). that scares me which makes the pain more intense and heightens my enjoyment. Mistress let go of my boob and then grabbed at the nipple-first teasing it to make it rock hard and then pulling it while twisting it.


my vision started getting blurry and i was unaware of some of the things Mistress was doing to me. Mistress knew i was in subspace so She stopped and after we showered-we sat on our couch playing our favorite online games and watching some tv programs we like to watch. i thanked Mistress for my beating and She gave me a wierd smile. i asked Her "what?" and She didnt answer. i found out after a bit what She was smiling about. one thing She has been training me on is to not make a sound while i am being punished or disciplined. i guess a friend of mine had called when i was busy this morning and told Mistress she would call back at a specific time. Mistress didnt tell me but made sure i was home at that time.


my friend called when she said she would and so i began chatting with her and filling her in on what i have been up to. this friend of mine is very vanilla and doesnt know the full extent of Mistress's and my dynamic. Mistress knows this and so She knew this would be the perfect time to do what She had been training me to do. Mistress moved over closer to me on the couch when i was on the phone and laid Her hand across me and into my lap. i thought nothing of it and continued talking. next thing i knew-BAM-Mistress smacked Her hand into my breast and had a handful of it. She was squeezing it really hard and twisting it. i looked at Her and She mouthed to me to not make a sound and to talk to my friend. i did as i was told. Mistress let go and i thought She was done, but nope, She grabbed another handful and was twisting it all over the place. She did this several times and i did really good at not making any noise but talking to my friend. Mistress then grabbed again and dug Her nails into my nipple. i let out a "oooouuuccchhhiiieee mama". my friend asked "what?" and i told her the cat just scratched me. Mistress let out a chuckle and let go. just then a program was starting that Mistress and i love so i told my friend i had to let her go. Mistress and i watched our program and Mistress went to bed early because we have to leave before the crack of dawn to go out of town on business.


i am feeling alot better. my ass, thighs and tits are all bruised and marked. i love it when Mistress leaves marks on me. to me they are a token of my submissiveness to Mistress and a token of Her dominance to me. Mistress and i have been talking about the different titles in bdsm. i am Her submissive wife, Her property and Her slave as She has final say in everything. i only have say when She permits it. i do have equal say in our children and grandchildren because Mistress permits it. Mistress does not micromanage me and She loves that i am fiesty. i am only submissive to Her. i am respectful of other people but also independent and an alpha female. Mistress is one of but a few that have been able to quash the alpha in me-to top me and take my submissiveness from me. when i met Mistress i sensed in Her my dominant soulmate and She sensed in me Her submissive soulmate :)

i love you Mistress

my celebrity look-alikes

some of my readers have messaged me via fetlife and inquired on seeing pics of me. Mistress still restricts me from doing so. recently i ran across a website that compares your face photo(s) and the results come in percentages as to which celebrities the photo looks like. i compared several of mine and the top of the list always included thora birch, kimberly williams and missi pyle. Mistress thinks the thora birch is dead on of me when i was younger. She also says kimberly and missi do favor me in the face too. i didnt see it at first until i compared the photos and i do look alot like them. kinda wierd how the face i see every day is hard for me to see in the faces of others.

if i dont post before friday-i want to wish everyone a happy & safe halloween :)

7 random facts

while reading one of my favorite blogs-the author tagged all of her readers so here it goes:

* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.

1. i am a chocaholic-especially truffles, and only without nuts

2. i need coffee for my brain to function-and i mean STRONG coffee. (Mistress calls it mud)

3. my 2nd and 3rd toes are webbed together. it is congenital and hereditary.

4.i am a major germaphobe. i always use napkins to open doors and i sanitize the grocery cart i use to shop with. when i wash my hands Mistress says i look like a surgeon scrubbing in for surgery.

5. i am the black sheep of the family but the only one that still talks to every member of my family.

6. i was pooped on by a seagull flying overhead when i was 6 and ever since then i panic and cover my head when a bird flies over my head. Mistress gets a kick out of it :)

7. i think snakes & reptiles are cool but the site of a wild mouse/rat will have me climbing onto the tops of furniture.

if you read this and have a blog-consider yourself tagged :)

Mistress's inspirations from other blogs....

this past week Mistress indulged herself by reading some of the blogs that i read. on one particular blog She read that the m of that dynamic has forbidden the s from shaving anything at all. Mistress got Her evil smirk on Her face and said to me "you are not to touch a razor until I say so". i pleaded with Her to rethink it and She said to not say another word about it or the way She chooses to take the hair off will be more painful. i hate the feeling of hair. i am of sicilian descent so it doesnt take long at all for the hair to get long. i feel yucky, irritated and downright unsexy. i got snippy for a moment with Mistress in public the other day and when we got home She let me have it. She pinched, squeezed,punched & slapped me all over except my face. She almost pulled my left breast off when i touched Her out of reflex from the pain. Her eyes got really big and She said "what have I told you about touching Me?". the punishment went on for the better part of the day. Mistress let me take breaks to rehydrate myself and to use the bathroom. She let me know that She is displeased with me because i am not applying myself to be all that i can be. my bipolar and panic attacks have been effecting me and She is displeased i havent been eating enough from my anxiety or keeping my mouth in check when i am irritable from the bipolar. i am going in next week to get my meds re-evaluated and getting a complete physical which is way overdue. i hate doctors but Mistress insists i go and so i am.

anyhow-Mistress has also been looking at alot of bdsm equipment online and is now making some of them Herself. She already has home-made nipple clamps, restraints and a paddle. She also wants to make Her own leather whipping straps, floggers, canes and tack bra. i registered on the slave registry and Mistress and i are looking into getting our contract done and pick out a leash and collar for me. it will take awhile as Mistress hates rushing to do things when it comes to us. She likes us to take our time and enjoy each moment......so do i.

the tale of toys & the tidal wave

Mistress now has me off of orgasm denial :). She gave me permission to have toytime when She was out running errands on saturday. the children were gone so i had the whole place to myself. i was using the dolphin toy on my pussy and after i came a couple of times an idea hit me-"i wonder what it would feel like to use this and the vibrating egg on my pussy at the same time". now to remind you-Mistress did Her "tim the tool-man" routine on it and now has the wires safely spliced to a big plug for more power. the last few times the egg has been used on me i have squirted so i got out the usual towels W/we use to make cleaning up easier. i laid down on the towels and started with the dolphin toy again. it is my favorite as i know how & where to put it for maximum effect. the shaft part goes around and around so it stimulates my gspot just right. i was getting into it and started to feel an orgasm on the horizon. i plugged the egg in with my free hand and then applied it to my clit. oooooooh mmmmmmy goooooood. it felt so good that i felt myself instantly starting to cum. i didnt want to and held it off as much as i could. i pressed the egg harder into my clit so it would also vibrate into my gspot and i was rewarded with the exquisite sensation of needing to squirt. i let go and came and squirted like usual. while i was convulsing from cumming my thighs cramped together which pressed the dolphin toy & egg harder into me. i felt another orgasm hurdling at me like a freight train and i knew it was going to be a big one. i couldnt relax to get my legs open and my legs were to weak to stand up. all i could do was lay there. i held onto the bed so i wouldnt fall off (hate it when that happens). the orgasm hit and i felt my juices gushing onto my inner thighs. i just let it all out. as soon as that orgasm started to go away-another one was on its heels. with every orgasm i squirted more and more. all i could feel was the heavenly sensations in my pussy. i lost count of the orgasms and became unaware of my surroundings. i thought i was going to masturbate myself to death. is that possible? i could imagine the headline "nympho dies from masturbation". when i became aware of earth again i found that the batteries had died in the dolphin and the egg had somehow found its way away from my clit and onto the bed beside me. i was all tingly, glowing and really relaxed. i savored the moment for awhile to let the feelings come back to my body and limbs. then i started to feel wetness, underneath all of me, and it wasnt sweat. i thought maybe i had somehow knocked over my glass of water. however when i looked-the glass was still there with water in it. i sat up & looked and saw that the whole bed was soaked. oh shit-it wasnt water-it was my squirt juices. it was all over the bed, my legs and somehow some had even gotten onto the walls. i took a shower and stripped and made the bed. Mistress called while i was making it and She asked why i was changing sheets. i told her what i had done-She couldnt comment as She was on a bus. when She got home She looked at the sheets and said "looks like you had alot of fun". i told Her i had and thanked Her for allowing me to do it. thank you Mistress

???detachable nipples???

nice title-huh-well let me explain.

last monday night Mistress was doing more breast and nipple torture on me. She had punched, slapped and squeezed my tits all bruisy. it felt delicious and it made my pussy wet. to make me even wetter She started to squeeze and pinch my nipples. i had closed my eyes as She squeezed harder and harder. i felt the world start to melt away and was vaguely aware of my surroundings. Mistress tugged on a nipple which indicated to me to open my eyes. i looked down to see Her pulling to stretch out my right nipple and to twist it (like someone would twist a washcloth to wring out excess water). She twisted it as far as it would go. the pain was unbearable and i felt myself ready to cum. before i could ask for permission She started to pinch it really hard. i saw stars in my mind and felt my body turning to jelly. my pussy was quivering and the juices were running down my thighs. Mistress then twisted it harder while pinching it harder and my eyes almost popped out of my head. She realized i was in subspace and at my limit so She let go. i dropped onto my back on my side of the bed. apparently one of my knuckles lightly thumped the wall-however when i heard the sound the first thought that popped into my head was "did my nipple fall off"~trouble was...i said it out loud. Mistress started cracking up~She laughed so hard that tears were coming out of Her eyes. i didnt realize i had said it out loud~when i am in subspace my v-chip is disabled and i am unaware of what i say. She said She wished She had it on video so She could send it to an american funniest home porn show with the title "detachable nipples". She said i had the cutest serious face when i said it. its been almost a week and She is still walking by me and grabbing a pinch of nipple while walking away and saying "i need your nipple for awhile". will i ever live this down? has anyone else had an embarrassing moment during a scene?

Mistress also helped me break down and release alot of stuff this week. alot of things have been going on and i am the type that will deny how much it bothers me and keep busy doings things to avoid whats bothering me. alot of anger was building up and Mistress could sense it. She started to nitpick about things. She would ask me to do something and while i was doing it, She would ask me to do something else. then while doing the latter thing She would want to know why i wasnt doing the former. then when i would be trying to sleep She would knock on my forehead to wake me up. She also started to with-hold affection which She knows hurts my feelings and i get angry when my feelings are hurt. She kept this up for a few days-just mindfucking me. Mistress knows me better than i know myself and can get me to react just the way She wants me to. i finally reached my breaking point and became uber-bitch. She calls it "worse than a fighting pit bull mode" when i get that way. i got disrespectful and instead of ignoring me like She usually does-She got right in my face and scared me. i was backed into the cupboard and i asked Her to back up. She refused and kept telling me how pissed off She was. i got even more scared and then it happened-the dam broke and i just started crying. Mistress backed up and let me have my space. i cried hard for a few hours and felt alot better. i talked to Her about the things i had pented up. i know She would never abuse me. She just wanted to scare me to kick in my fight or flight response. i had no place to fly and i will never hit Mistress. She knew i would get scared which would help me move pass the anger and let things out.

now that that i feel better inside- i have the bug that is going around. i am sleeping on the couch-not as punishment but so Mistress wont get sick to just pass it back to me. She checks on me during the night and makes sure i push liquids and get alot of rest. wow-this thing turned into a book. well...the cough med is kicking in so i will bid y'all a good night :)

whips & clips

i wanted to peek in and say hi. Mistress has kept me busy with getting the house ready for colder weather. W/we have also been out of town alot handling family things. with everything going on the bdsm kinda went to nil with U/us. i am always Mistress's submissive but i started to miss O/our quality time. Mistress knows me like a book so on O/our way back into town-She stopped and bought a new bull whip for U/us to enjoy. She has already tested it out on my ass and it felt delicious. W/we were running errands today and Mistress bought a bulk set of alligator clips. the children are home this weekend so they will probably be used this next week.

well-Mistress is telling me its time to get off the net. i will update more at a later time.

the change of seasons

today is officially the first day of autumn and the weather has been fitting for the last few days. Mistress told me that i must go through the rest of O/our storage and get rid of everything W/we don't need. i have been doing this along with deep cleaning the house. it is the start of cold season which has kicked my OCD tendencies into high gear. it has also aggravated my rheumatoid arthritis so my joints are a bit stiff and sore. sometimes it takes me a bit more time to complete my duties but i get them done. i am soo lucky that Mistress understands this and knows i am doing the best that i can.

Mistress isnt ignoring me anymore. there is alot going on with the children so W/we didnt play this last weekend. i was read something on fetlife that rang true for me. M/s or D/s is not all about the physical aspect (play/sex). it is also about service and the intention of the heart. i love Mistress and i live to submit to Her will. i am just as happy submitting to Her torturing my tits as i am submitting to taking Her shoes off. my 24/7 submission to Her is from my heart, not just from the physical act of presenting my body for Her to punish.

tit torture & other training

with U/us now having more alone time~Mistress has decided to put me through more training. one afternoon i was restricted to the bathroom. She had me take my clothes off. She then handed me the egg and told me to go into O/our bathroom and apply it to my clit until She said to stop. She also said i could cum when & how many times i wanted to-i just had to not make a sound while doing it. i also had to sit on the closed toilet seat and not fall off or move it in any way. O/our toilet seat pops off if there is a draft so i knew i wouldnt be able to move a hair. i went into the bathroom and sat, turned on the egg and put it to my clit. it felt really good but i wasnt able to really get into it because i was being careful to not make a sound or move. i started to feel myself cum so i braced my feet to the floor so i wouldnt move. i also put my free hand over my mouth so i wouldnt make a sound. i came and peaked out the door to Mistress to see if i was finished. She motioned for me to shut the door which meant i wasnt. i came 5 more times and with each one it grew harder and harder to not move or make a sound. Mistress was pleased with me and allowed me to play my favorite computer games :) thank you Mistress.

a couple days after that W/we were going through storage boxes and Mistress found an old motor for a battery charger. She got this evil grin on Her face and told me to bring Her the egg.

i brought it to Her and She had me sit down to watch Her splice the wires to the egg to the motor. She then handed it to me and told me to go try it out in the bathroom. i didnt have to stay in there. She just wanted me to put it on my clit, turn it on and come report to Her how it felt. i went into the bathroom,pulled off my pants & panties and turned the egg on. it vibrated my whole hand. i knew not to hesitate in doing as i was told so i put it up to my clit. my clit went "schwing" and my mind went "holy shit". i took it off, turned it off and put my pants and panties back on. i went back to Mistress and told Her how it felt. She smiled and had me put it back up.

W/we continued going through things and Mistress found a set of medical clamps. where She got them-i haven't a clue-but there they were. She came over and sat next to me. She grabbed my right breast and put the clamp on there. the pain was delicious. She twisted the clamp clockwise and counterclockwise and i felt my pussy getting wet. She unclamped it and reclamped it on another part of that tit. She repeated twisting it back & forth and i moaned in pleasure. She then grabbed at my nipple and tweaked it to make it hard. She took the clamp and clamped it to my nipple. the pain was almost unbearable. She then grabbed a rubber band and applied it to the clamp handle so She didnt have to keep Her hand on it. She told me not to move and kept it there for awhile. it was an intense mix of pleasure and pain. it was one of those "hurt so good" moments. She undid the rubber band and unclamped the clamp real fast. the pain always hurts worse on my tits when things are taken off than when they are put on. She then started tweaking the left nipple and put the clamp on. She didnt apply the rubberband but repeated the twisting and pulled on the nipple some. i almost came from the pain but i didnt since Mistress didnt give me permission. She kept twisting & pulling and it felt like She was going to pull my nipple off. logically i know that would never happen but it felt like it. when She took the clamp off my nipple looked mutated. i had marks all over my right breast with that nipple bruised and my left nipple was also bruised. Mistress had me lay down on my stomach to keep the nerves stimulated and hurting. She asked if i was wet and i said yes. after the pain subsided She let me sit up.

She asked if they still hurt and i said yes. She said she could take my mind off of my tits and proceeded to snap the bottoms of my feet with the rubberband. it was stinging like hell but i enjoyed it and it definitely took my mind off of my tits.Mistress then told me to get something off of the floor by the bottom of O/our bed. i laid down to get it and immediately felt a "swack" on my ass. i looked at Mistress and She had a hairbrush in Her hand that She was spanking me with. She spanked me a few times with the flat side. She then looked at the brush, turned it over and spanked me with the bristles side. the bristles made my ass sting. Mistress was spanking me in the same spot over & over. i looked at Her and told Her it was getting numb. She didnt like how i said it and got really angry with me. She said that making it numb was what She was going for and She didnt like me complaining about it. i tried to explain to Her that i was just trying to inform Her and wasnt complaining. She didnt want to hear it and told me the discussion was over. She told me W/we will talk about it again when She decides to-which is ok with me. She is the one in charge. i shouldve not have opened my mouth and let Her do what She was doing. i shouldve of waited for Her to ask me for my input. i know i am in trouble and Mistress is displeased with me. i am soo sorry Mistress :( i wasnt allowed to sleep in bed with Her that night after i was banished to the back porch for awhile. She was ignoring me for a couple days but now She is talking to me more. She knows that i hate being ignored-i would rather be whipped harshly. i have learned my lesson and still submitting to Her.

Has anyone else had their dom ignore them as punishment?