a case of the blues

for some reason this year i am not really in the christmas spirit. i am usually in the spirit right after halloween but this year i feel indifferent. to be quiet honest i have been indifferent about alot of things. my libido is down (a rarity) and i have been moody, as in i am easily moved to tears. i think i have shared before that i am bipolar-i religiously take my meds and get enough sleep & eat as healthy as i can. i have just fell into an abyss over the last few weeks. i am calling tomorrow to make an appointment to see if i need an adjustment in my meds.

Mistress has been real patient with my crying. i wont go into details of the discussion-but She calmed my fear that She doesnt see me as an emotional burden and is not leaving. i am keeping up with my duties and i am allowed more free time to recharge myself. Mistress decided we are staying home for christmas and wont have other people over. i am soo grateful to Mistress for that. all of our christmas shopping is done. i have more to write about on other things but it is time to go watch a movie with Mistress.

later taters!!!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

wow-this month has gone by fast.

i wanted to peek in and wish everyone a happy thanksgiving. this year we are going to be gone at our son's house. his wife is doing the majority of the cooking and i am making my famous fudge. Mistress is hopefully making Her home-made stuffing-i loooooove it, it's in its own food group :)

with us getting ready for the holidays and other things-Mistress and i havent had alot of quality time. She mentioned that we are going shopping for something on friday and She refuses to tell me what it is. the suspense is killing me......

since both of our birthdays are in april Mistress wants to collar me then. She was inspired by a comment on this blog to get a collar that She can zap me with to correct me. i am still on razor restriction and feel like i am smuggling toupee's under my arms and a wig in my crotch. i have commented to Mistress my discomfort and She will get an evil smirk on Her face and reply "sucks to be you". She is right.

i found my cell phone...it was in a box under alot of books. i havent any idea how it got there. Mistress is still getting the g1 phone-after the holidays. She is definitely a technophile.

i hope everyone has a safe holiday !!!

the mystery of the cell phone....

after tearing my house apart and putting it back together-my beloved cell is nowhere to be found. i called around to the places we patronized and no one turned it in . Mistress called and shut it off and we are getting Mistress the new G1 and i am getting Her cell to use.

Mistress may have broke Her toe on our bedframe yesterday :(. She is staying off of it as much as She will. i have a previous commitment (a memorial service for a friend) or i would stay home with Her. She insists i go so i am.

a little update & mild rant...

not feeling really in the mood to blog so much. not sure if its the weather, the bug going around the house or the fact that my rheumatoid arthritis is back with a vengeance. my laptop still is in the shop so i only have privacy in the early morning to blog, read other bdsm blogs or go on any of the bdsm sites i frequent. i am trying to comment on other blogs more after my morning coffee.

i have been busy around the house getting it spring cleaned for the holidays. the ra has slowed me down a little and i get tired alot. i have also been forgetting alot-lost my cell phone in the house and it must be dead because when i called it-i dont hear a ring. my mission today is to find the thing.

Mistress has been really patient due to the ra....although something last night bugged me. i was deep frying some hashbrown patties for Her. my hands were stiff and was having problems grasping the patties with the tongs. Mistress told me She would do it...i started to insist i could do it and then She gave me "that look" so i handed over the tongs. i hate it that i am not up to par. Mistress still corrects me when She senses an attitude in my voice but She is treating me with kid gloves when it comes to domestic service when the ra is restricting my movements. i still insist on putting Her shoes on & taking them off...even though it takes me more effort to get up off the floor afterwards.

i am calling to get a new doctor tomorrow. my current/soon to be former doc is a quack. he states that even though my records say that i have had ra since i was young and my blood work says i have it (the numbers on my bloodwork are high but he says not high enough for me to see a specialist) any complaint that i have...he diagnoses it to me getting older (i am 38) and that i am overweight (i have lost 100 lbs in the last 18 mos. and the pain is worse now than ever). sorry about the rant...

anyhooo....hopefully soon my laptop will be fixed and i will have better medical care so i can be the bestest slave i can be.

vibrations!!!

thursday while running errands Mistress surprised me by having us go into an adult toy store. She said She was getting us something to celebrate the day in november a few years ago that we began dating. after looking around She decided on getting a wireless remote vibrating egg. i was thrilled and couldnt wait to try it out. after we got home Mistress put the batteries in and had me put it in. it felt really nice :) the remote allows Her to not only control the strength but also the type of vibrations. it was right against my g-spot and Mistress enjoyed seeing me in pleasure. however when i felt the wave of orgasm start-Mistress would turn it down. She had it turned all the way up a few times and i could feel the vibrations up into my skull. She told me to keep it in but She was going to give the batteries a rest. we began reading and everytime i was really into my book She would hit the remote to make me squirm and/or jump. my book almost went flying into the wall a few times. Mistress still refused to allow me to cum. as it got closer to our bedtime i asked Mistress if i could take it out and She said no. i kept it in and went to sleep. next thing i know i am being jarred awake by my pussy vibrating. Mistress is a light sleeper and everytime Her eyes opened She would hit the remote. once i jumped so far i bumped my head on the wall. needless to say i did not get that much sleep. Mistress was having aloooot of fun making me jump. next She wants me to wear it in public...i am mixed with anticipation and eagerness. i love how it feels. however it is going to be difficult for me to not let on what is going on. Mistress also informed me that soon we are going to begin on ass training. not for my pleasure -but for the humiliation of punishment.

we did try out the tens unit. Mistress put it on my flesh-the setting She had it on was too strong. Mistress has been trying to figure out why the settings are off. She is going to have it checked out before She tries it on my pussy. i am still on razor/veet restriction and i am worried about burning my pubes off. i do miss being bare but would rather look like chewbacca then to have my pussy burnt. Mistress loves that i am humiliated to be hairy.

Mistress also had fun putting green & red clothes clips on me. She had them all over my tits. She took Her time putting them on and had fun making different designs. i loved the pain. i dont know what it is but tit pain gives me micro-orgasms. all Mistress has to say is "give me your tits now" and my pussy gets all wet. She also bought a spatula with holes in it from the dollar store and used that on my ass & tits. it made pretty marks and bruises. the dollar store is a delight for the sadist in Mistress....also for the masochist in me.

my laptop croaked so now we are down to just the desktop until the laptop is fixed. i can't wait. this desktop is an antique. that is why this post is short. i want to get it posted before this damn thing freezes up. i will elaborate more on things when we get the laptop back.

everyone take care, stay warm and safe :)

tens unit???

Mistress got me up bright and early the other morning and told me to get dressed because we were going out for a walk and a light breakfast. all was going well until the bus was late and i started feeling grumpy from the lack of my usual couple cups of espresso strong coffee first thing in the morning. Mistress asked what was wrong and in my caffeine deprived haze-i got mouthy and told Her exactly what was wrong. She wasnt amuzed to say the least with my attitude. She asked me rhetorically why i had forgotten my place. i tried explaining to Her that She knows i am grumpy before my coffee. i was confused and asked Her why i was in trouble since She has overlooked it before. She explained to me She overlooks it when we are at home but i know the rule of always being respectful when we are out in public. i knew i was in the wrong and apologized. She informed me that i was going to be punished after She thought about it. i let it go and we went out to breakfast. we then went to the dollar store where Mistress picked out rope, plastic red & blue clothes clips. She was looking at the spatulas for awhile but commented to me that we had enough at home and She still wanted to work in the whip on me. i kept envisioning myself being bound, clipped and whipped for the better part of the day. needless to say i was not looking forward to going home.

we finally made it home and Mistress had the look in Her eye that let me know that the time to be punished was near. the phone rang and i heard our teen answer it-she then came and knocked on our door and let us know that her bff had arrived in town early and they were wondering if she could come over a day early to visit for a week. we said ok and Mistress told me that i was basically saved from what She had in mind due to us having company but that She would figure out another way to punish me that was more discreet. She let me know later that evening that before we took off the next morning-She was going to put enhancement gel all over my clit and pussy for me to wear while we were out. i did a mini-laugh until i saw the look in Her eye and i realized She was serious. i got a bit angry at Her for being soo devious and clever. it is very hard for me to keep a straight face and not make a sound when i am aroused. i didnt sleep that good from staying up and strategizing on how i could be oblivious to the gel and not let on to anyone that i was aroused. Mistress also let me know that this punishment did not absolve me from being bound, clipped and whipped. that would happen after our company was gone.

the next morning Mistress put the gel on and i felt it tingle. Mistress told me to get dressed and get ready to go. i was mentally trying to ignore the sensations until we were outside and the wind gusted through me. the second the wind hit my crotch-my clit went "schwing" and my legs started turning to rubber. Mistress asked me what was wrong with a smirk on Her face. i whispered to Her that i just needed a moment. She denied my request and told me to start walking. i did as i was told. i made it through out the morning and afternoon ok. Mistress cracked up when She saw that i was so aroused that i had a wet spot in my pants. Mistress received a package that was a tens unit. She informed me that She is going to try it out on my pussy at Her discretion. i am a bit nervous about it. She has experience with them but i dont. does anyone have experience with them?