an aching back and aching for play

i went to the doctors and found out i severely strained the muscles in my lower back. Mistress has put me on light duty. i appreciate it but it also bugs the hell out of me that i am unable to do all of my duties. i am on a muscle relaxant and pain reliever and my back is feeling better. i am only taking the meds at night now...i hate feeling doped up during the day.

we are now in another state living in a huge house. the house owner is an old friend of mine who lives in the garage that was made into an apartment. we had to put our calico cat down. we found out she had cancer that had spread everywhere. we miss her but know she is at peace and out of pain. we now have a boxer/bulldog mix that my friend found. he is a moose and a character. he has taken a liking to Mistress.

with all of the packing and moving...Mistress and i havent had alot of private time. instead of a few hours at a time...we have moments that Mistress will torture my tits or spank my ass. She made a home-made flogger out of 1/4 inch rope that She put knots in at the end. She introduced me to it by smacking me with it really hard out of the blue. it scared the shit out of me-i thought something had bit me. Mistress giggled and promised that if i didnt behave i would be getting more of it. the next day is when my back went out. i was bending over to move a backpack off of a box i wanted to bring into the house...i felt a sharp pain in my back that went down into my legs. i fell over and laid there trying to get the pain under enough control that i could stand up. Mistress heard me cry out and came over and asked what was wrong. i told Her and She giggled at the sight of me trying to get up into the chair. i still went through things...i was determined to work through the pain. the next day when She saw that i was having problems just trying to sit on the toilet...She told me to go to the doctor. She said if i didnt go She would take my mind off of my back pain by making something else on my body hurt alot worse.

today i am doing laundry and moving the things in our room around to move the bed. its by a window which is putting a cold draft onto Mistress. my friend noticed that i do alot of the housework and inquired on why my wife doesnt do some of it. i told her that is between my wife and i and that is what i want to do. i may explain to her later Mistress's and my dynamic but at this time i am not really in the mood to explain it.

i hope that Mistress and i have more private time soon. She needs it and so do i.

my resolutions...

i have been thinking alot on what i want to work on this year and have come up with the following:

my domestic service to Mistress~ my submissiveness has been off balance lately in that most of it has just been sexually. i want to do more for Mistress domestically. i keep the house up and do most of the cooking. i want to expand on my cooking and decorating. Mistress appreciates everything i do around the house already~i just want to do more because She deserves for me to be the best all around slave i can be. i have signed up on the flylady site and looking on the internet for different recipes Mistress will like that wont aggravate Her acid reflux.

my patience with myself~i am my hardest critic and want to work on that. if Mistress is happy then i need not fret about if i am lacking in my being Her slave. when i stress then Mistress stresses and thats not good for either one of us. what has been helping me lately is reading alot in the book "don't sweat the small stuff".

my smoking~i am down to half a pack a day at most. my smoking aggravates my asthma but when i dont smoke my anxiety goes up. it is a catch 22 and i am taking it one day at a time. i only smoke when i really, really need it and never smoke more than half a cigarette at a time.

my caffeine consumption~i was drinking at least 2 pots a day of really strong coffee (Mistress calls it mud). i want to cut down because caffeine can inhibit the body from absorbing calcium and i need all that i can get (osteoporosis runs rampant in my family on both sides)i am now down to a pot a day. the coffee helps with my asthma and the aches from my arthritis.

my education~i am going back to college next week so that is covered.

i wanted to work on my weight but Mistress told me that i look fine to Her. She likes me with some meat on my bones. i am a bbw blessed with big bosoms. i am still losing weight slowly from eating better and taking more walks. Mistress doesnt mind that some weight is coming off She doesnt want it coming off too fast or me stressing on the numbers.

that about covers it.

it is snowing again and Mistress and i have to go run errands~what joy!!!

going to be careful for what i wish for....

i am going to start being more careful for what i wish for. i wanted a white christmas and its been snowing for the last week. Mistress and i had to go to our son's house to watch the grandkids while him and his wife did the last of their christmas shopping. we only meant to be there a few hours and ended up staying a few days. the blizzard that was supposed to hit saturday hit our area on friday. it finally started letting up yesterday (or so we thought) so we started to make our way home. halfway home while waiting for a bus~another storm hit. it took us 7 hours to get home~it usually only takes 45 mins and that includes all the walking and the bus rides. the snow is up almost to my knee. Mistress made it easier for me to walk by walking in front and having me step into Her prints. She would stop every 20 feet or so to look back and make sure i hadnt fallen. we were exhausted when we got home and went to bed early.

we have been too tired and busy to play and we both need it. today we are staying inside spending time with the kids and watching movies. i have a few books i am going to read. i am eager for Mistress to inflict pain on me. i am not sure what i need more-the ecstasy of pain or the ecstasy of cumming. i am trying to keep a good attitude. i woke up this morning and made Mistress a plate of crepe's and selected out some of Her favorite movies to watch. laundry is being done and the house is clean.

i was sad to read that caitlin passed away. i read her blog from time to time and was touched by her writings. reading the post by her master brought tears to my eyes. i don't even want to think about life without Mistress.

the change of seasons

today is officially the first day of autumn and the weather has been fitting for the last few days. Mistress told me that i must go through the rest of O/our storage and get rid of everything W/we don't need. i have been doing this along with deep cleaning the house. it is the start of cold season which has kicked my OCD tendencies into high gear. it has also aggravated my rheumatoid arthritis so my joints are a bit stiff and sore. sometimes it takes me a bit more time to complete my duties but i get them done. i am soo lucky that Mistress understands this and knows i am doing the best that i can.

Mistress isnt ignoring me anymore. there is alot going on with the children so W/we didnt play this last weekend. i was read something on fetlife that rang true for me. M/s or D/s is not all about the physical aspect (play/sex). it is also about service and the intention of the heart. i love Mistress and i live to submit to Her will. i am just as happy submitting to Her torturing my tits as i am submitting to taking Her shoes off. my 24/7 submission to Her is from my heart, not just from the physical act of presenting my body for Her to punish.

routine on the homefront....

the children started back to school and i have been fall cleaning the house...cleaning it as much as i can when W/we are at home. my typical day is as follows:

5:30 am. i get up to walk the dog and start my coffee. i start the dishwasher from the night before.i do my morning checking & responding of personal email and then do some work on the computer for the organizations i work for...during which i drink a few cups of my strong coffee. the oldest child is generally up getting ready for school and we discuss what activities she has going on that day. she leaves at 6:45ish.

7 am. i get youngest up for school and while she is getting ready i finish up any computer work. i empty the dishwasher & discuss with youngest any activities she has going on that day. i feed her breakfast and she goes out to the bus at 7:45ish. i watch her from the window as the bus stop is right in front of our place. she is at the age now where she is wanting to be independent enough to stand by herself to talk with all of her friends but still see me looking from the window.

depending on what time W/we have to be somewhere-i wake up Mistress about an hour before W/we have to leave. i ask Her if She is in the mood for breakfast and if so-ask Her what She wants and i make it for Her. i serve Her in front of Her laptop while She is doing Her morning routine. i eat beside Her while also doing more computer work. W/we also chat about what W/we have to do that day. when Mistress is done-She hands me Her plate and i put dishes into the dishwasher . i walk the dog again.

W/we do our daily errands. when W/we get home, i ask Mistress if She is hungry and if She is i make Her something to eat. i will make me something also if i am hungry. Mistress eats lunch with a dr. pepper and i eat mine with a diet pepsi. when Mistress is done She hands me Her plate and i put the dishes in the dishwasher. Mistress then either relaxes while watching tv or takes a nap. it is generally during this time that Mistress will punish me for any infractions. if i am not to be punished then i use this time to clean up around the house. each day i focus on a specific room to deep clean. i walk the dog again.

2:30 the children get home from school and it is homework time. the youngest will read to one of us for 15-20 minutes and practice her writing for 15 minutes.

4:00 the oldest will have her computer time while the youngest goes outside to play. Mistress keeps an eye on her while i vacuum the entire house. She will also walk the dog with the youngest.

5:00 i start dinner and all daily chores are to be done. while dinner is cooking i check my computer to see if i need to do any work at that time.

6:00 dinner. during dinner we talk with the children about what went on that day and other things.

6:45 everyone is done by now. i clear the table, load up the dishes into the dishwasher and get it ready to start later.i also wipe down the entire kitchen with disinfectant wipes.

7:00 Mistress and i take O/our showers while the youngest has her computer time.

8:30 the youngest will take her shower and get ready for bed.

8:45ish i walk the dog again. when i get back in Mistress will turn down the house.

9:00 the youngest goes to bed and Mistress and i retire to bed with O/our door shut. W/we have a dry eraser board on O/our door so if the children want U/us to know something that is not 911 vital-they can write it on there for U/us to read later. W/we have the same thing on the fridge to leave messages for the children if W/we dont expect to be home when they return from school.

W/we do as Mistress wishes. wether it be play, internet surfing, watching a movie or whatever.

so that is my typical day. sometimes life happens & the routine goes out the window. even then the central focus of anything to me is Mistress and the children.

i havent had any infractions so i am really proud to not have displeased Mistress in any way :)

the other side of the coin is that there has been so much going on that W/we both have been too tired to play. i am not stressed about it. now dont get me wrong-i love it when Mistress ravages me. however there is more to O/our marriage that hot sex. i know once things settle down....Mistress will have me begging for mercy...not that She'd give in to me begging. the sex isnt over until She says its over....no complaints from me :)

submissive~service & masochist

i am feeling better now and getting back into my full routine. i felt bad earlier today because i had let a couple of my duties go to the wayside when i was sick. Mistress doesnt like me to stress but it was hard. i felt panicky because i was worried that i wasnt being "submissive" enough. being a submissive is more than just enjoying kinky hot monkey sex. i live to submit to Mistress's will. i live to wait on Her hand & foot. to fulfill Her every desire and pleasure. i was net surfing and saw a statement that really stuck out to me

" its not the action but the attitude".

it made sense to me. even if i finished everything Mistress told me-if i did it with a bad attitude then it would be displeasing to Mistress because of my attitude. even when She isnt in the mood for training-She is still Mistress because of Her air of dominance.

She fulfills the masochist part of me by inflicting pain that brings me pleasure. She knows just what parts to hit at the most delicious times. when She is punishing me, the pain is unbearable but what hurts worst is Her being displeased with me.

i am eager for the children to begin back to school so W/we can have more quality Mistress/ submissive time. W/we are done with summer company and need to have alone time to do as Mistress wishes. lock the doors and connect with each other on that level. just a little over a week more and the kiddies will be gone most days :).

W/we are still planning to move but are now weighing the pros and cons on each place W/we are thinking to move to. with the beginning of school and....and....the holidays just a few months down the road W/we dont want to jump before really thinking about it. the final decision is Mistress's of course but She is asking my opinions on everything.

tonight i am cutting Mistress's hair and then W/we are secluding O/ourselves to O/our room. i am not sure what Mistress has in mind. i havent done anything to cause an infraction so i am pretty sure i am not going to be punished.

will let You know if there is anything to share from tonight.