Craving calgon......

It was our youngest daughter's birthday party today. I am exhausted from deep cleaning the house, cooking and getting everything ready. We had a house full and everyone had a great time. When everyone left I found out our bathroom is clogged up again. I called Mistress (She is out taking our oldest grandson home) and She said She would handle it when She gets back home. This sucks because I was sooo looking forward to taking a hot bubble bath to relax from today. Mistress is tired too and said we are going to bed early tonight. I hope She can fix the bathroom easily so we can clean up without having to go over to our oldest daughter's house.

Our company was gone last night and we made the most of it. We continued from the other night by taking our time making love. When we were finished we fell asleep in each other's arms. I have mixed feelings about sharing those kind of moments on this blog. I dont mind sharing the details of my punishments but some things are sacred and I want to keep those between Mistress and I. Mistress just called and is on Her way home. I am going to go greet Her at the door.

-Bella

Happy Martin Luther King Day everyone

We are having a family day and watching his speech on youtube.


Be safe everyone


-Bella

goodbye....

my wife and i have split up. i doubt we will be able to get back together. i will keep this blog up for the time being even though i wont be posting anything new. i have been thinking about starting another blog about my new life and adventures....blogging is somewhat addictive and i want to keep up on my favorite blogs too.

just peeking in....

we are now moved...we ended up moving out of state into a house. good & bad things have happened...i will elaborate later.

Mistress and i are safe as are the kids. i threw my back out lifting things so Mistress has ordered me to go see a doctor.

i will update more later and catch up on reading and commenting on other blogs.

cats are driving this puppy insane....

we are moving tomorrow. everything is packed and we have the reinforcements lined up to get us out of here pronto. we are moving out to the country. the place is a bit smaller but has a bigger yard and a big huge storage unit for our camping gear. there is also a horse ranch across the way. Mistress said we are going to look into horse riding lessons our youngest. there is also a playground and a big field for our youngest to practice soccer in.

i am feeling a bit relieved to be out of here. the animals have been on edge. the cats think the stacks of boxes are for only their amusement. the tabby is lil miss evil knievel in that she will get on top of one stack and jump onto a stack across the room. most of the time she makes it...i almost have cardiac arrest when she crashes to the floor. i dont know if its because of her youth, that she gets bored easily or that she is in heat. she has it bad-she has even tried to mate with Mistress's steel toe boots.

i was touched today when Mistress and i were going through things and i came across some old letters i had written Her ages ago. i never knew She had them. come to find out She always carries them in Her leather jacket by Her heart but had taken them out when we took it into be professionally cleaned. Her and i have been running on fumes and have been a bit testy at times with each other. i have been doing most of the packing and Mistress showed Her appreciation this afternoon before the kids got home from school. She pinned me to the bed and proceeded to flog my tits. She forbid me from cumming. She had to leave and said we would finish later. She told me once we are moved and settled~we are going to have a few days kid free to do as She wishes.

well...need to get back to the last minute packing.

Martin Luther King Day

the kids are home today so we are having a family day. the youngest was talking to me about reading on martin luther king in school. she mentioned that she didnt understand prejudice. i went to explain it to her but she said "mommy,i know what it is i just dont understand how people can hate like that. why cant people love with their hearts and not hate with their stupidity".

out of the mouth of babes :)

cleaning & changes....

i am going to be cleaning & revamping my blog over the next couple of weeks. i am changing some of the music, maybe the layout and skimming down the bloglist. there are some blogs that have gone dormant that will be taken off to make room for blogs that are more active.

Mistress has also told me to simplify my life. with school and everything else going on-my insomnia is back. i have tried to be super-slave while also trying to be super-mom, super-grandma, and super-friend. Mistress and i talked about it. She was blunt in telling me that it is impossible for me to take care of everyone and everything all of the time. i am to do my duties and take care of Her and me. whatever other people(kids/grandkids/friends) can do for themselves-so be it. i was soo stressed about shit that it was toxic to me, my ability to be Mistress's slave and Hers and my marriage. She knows me soo well that She knew long ago what was going on with me...while i hadn't a clue. i asked Her why She didnt tell me. She said it was because i would've scoffed at the idea and i would've been even more adamant at running myself ragged. She allowed me to get far enough to the end of my rope to listen to Her. She knows me better than i know myself. i am stubborn in that i am always insisting on helping others while refusing help from others. Mistress has set the limit for me that i am to only to do my duties and what other things She tells me and then take time for myself each day. it will be different but i trust Mistress that this is what is best for me and our marriage. Her and i are forever so what matters most is what is the healthiest thing for us.

well...it's almost 3 in the morning and i need to try to get some more sleep to get up for school.

sorry....

i have been so busy with the start of school and doing my duties for Mistress (Her back is out) that i completely forgot about doing my t.m.i. tuesday yesterday. i will make up for it by doing two of them next tuesday (a two for tuesday special :) )

i think Mistress threw Her back out when we were playing...but more about that later.

i gotta head out the door to get to school...hopefully i will be able to update y'all tomorrow on everything that has been happening.

some q&a of my year

it is snowing outside again~hopefully it will stop so there is school tomorrow. Mistress is teen sitting again. a friend of mine sent me this meme on a vanilla site and i thought i would post it here and elaborate where my being slave applies.

if you are reading this~feel free to use it on your blog. just leave me a note in a comment so i can check your answers out.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

experienced breath play & tens unit with Mistress.i also cleaned out and carved a pumpkin~i know that may not seem like a big deal but the smell of pumpkin guts makes me very queasy.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

for the most part i did and yes i have made a few for 2009.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

our daughter in-law had our grand-daughter :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?

my grand-father, a close friend and one of our iguanas :(

5. What countries did you visit?

none this year. need to get my passport for our summer trip to canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

more patience with myself and not being over-analytical about things. since Mistress is happy with me as Her slave then i need to relax and not worry about it.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

may 26th~the birth of our grand-daughter

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

having a better handle on my panic attacks so i can go back to school. i also now make Mistress approved crepes for Her.

9. What was your biggest failure?

not quitting smoking entirely

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

just the normal colds & flu's i get every year. i got whiplash tripping over a cat and took a fall down the stairs thanks to my dog pulling too hard on the leash.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

a digital camera/video cam that i am filling up with pics/vids of everything.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

our oldest daughter's~she has really matured in the last year.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

ignorant family members who treat me as a pariah because i am gay.

14. Where did most of your money go?

bills,food and the kids/grandkids.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

signing up to go back to school and Mistress talking of collaring me this april.

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

i am happier,thinner and poorer,

17. What do you wish you’d done more of?

camping out more with family and having more private moments with Mistress

18. What do you wish you’d done less of?

over-analyzing things

19. How did you spend Christmas?

spent it at home with Mistress and the children.

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?

yes~i fall in love with Mistress more and more everyday.

21. What was your favorite TV program?

i love lucy,absolutely fabulous,coupling, keeping up appearances, csi,bones, dexter and red green and red dwarf

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

i really don't hate anyone.

23. What was the best book you read?

river running red by anne rule. she shared more information about the victims of the grk and didnt dwell on glr.

24. What did you want and get?

i wanted to deepen my submission to Mistress and She has given me patience and support.

25. What did you want and not get?

to get a house in the country~that fell through.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?

shutter

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

i had some private time with Mistress after She took me out to a romantic dinner and scary movie. i turned 38.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

to be able to move out of this neighborhood.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

during the day i dress casually and at night i wear what is appropriate for what Mistress wants to do.

30. What kept you sane?

i do alot of reading and take alot of walks with Mistress. Mistress also buys me alot of things for the bath so i can relax in a hot bath of bubbles when everyone is out of the house :)

31. What political issue stirred you the most?

same-sex marriage legislation

32. Who did you miss?

my nana

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

don't sweat the small stuff

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

i just wanted to peek in and wish everyone a "happy new year" from Mistress and i.

we are going to our son's house tonight to watch movies,play the xbox360 and watch 2009 come in together.

an update...

Mistress and i are almost back to normal~"our normal". we had a looong talk and laid all of our cards out on the table. i have been on orgasm restriction on top of trying to quit smoking and cutting down my caffeine consumption on top of the stress of the holidays. i felt like a time bomb ready to explode. Mistress has been having migraines-they are worse than what She had told me (She didn't want me worrying) so She hadn't been in the mood to play. i took Her not being interested personally and thought She wasn't happy with me as Her slave. during our talk She made it clear that if She wasnt happy with me~She would've released me and moved out. She hadn't been punishing me as much because of Her migraines. She didn't want to lose control and hurt me out of Her frustration of always being in pain.


we are now slowly beginning to play again and Mistress has been inflicting pain on me. i will elaborate on that in a later post. this morning i am a happy slave. Mistress and i are communicating and our marriage is better than it has been in awhile. the snow has melted all away with the confusion in our relationship. the children are still home on winter break and we are doing alot of family things together. Mistress is going back to "teen" sit for our friend for a few weeks after winter break. She will be here during school hours but will be spending nights there to make sure the teens don't destroy their house.


for new year's eve we are staying home with the kids~Mistress and the kids are going to be killing demons and zombies on the xbox360 while i make goodies to eat.


life is good now and i know 2009 is going to be even better :)

stuffed like a turkey!!!

we had our christmas feast last night. i ate waaay too much and went into a turkey coma for the night. today we are staying home~playing the new xbox360 and waiting for the next storm to hit. i am going to curl up on the couch to read while watching Mistress kick ass on the game She is playing.

i have come across some new blogs and will be adding those to my blog list as time allows. the children are home for vacation so alot of my reading/posting is done late at night/early in the morning. the children are busy with what they got for christmas so i have some privacy.

i am still on orgasm restriction and its starting to get to me. my frustration level is down and i find myself biting my tongue alot with everyone. Mistress said She is thinking about me having toytime-it depends on my attitude.

well-time to refill my coffee and snuggle in again into my blanket. life is good today :)

Merry Christmas!!!

i am posting twice today since i am going to start cooking things for Christmas dinner this afternoon and wont be done until it is served.

i just wanted to wish everyone a

Merry Christmas!!!

t.m.i. tuesday

i am using this from luna's blog (http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/). i am still trying to figure out how to attach the link to her name-anybody know how???

1. What do present do you hope ends up under you tree? Mistress and i to have some alone time so we can do as Mistress wishes.
2. What present are you most psyched about giving (PLEASE be vague or ignore this question if the recipient reads your blog)? i already gave my present to Mistress~an xbox360.
3. DO you prefer to give or receive? i love to give :)
4. What is your favorite part off a sexual partner’s body? if i had to pick just one part it would be Mistress's mouth. Her kisses take my breath away
5. What is your favorite part your body - the one you hope a sexual partner will find or pay the most attention to? my breasts-they are very errogenous and Mistress pays plenty of attention to them :)

going to be careful for what i wish for....

i am going to start being more careful for what i wish for. i wanted a white christmas and its been snowing for the last week. Mistress and i had to go to our son's house to watch the grandkids while him and his wife did the last of their christmas shopping. we only meant to be there a few hours and ended up staying a few days. the blizzard that was supposed to hit saturday hit our area on friday. it finally started letting up yesterday (or so we thought) so we started to make our way home. halfway home while waiting for a bus~another storm hit. it took us 7 hours to get home~it usually only takes 45 mins and that includes all the walking and the bus rides. the snow is up almost to my knee. Mistress made it easier for me to walk by walking in front and having me step into Her prints. She would stop every 20 feet or so to look back and make sure i hadnt fallen. we were exhausted when we got home and went to bed early.

we have been too tired and busy to play and we both need it. today we are staying inside spending time with the kids and watching movies. i have a few books i am going to read. i am eager for Mistress to inflict pain on me. i am not sure what i need more-the ecstasy of pain or the ecstasy of cumming. i am trying to keep a good attitude. i woke up this morning and made Mistress a plate of crepe's and selected out some of Her favorite movies to watch. laundry is being done and the house is clean.

i was sad to read that caitlin passed away. i read her blog from time to time and was touched by her writings. reading the post by her master brought tears to my eyes. i don't even want to think about life without Mistress.

Mistress comes home today!!!

i am soo thrilled...Mistress is coming home today. i have really missed Her!!!

the kids are home from school because of the snow and the next couple of weeks they are home on winter break. we are going to coordinate their visits to their friends at the same time so Mistress and i can get some much needed alone time to play. i am aching for pain but will wait because i know Mistress will make it worth it. since i have been on orgasm restriction for awhile i have a feeling that when Mistress does allow me to cum-i am going to gush.

today we are making christmas goodies with the kids. Mistress also bought a couple of Christmas movies for us to watch with our tradition of watching "christmas vacation" every year. tonight i am cooking one of Mistress's favorites: my homemade bbq ribs with my homemade potato salad.

i am eager to see what Mistress wishes to do after the kids have gone to bed. She may just sleep since She hasnt slept good while She was away. i don't care what we do-i am just grinning ear to ear because She is home :)

thursday question

got this from luna's blog (http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/). i will try to do this every thursday.

What do you consider domestic service? Do you enjoy serving or being served in this fashion? What tips do you have for someone learning to love domestics?

domestic service to me is doing all of the housework and waiting on Mistress hand & foot. i also do alot of the paperwork and phone calls. it is up to me to make sure the house runs smoothly while keeping Mistress's rules in mind.

i enjoy doing the serving. it has always been a part of my personality to serve others. i get uncomfortable when Mistress serves me by making me soup when i am sick or doing something i am unable to because of a physical limitation. i know that Mistress only does what She wants to and its my job to keep my mouth shut. it still gives me an uneasy feeling though but i am learning to let it go.

tips??? what has helped me is the "flylady" website. she is a godsend!!! i also do little things for Mistress everyday to symbolize my submission and devotion to Her. little things like making sure Her favorite foods are always stocked, making sure there is always Her favorite reading material on Her nightstand, always making sure She has a beverage at room temperature within reach (too cold of things hurts Her mouth) and making sure Her psp is always charged. She never required me to do these things~they are just things i did on my own and i felt all warm & fuzzy when She took notice :)

christmas with coffee

Mistress gave me one of my christmas presents early-it is a coffee station that i can program to brew at a specific time and i can dispense my coffee with one hand. i am going to be getting some special coffee's, syrups and creamers so i can indulge my caffeine addiction.

today i had to go out and get some last minute shopping done. i didnt want to but Mistress insisted. i wasnt thrilled about going out into the snowstorm but Mistress said "do it bitch" so i did it. i hit some sales while braving the snow & wind. now i am home drinking my coffee and picking out books to read the next couple of days. we are expecting some more snow and colder weather. Mistress said since i did what i was told with a good attitude i can have the next couple of days inside the house. i am still on toytime restriction.

i bought Mistress some winter boots that She was needing. She mentioned that when they get dirty-She will have me lick shine them. i hope She was kidding-but will do it if She asks.

time to go snuggle into the blankets and read a book. i have a penchant for true crime books and have a few new ones to read.

t.m.i. tuesday

got this from luna's ( http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/) blog. i don't know how to have her name as the link yet-i need to study more about blogging me thinks.

1. What is the greatest age difference between between and a SO?

older than me by 20 years in a previous relationship.

2. What is the greatest age difference between between any sexual partner? same as # 1

3. Have you started your holiday shopping? Is it done?
our shopping is all done

4. What are the chances there will be a “naughty” present under the tree this year (either from you or for you)?
a very good chance :)

5. What is your favorite holiday song?
"mary did you know" by mark lowry

missing Mistress in the snow

woke up this morning to more snow. the kiddies are on 2 hour late schedule so i am waiting to wake them up while drinking my morning coffee. i need alot of it as i didnt sleep good last night since Mistress is away at nights now. i also had our youngest in bed with me and sleeping next to her is not for the faint hearted. she kicks, punches and also has to sleep horizontally across the bed and somehow manages to have all of her limbs still hitting me in that position.

i have a feeling i am going to be blogging more when Mistress is away to occupy my time. yesterday i was packing Her up and getting Her boots on. i was dragging my feet and She noticed. She asked what was wrong and i told Her that i was going to miss Her. She was touched by my sentiment and said She would miss me but She wouldnt be too far away and would visit as much as She could. its not that i rely on Her for every breath...Mistress also doesnt micromanage me and knows the house will run smoothly in Her absense. we have been apart before without it bothering me. i think why its bothering me now is that i am still getting over bronchitis and the weather is frigid. the bus schedules are all running late if at all. so if something were to happen-Mistress might be delayed or prevented from getting here. i know i am capable of handling any crisis that might arise-however it would be more comforting if She were here.


i am still on razor restriction and toytime restriction and Mistress also has delegated some things for me to accomplish while She is away. She mentioned to me that She wants the first weekend She is back to be kid free so i am wiggly with curiosity on what She has in mind.


i will keep you updated....