a lil' snow & update

we woke up this morning to snow on the ground. there is more on the way with below freezing temperatures so Mistress has restricted me to the house for at least today. i still am fighting bronchitis and Mistress has been forcing meds down my throat. i hate meds but know She is doing it for my own good. my asthma is really aggravated so i sound horrid. i still am in good spirits and have been reading and drinking alot of tea.
Mistress leaves tonight to go and house-sit for a friend. its not so much the house She is keeping an eye on but the teenagers that live there. the mother has to go out of state and so Mistress is going to be staying there at night to make sure the house stays in on piece. She is going to visit during the day as much as She can in this weather. i am still on razor restriction and Mistress has also put me on toytime restriction. i thought i had done something to displease Mistress and asked Her why i was on toytime restriction, She said "because I feel like it, you didnt do anything wrong". i am wondering what She is up to but i know better than to ask. She bought me a new package of batteries and put them where i can see them and forbid me from opening them.
we have taken in a pregnant tabby that we found abandoned outside. we have asked everyone in the neighborhood who she belongs to but no one has claimed her. she is ready to pop anytime so we are keeping her warm & fed until she has the kittens and then will find them good homes.
well...Mistress is awake now from sleeping in so i need to sign off to make Her breakfast.

a sick slave's insecurity

this bug has really kicked me off of my ass. i have been doing my best to keep up with my duties and havent been able to complete all of them. Mistress hasnt complained but i still feel like i am not holding up my end of things. i am one of those that gets sick from watching a cold medicine commercial. that is why i like to keep things clean. my philosophy is that if you can't eat off of it then its not clean. Mistress calls me a germophobe. i carry around hand sanitizer everywhere. i am not "monk-ish" but close.

anyhoo...since i have been resting up alot (Mistress's orders) i have been doing alot of thinking (Mistress has smelled alot of smoke-lol). I am starting to slide into the big 4-0...as much as i have tried to deny it...it bothers me that i am getting older. i still get carded when buying alcohol which always feels great. i have just noticed more wrinkles and my hair has alot more grey lately. i could care less what other people think but i often wonder if my aging is affecting how Mistress sees me. Mistress says i am being ridiculous when i share my insecurities that She is no longer attracted to me. logically i agree but lately insecure thoughts have been roaming around my head. i have been feeling more down lately which has sunk my self esteem. next week i am going in to get my bipolar meds adjusted~that should help with my moods and lift my self esteem back to normal.

the children have also been sick and now Mistress is coming down with the bug. needless to say Mistress and i havent had any quality time. our oldest daughter had a talk with me the other day. she had asked me to do something she could do for herself. i told her i was in the middle of something and could she do it herself. she got a little pissy and mentioned that i dont do everything for her or her sister but i do everything for my wife. i told her that i dont do everything but i do alot because that is how we want our marriage to work. she just rolled her eyes at me and walked away. i know teens will be teens so i didnt get mad or defensive. our oldest daughter may know that our marriage isnt like alot of other marriages. she is 17 and very intuitive. she doesnt ask so we dont tell. our youngest hasnt a clue. she is almost 9 and we are very careful to be more guarded around her since she is at an impressionable age. we don't even let her watch the news. our grown son and his wife know some of our dynamic but not all of it.

well-its 3:30 am and i need to try to get some more sleep. this cough has been keeping me up. i took some syrup and its starting to make me sleepy. i have been looking for my hot taudy recipe but havent found it yet. does anyone know of a good recipe to knock out this cold???

whips & clips

i wanted to peek in and say hi. Mistress has kept me busy with getting the house ready for colder weather. W/we have also been out of town alot handling family things. with everything going on the bdsm kinda went to nil with U/us. i am always Mistress's submissive but i started to miss O/our quality time. Mistress knows me like a book so on O/our way back into town-She stopped and bought a new bull whip for U/us to enjoy. She has already tested it out on my ass and it felt delicious. W/we were running errands today and Mistress bought a bulk set of alligator clips. the children are home this weekend so they will probably be used this next week.

well-Mistress is telling me its time to get off the net. i will update more at a later time.

routine on the homefront....

the children started back to school and i have been fall cleaning the house...cleaning it as much as i can when W/we are at home. my typical day is as follows:

5:30 am. i get up to walk the dog and start my coffee. i start the dishwasher from the night before.i do my morning checking & responding of personal email and then do some work on the computer for the organizations i work for...during which i drink a few cups of my strong coffee. the oldest child is generally up getting ready for school and we discuss what activities she has going on that day. she leaves at 6:45ish.

7 am. i get youngest up for school and while she is getting ready i finish up any computer work. i empty the dishwasher & discuss with youngest any activities she has going on that day. i feed her breakfast and she goes out to the bus at 7:45ish. i watch her from the window as the bus stop is right in front of our place. she is at the age now where she is wanting to be independent enough to stand by herself to talk with all of her friends but still see me looking from the window.

depending on what time W/we have to be somewhere-i wake up Mistress about an hour before W/we have to leave. i ask Her if She is in the mood for breakfast and if so-ask Her what She wants and i make it for Her. i serve Her in front of Her laptop while She is doing Her morning routine. i eat beside Her while also doing more computer work. W/we also chat about what W/we have to do that day. when Mistress is done-She hands me Her plate and i put dishes into the dishwasher . i walk the dog again.

W/we do our daily errands. when W/we get home, i ask Mistress if She is hungry and if She is i make Her something to eat. i will make me something also if i am hungry. Mistress eats lunch with a dr. pepper and i eat mine with a diet pepsi. when Mistress is done She hands me Her plate and i put the dishes in the dishwasher. Mistress then either relaxes while watching tv or takes a nap. it is generally during this time that Mistress will punish me for any infractions. if i am not to be punished then i use this time to clean up around the house. each day i focus on a specific room to deep clean. i walk the dog again.

2:30 the children get home from school and it is homework time. the youngest will read to one of us for 15-20 minutes and practice her writing for 15 minutes.

4:00 the oldest will have her computer time while the youngest goes outside to play. Mistress keeps an eye on her while i vacuum the entire house. She will also walk the dog with the youngest.

5:00 i start dinner and all daily chores are to be done. while dinner is cooking i check my computer to see if i need to do any work at that time.

6:00 dinner. during dinner we talk with the children about what went on that day and other things.

6:45 everyone is done by now. i clear the table, load up the dishes into the dishwasher and get it ready to start later.i also wipe down the entire kitchen with disinfectant wipes.

7:00 Mistress and i take O/our showers while the youngest has her computer time.

8:30 the youngest will take her shower and get ready for bed.

8:45ish i walk the dog again. when i get back in Mistress will turn down the house.

9:00 the youngest goes to bed and Mistress and i retire to bed with O/our door shut. W/we have a dry eraser board on O/our door so if the children want U/us to know something that is not 911 vital-they can write it on there for U/us to read later. W/we have the same thing on the fridge to leave messages for the children if W/we dont expect to be home when they return from school.

W/we do as Mistress wishes. wether it be play, internet surfing, watching a movie or whatever.

so that is my typical day. sometimes life happens & the routine goes out the window. even then the central focus of anything to me is Mistress and the children.

i havent had any infractions so i am really proud to not have displeased Mistress in any way :)

the other side of the coin is that there has been so much going on that W/we both have been too tired to play. i am not stressed about it. now dont get me wrong-i love it when Mistress ravages me. however there is more to O/our marriage that hot sex. i know once things settle down....Mistress will have me begging for mercy...not that She'd give in to me begging. the sex isnt over until She says its over....no complaints from me :)

Back from trip.....back to training

i really enjoyed visiting my friend, we talked, we shopped, we took the children on outings. on about the 2nd day i was homesick for Mistress. W/we chatted on the phone several times a day and it seemed like forever on the train trip home. i felt a part of me was missing being that i kept my submissive identity at home.

once i did return home i immediately felt at ease getting back to my duties. Mistress rewarded me by making me wait for what i needed-some training. i thought She was falling asleep but She grabbed a hold of my hair, started pinching things & had Her way with me. i slept like a baby that night.:) thank you Mistress.

Earlier today She picked some cherries and unbeknownst to me She also picked out a cherry tree switch that She used on me earlier in semi-public and it is now in Her backpack for Her to use later on me whenever She wishes too. She has a talent for picking out just the right things for my training and making me wait until the most effective moment. i have a few welts on my ass from earlier and i like how they feel and look. yes, i am truly a masochist.

Irritated

Mistress is all better & last night while she was playing her computer game I was allowed to catch up on blog reading. I was curious to see how many other blogs there were of lesbian submissives. I found a couple but the rest that was googled all had to deal with porn made by and for men. I am not a prude by any standards. I am just irritated at the ignorant concept that sex is the only element in lesbian d/s relationships. Mistress and I do have sex but our d/s dynamic is much more than that. We are, by our understanding, married and raising children & enjoying grandchildren. We have planned on spending the rest of our lives together. Mistress told me that it doesnt matter what society's prejudices are-we are who we are and society can shove their ignorance up their asses. I know she is right but it still gets under my skin that people think of lesbians only in a pornographic way that is only pleasing to men. Just to educate~true lesbians dont act like what is portrayed in porn. Mistress and I will watch some online every now & then for a good laugh.

On a brighter note Mistress rewarded me last night for being so good when she was sick and for not diddle dawdling when we went for a walk yesterday. She was also talking about possibly putting a hook into our bedroom's ceiling to suspend me upside down in restraints so she could have full access to my tits to do her "rocky" routine with. What the rocky routine is she using my tits as punching bags~the small punching bags boxers use by punching real fast in a rhythm with their fists circling over one another while punching. The feeling is delicious and I love the marks it leaves :)

I have pondered blogging my rules and I have decided to. It will just have to wait for a later post or I may link it.

Was I born to be a submissive?

Mistress still isnt feeling well. She is running a low fever and needs rest to feel better. Last night while watching a movie with her, I was thinking on if I was born to be a submissive or did it come about from my life experiences.

In my childhood I was always a caretaker. I was independent but also felt the need to give to others. I also had a high pain threshold and being an early bloomer, I was sexually precocious. My first lover was a female friend & satisfying her gave me more pleasure than having my own orgasms. Her and I experimented with different things and I found out the smell and touch of leather makes me very horny & wet.

My first male lover was much older than me & was very patient in teaching me how to give blowjobs and fuck men. After I left home I met and fell in love with a man who was into light bondage and spanking me while we were fucking. He also had certain rules I had to abide by or I would be punished and forbidden to cum. He also introduced me to swinging and I loved fucking women for him to watch.

My first master was a man from Spain. I met him at a BDSM club and he was whipping one of his slaves. The sight of it instantly turned me on and I was envious of the slave who was getting whipped. Him and I talked for awhile and I was awed by his aura of power and confident assertivenes. We exchanged phone numbers and for the next few weeks we chatted on a nightly basis. I inquired on if he would think about training me. He said we would meet the next day for lunch and then go to his house for my first scene. His house was huge but I was most impressed by the dungeon he had set up in his basement. We talked about what things were off limits to me and what things I was interested in. He then ordered me to disrobe and fold my clothes and put them on the stool I was sitting on. I was in such a hurry that I didnt really fold the clothing the best I could. He swatted my ass with his open hand and said "Fold them again-and do it right this time". I obliged. He then put handcuffs on my wrists and then chained me to a hook on the wall and told me to spread my legs. He put a blindfold & gag on me. He then put a rock in my hand and put a metal bowl under that hand on the floor. He said that if I wanted him to stop at anytime, to drop the rock in the bowl and he would stop immediately. I heard him step away from me and then I heard nothing. It seemed like forever until I felt a flogger being caressed down my back and into my ass and teasing my pussy. My pussy was getting moist and my nipples were starting to get hard. I then felt the flogger leave my skin and then felt it slap against my back. It hurt soo good and just made me more turned on. I moved my body to be closer to him while he was flogging me. The more he flogged me, the more pain I felt and the more horny I became. I then felt his breath close to my ear and he said that he was going to next leave marks on me. He left again and right after I smelled his cologne again, I felt a slash across my back. I realized he was using a whip on me. It felt alot better than the flogger and my head was getting an euphoric rush from the pain. As the pain grew more intense-the glow behind my eyes was getting brighter. I became unaware of the physical world around me and felt like I was floating on clouds. I was on the clouds for a bit and then I became aware of his arm around me while with the other hand he was taking me off of the wall. He kept the blindfold and gag on and led me further into his dungeon. I heard him unlock a door and he took me into a room and told me to sit. When I sat I realized I was on a bed. He then took off the blindfold and gag. He turned me onto my stomache and hooked my handcuffed hands to a hook on the headboard of the bed.

He raised me onto my knees and proceeded to fuck me doggystyle. Being fucked after all the glorious pain was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. I felt myself ready to cum, he realized it too and said "Don't cum until I say so slave". He fucked me for what seemed like an eternity and I needed to cum real bad. He then said "Cum now,right now slave". I came really hard in multiple orgasms and felt him cumming. He then unhooked my hands and told me to lick our juices off of his cock. I obliged. He then had me look into the full length mirror at my back and ass. They were both full of slash marks. I liked the look of them and thanked master. He then had me lay down on my stomache on the bed and he proceeded to rub ointment onto my slashes.

I was his slave for 3 years. I have children and he wasnt into having children in his house so it wasnt a 24/7 arrangement. On the weekends that the children were gone at relatives or friends, I would stay at his house and have a 24/7 weekend. Unfortunately his father passed away after a long illness and he went back to Spain to take care of his mother (he is their oldest son).

After him I have been searching for another dom. When I met my wife, she had never been involved with m/s as much as I have. I just sensed in her that she would be the perfect domme for me. We talked about it and are now in a 24/7 m/s relationship.

After thinking about it while writing this entry-I believe my being a submissive is a result of both by nature & nurture. What do you think?

BDSM quiz

Mistress isnt feeling well today so while she is napping-I took a quiz I found on another submissive's blog.

Do you have an inclination for BDSM? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Submissive (((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominant person wouldn't be a bad idea. Submissive 100% Masochist 86% Degradation Lover 79% Bondage 71% Experimental 64% Exhibitionist / Voyeur 39% Switch 29% Sadist 29% Vanilla 18% Dominant 7%

The results arent suprising. I am submissive, a masochist, into being degraded (only by Mistress) and I love bondage with Mistress.