those 5 words...

"I am proud of you" from Mistress mean the world to me.

i have been walking on clouds since last night...i am a very happy slave that i have made Mistress sooo happy with me...here is what happened....

with Mistress and i both in school during the day and Her teen sitting at night~we haven't had alot of time together. however Mistress found a way to reward me for my patience. She gave me a looong list of errands to do and a time limit to do them in. when i was done i was to meet Her at a certain time with our youngest so i could do the shopping for the teens She is watching. i did everything without complaint. when we were done we went outside to wait for the bus~we just missed it so we had to wait in the cold. the kids sat down to listen to music at an ipod. Mistress and i walked a half a block away to smoke. i was shivering from the cold~i had on a thick coat and everything but the wind was chilling me to the bone. Mistress shielded me from the cold and told me She was proud that i had done everything with a great attitude. i smiled from ear to ear. She walked me just around the corner of a structure and looked to make sure no one was looking. She grabbed onto my tit and twisted it just hard enough and long enough to get me warm. i loved it :)!!! we had to get back to the kids so we walked back to wait for the bus. the kids werent paying alot of attention to us (go figure) and every time i started to shiver Mistress would pinch me somewhere to get me warm again.

we finally made it back to the teens's house. i made it home later and called Mistress to let Her know i made it home ok. She told me once again how proud She is of me and i did a really good job. She was reading my mind and answered what i was thinking. She said i am not getting toytime until She is home nights again. She wants to be here to watch (and probably make me beg to cum knowing Her *snicker*). i am thinking on asking Mistress if i can buy some rubber sheets. it's been almost 2 months since She has allowed me to cum. the last time i was on restriction this long-i soaked a mattress when i squirted and we had to buy another one. Mistress hopes to be home by the end of the month...so if around that time you hear of a typhoon coming from my area...run for cover (unless squirt juice is your kink *wink*)

my resolutions...

i have been thinking alot on what i want to work on this year and have come up with the following:

my domestic service to Mistress~ my submissiveness has been off balance lately in that most of it has just been sexually. i want to do more for Mistress domestically. i keep the house up and do most of the cooking. i want to expand on my cooking and decorating. Mistress appreciates everything i do around the house already~i just want to do more because She deserves for me to be the best all around slave i can be. i have signed up on the flylady site and looking on the internet for different recipes Mistress will like that wont aggravate Her acid reflux.

my patience with myself~i am my hardest critic and want to work on that. if Mistress is happy then i need not fret about if i am lacking in my being Her slave. when i stress then Mistress stresses and thats not good for either one of us. what has been helping me lately is reading alot in the book "don't sweat the small stuff".

my smoking~i am down to half a pack a day at most. my smoking aggravates my asthma but when i dont smoke my anxiety goes up. it is a catch 22 and i am taking it one day at a time. i only smoke when i really, really need it and never smoke more than half a cigarette at a time.

my caffeine consumption~i was drinking at least 2 pots a day of really strong coffee (Mistress calls it mud). i want to cut down because caffeine can inhibit the body from absorbing calcium and i need all that i can get (osteoporosis runs rampant in my family on both sides)i am now down to a pot a day. the coffee helps with my asthma and the aches from my arthritis.

my education~i am going back to college next week so that is covered.

i wanted to work on my weight but Mistress told me that i look fine to Her. She likes me with some meat on my bones. i am a bbw blessed with big bosoms. i am still losing weight slowly from eating better and taking more walks. Mistress doesnt mind that some weight is coming off She doesnt want it coming off too fast or me stressing on the numbers.

that about covers it.

it is snowing again and Mistress and i have to go run errands~what joy!!!

thursday question

got this from luna's blog (http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/). i will try to do this every thursday.

What do you consider domestic service? Do you enjoy serving or being served in this fashion? What tips do you have for someone learning to love domestics?

domestic service to me is doing all of the housework and waiting on Mistress hand & foot. i also do alot of the paperwork and phone calls. it is up to me to make sure the house runs smoothly while keeping Mistress's rules in mind.

i enjoy doing the serving. it has always been a part of my personality to serve others. i get uncomfortable when Mistress serves me by making me soup when i am sick or doing something i am unable to because of a physical limitation. i know that Mistress only does what She wants to and its my job to keep my mouth shut. it still gives me an uneasy feeling though but i am learning to let it go.

tips??? what has helped me is the "flylady" website. she is a godsend!!! i also do little things for Mistress everyday to symbolize my submission and devotion to Her. little things like making sure Her favorite foods are always stocked, making sure there is always Her favorite reading material on Her nightstand, always making sure She has a beverage at room temperature within reach (too cold of things hurts Her mouth) and making sure Her psp is always charged. She never required me to do these things~they are just things i did on my own and i felt all warm & fuzzy when She took notice :)

a sick slave's insecurity

this bug has really kicked me off of my ass. i have been doing my best to keep up with my duties and havent been able to complete all of them. Mistress hasnt complained but i still feel like i am not holding up my end of things. i am one of those that gets sick from watching a cold medicine commercial. that is why i like to keep things clean. my philosophy is that if you can't eat off of it then its not clean. Mistress calls me a germophobe. i carry around hand sanitizer everywhere. i am not "monk-ish" but close.

anyhoo...since i have been resting up alot (Mistress's orders) i have been doing alot of thinking (Mistress has smelled alot of smoke-lol). I am starting to slide into the big 4-0...as much as i have tried to deny it...it bothers me that i am getting older. i still get carded when buying alcohol which always feels great. i have just noticed more wrinkles and my hair has alot more grey lately. i could care less what other people think but i often wonder if my aging is affecting how Mistress sees me. Mistress says i am being ridiculous when i share my insecurities that She is no longer attracted to me. logically i agree but lately insecure thoughts have been roaming around my head. i have been feeling more down lately which has sunk my self esteem. next week i am going in to get my bipolar meds adjusted~that should help with my moods and lift my self esteem back to normal.

the children have also been sick and now Mistress is coming down with the bug. needless to say Mistress and i havent had any quality time. our oldest daughter had a talk with me the other day. she had asked me to do something she could do for herself. i told her i was in the middle of something and could she do it herself. she got a little pissy and mentioned that i dont do everything for her or her sister but i do everything for my wife. i told her that i dont do everything but i do alot because that is how we want our marriage to work. she just rolled her eyes at me and walked away. i know teens will be teens so i didnt get mad or defensive. our oldest daughter may know that our marriage isnt like alot of other marriages. she is 17 and very intuitive. she doesnt ask so we dont tell. our youngest hasnt a clue. she is almost 9 and we are very careful to be more guarded around her since she is at an impressionable age. we don't even let her watch the news. our grown son and his wife know some of our dynamic but not all of it.

well-its 3:30 am and i need to try to get some more sleep. this cough has been keeping me up. i took some syrup and its starting to make me sleepy. i have been looking for my hot taudy recipe but havent found it yet. does anyone know of a good recipe to knock out this cold???

the change of seasons

today is officially the first day of autumn and the weather has been fitting for the last few days. Mistress told me that i must go through the rest of O/our storage and get rid of everything W/we don't need. i have been doing this along with deep cleaning the house. it is the start of cold season which has kicked my OCD tendencies into high gear. it has also aggravated my rheumatoid arthritis so my joints are a bit stiff and sore. sometimes it takes me a bit more time to complete my duties but i get them done. i am soo lucky that Mistress understands this and knows i am doing the best that i can.

Mistress isnt ignoring me anymore. there is alot going on with the children so W/we didnt play this last weekend. i was read something on fetlife that rang true for me. M/s or D/s is not all about the physical aspect (play/sex). it is also about service and the intention of the heart. i love Mistress and i live to submit to Her will. i am just as happy submitting to Her torturing my tits as i am submitting to taking Her shoes off. my 24/7 submission to Her is from my heart, not just from the physical act of presenting my body for Her to punish.

routine on the homefront....

the children started back to school and i have been fall cleaning the house...cleaning it as much as i can when W/we are at home. my typical day is as follows:

5:30 am. i get up to walk the dog and start my coffee. i start the dishwasher from the night before.i do my morning checking & responding of personal email and then do some work on the computer for the organizations i work for...during which i drink a few cups of my strong coffee. the oldest child is generally up getting ready for school and we discuss what activities she has going on that day. she leaves at 6:45ish.

7 am. i get youngest up for school and while she is getting ready i finish up any computer work. i empty the dishwasher & discuss with youngest any activities she has going on that day. i feed her breakfast and she goes out to the bus at 7:45ish. i watch her from the window as the bus stop is right in front of our place. she is at the age now where she is wanting to be independent enough to stand by herself to talk with all of her friends but still see me looking from the window.

depending on what time W/we have to be somewhere-i wake up Mistress about an hour before W/we have to leave. i ask Her if She is in the mood for breakfast and if so-ask Her what She wants and i make it for Her. i serve Her in front of Her laptop while She is doing Her morning routine. i eat beside Her while also doing more computer work. W/we also chat about what W/we have to do that day. when Mistress is done-She hands me Her plate and i put dishes into the dishwasher . i walk the dog again.

W/we do our daily errands. when W/we get home, i ask Mistress if She is hungry and if She is i make Her something to eat. i will make me something also if i am hungry. Mistress eats lunch with a dr. pepper and i eat mine with a diet pepsi. when Mistress is done She hands me Her plate and i put the dishes in the dishwasher. Mistress then either relaxes while watching tv or takes a nap. it is generally during this time that Mistress will punish me for any infractions. if i am not to be punished then i use this time to clean up around the house. each day i focus on a specific room to deep clean. i walk the dog again.

2:30 the children get home from school and it is homework time. the youngest will read to one of us for 15-20 minutes and practice her writing for 15 minutes.

4:00 the oldest will have her computer time while the youngest goes outside to play. Mistress keeps an eye on her while i vacuum the entire house. She will also walk the dog with the youngest.

5:00 i start dinner and all daily chores are to be done. while dinner is cooking i check my computer to see if i need to do any work at that time.

6:00 dinner. during dinner we talk with the children about what went on that day and other things.

6:45 everyone is done by now. i clear the table, load up the dishes into the dishwasher and get it ready to start later.i also wipe down the entire kitchen with disinfectant wipes.

7:00 Mistress and i take O/our showers while the youngest has her computer time.

8:30 the youngest will take her shower and get ready for bed.

8:45ish i walk the dog again. when i get back in Mistress will turn down the house.

9:00 the youngest goes to bed and Mistress and i retire to bed with O/our door shut. W/we have a dry eraser board on O/our door so if the children want U/us to know something that is not 911 vital-they can write it on there for U/us to read later. W/we have the same thing on the fridge to leave messages for the children if W/we dont expect to be home when they return from school.

W/we do as Mistress wishes. wether it be play, internet surfing, watching a movie or whatever.

so that is my typical day. sometimes life happens & the routine goes out the window. even then the central focus of anything to me is Mistress and the children.

i havent had any infractions so i am really proud to not have displeased Mistress in any way :)

the other side of the coin is that there has been so much going on that W/we both have been too tired to play. i am not stressed about it. now dont get me wrong-i love it when Mistress ravages me. however there is more to O/our marriage that hot sex. i know once things settle down....Mistress will have me begging for mercy...not that She'd give in to me begging. the sex isnt over until She says its over....no complaints from me :)

missing Mistress already

i leave for my friends house the day after tomorrow. i know i am going to have fun but i am really going to miss Mistress. i will be calling Mistress a few times a day to tell Her what i am up to but it wont be the same as being with Her. She knows my friend and my friend's husband really well so She has no problem with me visiting them without Her. i actually had to pack my pajamas so i have something to wear to sleep in while i am there.

i have been doing laundry all today while also cleaning the house. Mistress was having issues with Her new laptop so i fixed it when She was napping. i have also been on the last leg of quitting smoking. Mistress has quit with the help of medications. i didnt smoke nearly as much as She did but the hardest is quitting my wake-up cigarette that i have with my morning cup of strong coffee. if i dont have both after my morning shower then its real hard for me to get going with my daily duties. Mistress refuses to buy me anymore cigarettes but She did buy me those nicotine lozenges and they take the edge off.

the weather has been so muggy and W/we have been so busy with other things that W/we havent had much time for scenes or discipline. i do miss it but its up to Mistress's discretion when W/we do anything.

i may blog tomorrow night before i leave. there wont be much to share. tomorrow W/we are sleeping in and just taking it easy all day watching movies and reading. Mistress cooked Her tuna casserole tonight and since She made alot of it, there is enough for leftovers for tomorrows dinner.

i am going to miss you Mistress :(