a christmas meme

i am still sick and thought maybe doing a christmas meme would help with my feeling blah. i am too lazy to tag anyone so if you are reading this...consider yourself tagged :)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? gift bags

2. Real tree or artificial? real tree

3. When do you put up the tree? day after thanksgiving

4. When do you take the tree down? january 2nd

5. Do you like eggnog? yummy~yes

6. Favorite gift received as a child? a horse. she was an appaloosa i named "queenie" and she was my best friend until the day she died.

7. Hardest person to buy for? our oldest grandson

8. Easiest person to buy for? our youngest daughter

9. Do you have a nativity scene? yes-it was a gift from my late nana. its inside a huge snow globe that plays "away in a manger".

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? depends on who it is.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? a wool sweater at a party at a former job~it was beautiful but i am allergic to wool :(

12. Favorite Christmas movie? "a christmas story" ("you'll shoot your eye out")

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? we shop all year around.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? yes~see #11

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Mistress's home-made dressing

16. Lights on the tree; colored or white? colored

17. Favorite Christmas song? "grandma got run over by a reindeer" & "mary did you know"

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? this year we are staying at home

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? yes

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? star

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? family gifts on christmas eve and then from santa christmas morning

22. Favorite ornament theme or color? blue & white

23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Mistress's dressing, my daughter inlaws cauliflower cheese dish & my homemade fudge.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? a nice whipping to end the year right.

25. Who is most likely to respond to this?whoever is in the christmas spirit.

sniffle....

what i have been fearing has happened...i have a bad cold virus and there is nothing i can do about it. i woke up this morning coughing, sore throat and bad congestion. even though i am feeling under the weather i am feeling better than i have in awhile.

Mistress and i had quality time last night. i didnt even know She had planned it until i was sitting here on another website and She laid into me out of nowhere. She grabbed my nipple and pulled really hard while twisting. i barely had time to recover when She grabbed ahold of my neck and clamped down on it. She kept up the tit torture while squeezing my neck harder. the pain in my nipple was getting my pussy wet with excitement. i didnt have any air to breathe so i did the tap out signal so Mistress knew to let go so i could breathe. She let me take a breath and clamped down again. She did this a few times and then signaled for me to get my ass into our room.

i got up and went to the bedroom. Mistress started in with the tit torture again. the pain was yummy and my clit was buzzing and aching to be touched. Mistress sensed my excitement and gave me a kick right into my pussy. i almost came from the pain. She kept kicking me and turned around to heel kick my pussy. after one kick instead of putting Her foot down, She kept it right on my clit and rubbed it. it felt so good that i started moaning with pleasure. i was on the verge of having an orgasm when She pulled Her foot away. She continued punishing my nipples while my juices ran down my inner thighs. She turned me around and started scratching my ass and thighs. She dug Her nails into my ass and put Her ear by my mouth so She could hear me whimper in pain & pleasure. i needed to cum with a vengeance but She refused to give me permission. i went to sleep afterwards and slept good all night. then i woke up and felt like i was under attack by ninja germs. can a slave get sick from orgasm denial???

i still have an ache to cum but i will wait for Mistress's permission. we don't play while one of us is sick to avoid passing germs back and forth.

a case of the blues

for some reason this year i am not really in the christmas spirit. i am usually in the spirit right after halloween but this year i feel indifferent. to be quiet honest i have been indifferent about alot of things. my libido is down (a rarity) and i have been moody, as in i am easily moved to tears. i think i have shared before that i am bipolar-i religiously take my meds and get enough sleep & eat as healthy as i can. i have just fell into an abyss over the last few weeks. i am calling tomorrow to make an appointment to see if i need an adjustment in my meds.

Mistress has been real patient with my crying. i wont go into details of the discussion-but She calmed my fear that She doesnt see me as an emotional burden and is not leaving. i am keeping up with my duties and i am allowed more free time to recharge myself. Mistress decided we are staying home for christmas and wont have other people over. i am soo grateful to Mistress for that. all of our christmas shopping is done. i have more to write about on other things but it is time to go watch a movie with Mistress.

later taters!!!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

wow-this month has gone by fast.

i wanted to peek in and wish everyone a happy thanksgiving. this year we are going to be gone at our son's house. his wife is doing the majority of the cooking and i am making my famous fudge. Mistress is hopefully making Her home-made stuffing-i loooooove it, it's in its own food group :)

with us getting ready for the holidays and other things-Mistress and i havent had alot of quality time. She mentioned that we are going shopping for something on friday and She refuses to tell me what it is. the suspense is killing me......

since both of our birthdays are in april Mistress wants to collar me then. She was inspired by a comment on this blog to get a collar that She can zap me with to correct me. i am still on razor restriction and feel like i am smuggling toupee's under my arms and a wig in my crotch. i have commented to Mistress my discomfort and She will get an evil smirk on Her face and reply "sucks to be you". She is right.

i found my cell phone...it was in a box under alot of books. i havent any idea how it got there. Mistress is still getting the g1 phone-after the holidays. She is definitely a technophile.

i hope everyone has a safe holiday !!!

the mystery of the cell phone....

after tearing my house apart and putting it back together-my beloved cell is nowhere to be found. i called around to the places we patronized and no one turned it in . Mistress called and shut it off and we are getting Mistress the new G1 and i am getting Her cell to use.

Mistress may have broke Her toe on our bedframe yesterday :(. She is staying off of it as much as She will. i have a previous commitment (a memorial service for a friend) or i would stay home with Her. She insists i go so i am.

a little update & mild rant...

not feeling really in the mood to blog so much. not sure if its the weather, the bug going around the house or the fact that my rheumatoid arthritis is back with a vengeance. my laptop still is in the shop so i only have privacy in the early morning to blog, read other bdsm blogs or go on any of the bdsm sites i frequent. i am trying to comment on other blogs more after my morning coffee.

i have been busy around the house getting it spring cleaned for the holidays. the ra has slowed me down a little and i get tired alot. i have also been forgetting alot-lost my cell phone in the house and it must be dead because when i called it-i dont hear a ring. my mission today is to find the thing.

Mistress has been really patient due to the ra....although something last night bugged me. i was deep frying some hashbrown patties for Her. my hands were stiff and was having problems grasping the patties with the tongs. Mistress told me She would do it...i started to insist i could do it and then She gave me "that look" so i handed over the tongs. i hate it that i am not up to par. Mistress still corrects me when She senses an attitude in my voice but She is treating me with kid gloves when it comes to domestic service when the ra is restricting my movements. i still insist on putting Her shoes on & taking them off...even though it takes me more effort to get up off the floor afterwards.

i am calling to get a new doctor tomorrow. my current/soon to be former doc is a quack. he states that even though my records say that i have had ra since i was young and my blood work says i have it (the numbers on my bloodwork are high but he says not high enough for me to see a specialist) any complaint that i have...he diagnoses it to me getting older (i am 38) and that i am overweight (i have lost 100 lbs in the last 18 mos. and the pain is worse now than ever). sorry about the rant...

anyhooo....hopefully soon my laptop will be fixed and i will have better medical care so i can be the bestest slave i can be.

vibrations!!!

thursday while running errands Mistress surprised me by having us go into an adult toy store. She said She was getting us something to celebrate the day in november a few years ago that we began dating. after looking around She decided on getting a wireless remote vibrating egg. i was thrilled and couldnt wait to try it out. after we got home Mistress put the batteries in and had me put it in. it felt really nice :) the remote allows Her to not only control the strength but also the type of vibrations. it was right against my g-spot and Mistress enjoyed seeing me in pleasure. however when i felt the wave of orgasm start-Mistress would turn it down. She had it turned all the way up a few times and i could feel the vibrations up into my skull. She told me to keep it in but She was going to give the batteries a rest. we began reading and everytime i was really into my book She would hit the remote to make me squirm and/or jump. my book almost went flying into the wall a few times. Mistress still refused to allow me to cum. as it got closer to our bedtime i asked Mistress if i could take it out and She said no. i kept it in and went to sleep. next thing i know i am being jarred awake by my pussy vibrating. Mistress is a light sleeper and everytime Her eyes opened She would hit the remote. once i jumped so far i bumped my head on the wall. needless to say i did not get that much sleep. Mistress was having aloooot of fun making me jump. next She wants me to wear it in public...i am mixed with anticipation and eagerness. i love how it feels. however it is going to be difficult for me to not let on what is going on. Mistress also informed me that soon we are going to begin on ass training. not for my pleasure -but for the humiliation of punishment.

we did try out the tens unit. Mistress put it on my flesh-the setting She had it on was too strong. Mistress has been trying to figure out why the settings are off. She is going to have it checked out before She tries it on my pussy. i am still on razor/veet restriction and i am worried about burning my pubes off. i do miss being bare but would rather look like chewbacca then to have my pussy burnt. Mistress loves that i am humiliated to be hairy.

Mistress also had fun putting green & red clothes clips on me. She had them all over my tits. She took Her time putting them on and had fun making different designs. i loved the pain. i dont know what it is but tit pain gives me micro-orgasms. all Mistress has to say is "give me your tits now" and my pussy gets all wet. She also bought a spatula with holes in it from the dollar store and used that on my ass & tits. it made pretty marks and bruises. the dollar store is a delight for the sadist in Mistress....also for the masochist in me.

my laptop croaked so now we are down to just the desktop until the laptop is fixed. i can't wait. this desktop is an antique. that is why this post is short. i want to get it posted before this damn thing freezes up. i will elaborate more on things when we get the laptop back.

everyone take care, stay warm and safe :)

tens unit???

Mistress got me up bright and early the other morning and told me to get dressed because we were going out for a walk and a light breakfast. all was going well until the bus was late and i started feeling grumpy from the lack of my usual couple cups of espresso strong coffee first thing in the morning. Mistress asked what was wrong and in my caffeine deprived haze-i got mouthy and told Her exactly what was wrong. She wasnt amuzed to say the least with my attitude. She asked me rhetorically why i had forgotten my place. i tried explaining to Her that She knows i am grumpy before my coffee. i was confused and asked Her why i was in trouble since She has overlooked it before. She explained to me She overlooks it when we are at home but i know the rule of always being respectful when we are out in public. i knew i was in the wrong and apologized. She informed me that i was going to be punished after She thought about it. i let it go and we went out to breakfast. we then went to the dollar store where Mistress picked out rope, plastic red & blue clothes clips. She was looking at the spatulas for awhile but commented to me that we had enough at home and She still wanted to work in the whip on me. i kept envisioning myself being bound, clipped and whipped for the better part of the day. needless to say i was not looking forward to going home.

we finally made it home and Mistress had the look in Her eye that let me know that the time to be punished was near. the phone rang and i heard our teen answer it-she then came and knocked on our door and let us know that her bff had arrived in town early and they were wondering if she could come over a day early to visit for a week. we said ok and Mistress told me that i was basically saved from what She had in mind due to us having company but that She would figure out another way to punish me that was more discreet. She let me know later that evening that before we took off the next morning-She was going to put enhancement gel all over my clit and pussy for me to wear while we were out. i did a mini-laugh until i saw the look in Her eye and i realized She was serious. i got a bit angry at Her for being soo devious and clever. it is very hard for me to keep a straight face and not make a sound when i am aroused. i didnt sleep that good from staying up and strategizing on how i could be oblivious to the gel and not let on to anyone that i was aroused. Mistress also let me know that this punishment did not absolve me from being bound, clipped and whipped. that would happen after our company was gone.

the next morning Mistress put the gel on and i felt it tingle. Mistress told me to get dressed and get ready to go. i was mentally trying to ignore the sensations until we were outside and the wind gusted through me. the second the wind hit my crotch-my clit went "schwing" and my legs started turning to rubber. Mistress asked me what was wrong with a smirk on Her face. i whispered to Her that i just needed a moment. She denied my request and told me to start walking. i did as i was told. i made it through out the morning and afternoon ok. Mistress cracked up when She saw that i was so aroused that i had a wet spot in my pants. Mistress received a package that was a tens unit. She informed me that She is going to try it out on my pussy at Her discretion. i am a bit nervous about it. She has experience with them but i dont. does anyone have experience with them?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

wishing everyone a safe & happy halloween.

seeing as today & tonight Mistress and i are going to be busy with family things. Mistress gave me my halloween treat early...with a trick. i had just taken a shower when Mistress told me to lay down on the bed on my back with my legs spread and to not move. She then proceeded to apply some sexual enhancement gel to my clit with the smirk She gets on Her face when She is up to something >:) the gel started making my clit tingly and very cool. i was already horny before She applied it and the gel made my clit that much harder. Mistress then brought out my favorite toy and told me to turn it up all the way and put it on my clit and keep it there until She said to take it off. i did as i was told. when the vibration hit my clit i almost came right then and there. Mistress then had me turn onto my side away from Her and i heard Her rummaging through Her toybox. i was into the glorious sensations on my clit when i heard a "whip" and felt the bullwhip sting on my ass. the feel of the whip with the sensations on my clit made me start tumbling into an orgasm. i asked Mistress if i could cum and She said i could cum whenever i wanted. She continued to whip my ass and my back. i kept cumming and each orgasm was more intense than the last. i few stings of the whip were a bit too painful but i never safeworded. Mistress sensed it and eased up a bit.

i heard the phone ring from where i was in subspace. Mistress told me not to make a sound as She answered the phone. it was a family member who needed us to help them with something. Mistress put the whip away and let me cum a few more times. i went and cleaned up and started to get dressed. i saw Mistress with the zip-ties. She proceeded to put a zip-tie really tight around my left nipple...and when i say tight...i mean TIGHT!!! Mistress then started laughing because my nipple started turning a deep purple immediately. She brought out the scissors and then after trying to cut the zip-tie off She said "here,you try to get it off i cant do it". i tried and couldnt. She then mentioned something about going to the emergency room. i started panicking and told Mistress i didnt want to go to the emergency room. i started crying "its going to fall off"

Mistress laughed and i then realized in my subspace haze that the whole thing was a joke. She snipped off the zip-tie and we finished getting ready and went to help our family member.

soooo.....how was your halloween???

beating me out of the blues

Mistress and i had some quality time today-She made sure of it. i had been feeling blue, out of it and found it hard to focus. it had been awhile since Mistress had inflicted delicious pain on me and i was needing it.Mistress had also been on edge as She hadnt been able to let off any steam by the same token.

we had our place to ourselves this afternoon-so Mistress gave me the look that it was time for me to get my beating. Mistress started out with punishing my ass by kicking it hard. Mistress knows i prefer my ass to be whipped but She will kick to make the pain more intense. She generally starts out slow but not today.i saw the look on Her face and knew She needed to beat me more than i needed Her to beat me. with the first kick i knew the pain was going to be intense. i was loving every minute of it. at first my ass was warm but then it grew hot. a few kicks caught me in the pussy by mistake. i gasped in surprise but then relished the pain that was making my juices start to flow. my ass was fire hot and i knew that there was going to be alot of bruises for awhile. i felt the endorphins start to kick in and was feeling all glowy.


Mistress then turned me around and pulled on my growing pubes. i thought maybe She had decided to just pull them all out to make my pussy bald again. a part of me was hoping not and a part of me was hoping She would. She let go and then proceeded to punch at my thighs. my ass was on fire and now my legs were being pummeled. the pain was almost unbearable but it was decadent.


Mistress then started on what i think is Her favorite-breast & nipple torture. i love it too. Mistress grabbed my left breast and twisted it hard while squeezing it. She does this thing where She will take a pinch of breast (or nipple) and put it between Her thumb and forefinger and tweak it really hard while squeezing as hard as She can. it feels like She is ripping a piece of flesh out of my breast (or nipple). that scares me which makes the pain more intense and heightens my enjoyment. Mistress let go of my boob and then grabbed at the nipple-first teasing it to make it rock hard and then pulling it while twisting it.


my vision started getting blurry and i was unaware of some of the things Mistress was doing to me. Mistress knew i was in subspace so She stopped and after we showered-we sat on our couch playing our favorite online games and watching some tv programs we like to watch. i thanked Mistress for my beating and She gave me a wierd smile. i asked Her "what?" and She didnt answer. i found out after a bit what She was smiling about. one thing She has been training me on is to not make a sound while i am being punished or disciplined. i guess a friend of mine had called when i was busy this morning and told Mistress she would call back at a specific time. Mistress didnt tell me but made sure i was home at that time.


my friend called when she said she would and so i began chatting with her and filling her in on what i have been up to. this friend of mine is very vanilla and doesnt know the full extent of Mistress's and my dynamic. Mistress knows this and so She knew this would be the perfect time to do what She had been training me to do. Mistress moved over closer to me on the couch when i was on the phone and laid Her hand across me and into my lap. i thought nothing of it and continued talking. next thing i knew-BAM-Mistress smacked Her hand into my breast and had a handful of it. She was squeezing it really hard and twisting it. i looked at Her and She mouthed to me to not make a sound and to talk to my friend. i did as i was told. Mistress let go and i thought She was done, but nope, She grabbed another handful and was twisting it all over the place. She did this several times and i did really good at not making any noise but talking to my friend. Mistress then grabbed again and dug Her nails into my nipple. i let out a "oooouuuccchhhiiieee mama". my friend asked "what?" and i told her the cat just scratched me. Mistress let out a chuckle and let go. just then a program was starting that Mistress and i love so i told my friend i had to let her go. Mistress and i watched our program and Mistress went to bed early because we have to leave before the crack of dawn to go out of town on business.


i am feeling alot better. my ass, thighs and tits are all bruised and marked. i love it when Mistress leaves marks on me. to me they are a token of my submissiveness to Mistress and a token of Her dominance to me. Mistress and i have been talking about the different titles in bdsm. i am Her submissive wife, Her property and Her slave as She has final say in everything. i only have say when She permits it. i do have equal say in our children and grandchildren because Mistress permits it. Mistress does not micromanage me and She loves that i am fiesty. i am only submissive to Her. i am respectful of other people but also independent and an alpha female. Mistress is one of but a few that have been able to quash the alpha in me-to top me and take my submissiveness from me. when i met Mistress i sensed in Her my dominant soulmate and She sensed in me Her submissive soulmate :)

i love you Mistress

my celebrity look-alikes

some of my readers have messaged me via fetlife and inquired on seeing pics of me. Mistress still restricts me from doing so. recently i ran across a website that compares your face photo(s) and the results come in percentages as to which celebrities the photo looks like. i compared several of mine and the top of the list always included thora birch, kimberly williams and missi pyle. Mistress thinks the thora birch is dead on of me when i was younger. She also says kimberly and missi do favor me in the face too. i didnt see it at first until i compared the photos and i do look alot like them. kinda wierd how the face i see every day is hard for me to see in the faces of others.

if i dont post before friday-i want to wish everyone a happy & safe halloween :)

7 random facts

while reading one of my favorite blogs-the author tagged all of her readers so here it goes:

* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.

1. i am a chocaholic-especially truffles, and only without nuts

2. i need coffee for my brain to function-and i mean STRONG coffee. (Mistress calls it mud)

3. my 2nd and 3rd toes are webbed together. it is congenital and hereditary.

4.i am a major germaphobe. i always use napkins to open doors and i sanitize the grocery cart i use to shop with. when i wash my hands Mistress says i look like a surgeon scrubbing in for surgery.

5. i am the black sheep of the family but the only one that still talks to every member of my family.

6. i was pooped on by a seagull flying overhead when i was 6 and ever since then i panic and cover my head when a bird flies over my head. Mistress gets a kick out of it :)

7. i think snakes & reptiles are cool but the site of a wild mouse/rat will have me climbing onto the tops of furniture.

if you read this and have a blog-consider yourself tagged :)

Mistress's inspirations from other blogs....

this past week Mistress indulged herself by reading some of the blogs that i read. on one particular blog She read that the m of that dynamic has forbidden the s from shaving anything at all. Mistress got Her evil smirk on Her face and said to me "you are not to touch a razor until I say so". i pleaded with Her to rethink it and She said to not say another word about it or the way She chooses to take the hair off will be more painful. i hate the feeling of hair. i am of sicilian descent so it doesnt take long at all for the hair to get long. i feel yucky, irritated and downright unsexy. i got snippy for a moment with Mistress in public the other day and when we got home She let me have it. She pinched, squeezed,punched & slapped me all over except my face. She almost pulled my left breast off when i touched Her out of reflex from the pain. Her eyes got really big and She said "what have I told you about touching Me?". the punishment went on for the better part of the day. Mistress let me take breaks to rehydrate myself and to use the bathroom. She let me know that She is displeased with me because i am not applying myself to be all that i can be. my bipolar and panic attacks have been effecting me and She is displeased i havent been eating enough from my anxiety or keeping my mouth in check when i am irritable from the bipolar. i am going in next week to get my meds re-evaluated and getting a complete physical which is way overdue. i hate doctors but Mistress insists i go and so i am.

anyhow-Mistress has also been looking at alot of bdsm equipment online and is now making some of them Herself. She already has home-made nipple clamps, restraints and a paddle. She also wants to make Her own leather whipping straps, floggers, canes and tack bra. i registered on the slave registry and Mistress and i are looking into getting our contract done and pick out a leash and collar for me. it will take awhile as Mistress hates rushing to do things when it comes to us. She likes us to take our time and enjoy each moment......so do i.

the tale of toys & the tidal wave

Mistress now has me off of orgasm denial :). She gave me permission to have toytime when She was out running errands on saturday. the children were gone so i had the whole place to myself. i was using the dolphin toy on my pussy and after i came a couple of times an idea hit me-"i wonder what it would feel like to use this and the vibrating egg on my pussy at the same time". now to remind you-Mistress did Her "tim the tool-man" routine on it and now has the wires safely spliced to a big plug for more power. the last few times the egg has been used on me i have squirted so i got out the usual towels W/we use to make cleaning up easier. i laid down on the towels and started with the dolphin toy again. it is my favorite as i know how & where to put it for maximum effect. the shaft part goes around and around so it stimulates my gspot just right. i was getting into it and started to feel an orgasm on the horizon. i plugged the egg in with my free hand and then applied it to my clit. oooooooh mmmmmmy goooooood. it felt so good that i felt myself instantly starting to cum. i didnt want to and held it off as much as i could. i pressed the egg harder into my clit so it would also vibrate into my gspot and i was rewarded with the exquisite sensation of needing to squirt. i let go and came and squirted like usual. while i was convulsing from cumming my thighs cramped together which pressed the dolphin toy & egg harder into me. i felt another orgasm hurdling at me like a freight train and i knew it was going to be a big one. i couldnt relax to get my legs open and my legs were to weak to stand up. all i could do was lay there. i held onto the bed so i wouldnt fall off (hate it when that happens). the orgasm hit and i felt my juices gushing onto my inner thighs. i just let it all out. as soon as that orgasm started to go away-another one was on its heels. with every orgasm i squirted more and more. all i could feel was the heavenly sensations in my pussy. i lost count of the orgasms and became unaware of my surroundings. i thought i was going to masturbate myself to death. is that possible? i could imagine the headline "nympho dies from masturbation". when i became aware of earth again i found that the batteries had died in the dolphin and the egg had somehow found its way away from my clit and onto the bed beside me. i was all tingly, glowing and really relaxed. i savored the moment for awhile to let the feelings come back to my body and limbs. then i started to feel wetness, underneath all of me, and it wasnt sweat. i thought maybe i had somehow knocked over my glass of water. however when i looked-the glass was still there with water in it. i sat up & looked and saw that the whole bed was soaked. oh shit-it wasnt water-it was my squirt juices. it was all over the bed, my legs and somehow some had even gotten onto the walls. i took a shower and stripped and made the bed. Mistress called while i was making it and She asked why i was changing sheets. i told her what i had done-She couldnt comment as She was on a bus. when She got home She looked at the sheets and said "looks like you had alot of fun". i told Her i had and thanked Her for allowing me to do it. thank you Mistress

???detachable nipples???

nice title-huh-well let me explain.

last monday night Mistress was doing more breast and nipple torture on me. She had punched, slapped and squeezed my tits all bruisy. it felt delicious and it made my pussy wet. to make me even wetter She started to squeeze and pinch my nipples. i had closed my eyes as She squeezed harder and harder. i felt the world start to melt away and was vaguely aware of my surroundings. Mistress tugged on a nipple which indicated to me to open my eyes. i looked down to see Her pulling to stretch out my right nipple and to twist it (like someone would twist a washcloth to wring out excess water). She twisted it as far as it would go. the pain was unbearable and i felt myself ready to cum. before i could ask for permission She started to pinch it really hard. i saw stars in my mind and felt my body turning to jelly. my pussy was quivering and the juices were running down my thighs. Mistress then twisted it harder while pinching it harder and my eyes almost popped out of my head. She realized i was in subspace and at my limit so She let go. i dropped onto my back on my side of the bed. apparently one of my knuckles lightly thumped the wall-however when i heard the sound the first thought that popped into my head was "did my nipple fall off"~trouble was...i said it out loud. Mistress started cracking up~She laughed so hard that tears were coming out of Her eyes. i didnt realize i had said it out loud~when i am in subspace my v-chip is disabled and i am unaware of what i say. She said She wished She had it on video so She could send it to an american funniest home porn show with the title "detachable nipples". She said i had the cutest serious face when i said it. its been almost a week and She is still walking by me and grabbing a pinch of nipple while walking away and saying "i need your nipple for awhile". will i ever live this down? has anyone else had an embarrassing moment during a scene?

Mistress also helped me break down and release alot of stuff this week. alot of things have been going on and i am the type that will deny how much it bothers me and keep busy doings things to avoid whats bothering me. alot of anger was building up and Mistress could sense it. She started to nitpick about things. She would ask me to do something and while i was doing it, She would ask me to do something else. then while doing the latter thing She would want to know why i wasnt doing the former. then when i would be trying to sleep She would knock on my forehead to wake me up. She also started to with-hold affection which She knows hurts my feelings and i get angry when my feelings are hurt. She kept this up for a few days-just mindfucking me. Mistress knows me better than i know myself and can get me to react just the way She wants me to. i finally reached my breaking point and became uber-bitch. She calls it "worse than a fighting pit bull mode" when i get that way. i got disrespectful and instead of ignoring me like She usually does-She got right in my face and scared me. i was backed into the cupboard and i asked Her to back up. She refused and kept telling me how pissed off She was. i got even more scared and then it happened-the dam broke and i just started crying. Mistress backed up and let me have my space. i cried hard for a few hours and felt alot better. i talked to Her about the things i had pented up. i know She would never abuse me. She just wanted to scare me to kick in my fight or flight response. i had no place to fly and i will never hit Mistress. She knew i would get scared which would help me move pass the anger and let things out.

now that that i feel better inside- i have the bug that is going around. i am sleeping on the couch-not as punishment but so Mistress wont get sick to just pass it back to me. She checks on me during the night and makes sure i push liquids and get alot of rest. wow-this thing turned into a book. well...the cough med is kicking in so i will bid y'all a good night :)

whips & clips

i wanted to peek in and say hi. Mistress has kept me busy with getting the house ready for colder weather. W/we have also been out of town alot handling family things. with everything going on the bdsm kinda went to nil with U/us. i am always Mistress's submissive but i started to miss O/our quality time. Mistress knows me like a book so on O/our way back into town-She stopped and bought a new bull whip for U/us to enjoy. She has already tested it out on my ass and it felt delicious. W/we were running errands today and Mistress bought a bulk set of alligator clips. the children are home this weekend so they will probably be used this next week.

well-Mistress is telling me its time to get off the net. i will update more at a later time.

the change of seasons

today is officially the first day of autumn and the weather has been fitting for the last few days. Mistress told me that i must go through the rest of O/our storage and get rid of everything W/we don't need. i have been doing this along with deep cleaning the house. it is the start of cold season which has kicked my OCD tendencies into high gear. it has also aggravated my rheumatoid arthritis so my joints are a bit stiff and sore. sometimes it takes me a bit more time to complete my duties but i get them done. i am soo lucky that Mistress understands this and knows i am doing the best that i can.

Mistress isnt ignoring me anymore. there is alot going on with the children so W/we didnt play this last weekend. i was read something on fetlife that rang true for me. M/s or D/s is not all about the physical aspect (play/sex). it is also about service and the intention of the heart. i love Mistress and i live to submit to Her will. i am just as happy submitting to Her torturing my tits as i am submitting to taking Her shoes off. my 24/7 submission to Her is from my heart, not just from the physical act of presenting my body for Her to punish.

tit torture & other training

with U/us now having more alone time~Mistress has decided to put me through more training. one afternoon i was restricted to the bathroom. She had me take my clothes off. She then handed me the egg and told me to go into O/our bathroom and apply it to my clit until She said to stop. She also said i could cum when & how many times i wanted to-i just had to not make a sound while doing it. i also had to sit on the closed toilet seat and not fall off or move it in any way. O/our toilet seat pops off if there is a draft so i knew i wouldnt be able to move a hair. i went into the bathroom and sat, turned on the egg and put it to my clit. it felt really good but i wasnt able to really get into it because i was being careful to not make a sound or move. i started to feel myself cum so i braced my feet to the floor so i wouldnt move. i also put my free hand over my mouth so i wouldnt make a sound. i came and peaked out the door to Mistress to see if i was finished. She motioned for me to shut the door which meant i wasnt. i came 5 more times and with each one it grew harder and harder to not move or make a sound. Mistress was pleased with me and allowed me to play my favorite computer games :) thank you Mistress.

a couple days after that W/we were going through storage boxes and Mistress found an old motor for a battery charger. She got this evil grin on Her face and told me to bring Her the egg.

i brought it to Her and She had me sit down to watch Her splice the wires to the egg to the motor. She then handed it to me and told me to go try it out in the bathroom. i didnt have to stay in there. She just wanted me to put it on my clit, turn it on and come report to Her how it felt. i went into the bathroom,pulled off my pants & panties and turned the egg on. it vibrated my whole hand. i knew not to hesitate in doing as i was told so i put it up to my clit. my clit went "schwing" and my mind went "holy shit". i took it off, turned it off and put my pants and panties back on. i went back to Mistress and told Her how it felt. She smiled and had me put it back up.

W/we continued going through things and Mistress found a set of medical clamps. where She got them-i haven't a clue-but there they were. She came over and sat next to me. She grabbed my right breast and put the clamp on there. the pain was delicious. She twisted the clamp clockwise and counterclockwise and i felt my pussy getting wet. She unclamped it and reclamped it on another part of that tit. She repeated twisting it back & forth and i moaned in pleasure. She then grabbed at my nipple and tweaked it to make it hard. She took the clamp and clamped it to my nipple. the pain was almost unbearable. She then grabbed a rubber band and applied it to the clamp handle so She didnt have to keep Her hand on it. She told me not to move and kept it there for awhile. it was an intense mix of pleasure and pain. it was one of those "hurt so good" moments. She undid the rubber band and unclamped the clamp real fast. the pain always hurts worse on my tits when things are taken off than when they are put on. She then started tweaking the left nipple and put the clamp on. She didnt apply the rubberband but repeated the twisting and pulled on the nipple some. i almost came from the pain but i didnt since Mistress didnt give me permission. She kept twisting & pulling and it felt like She was going to pull my nipple off. logically i know that would never happen but it felt like it. when She took the clamp off my nipple looked mutated. i had marks all over my right breast with that nipple bruised and my left nipple was also bruised. Mistress had me lay down on my stomach to keep the nerves stimulated and hurting. She asked if i was wet and i said yes. after the pain subsided She let me sit up.

She asked if they still hurt and i said yes. She said she could take my mind off of my tits and proceeded to snap the bottoms of my feet with the rubberband. it was stinging like hell but i enjoyed it and it definitely took my mind off of my tits.Mistress then told me to get something off of the floor by the bottom of O/our bed. i laid down to get it and immediately felt a "swack" on my ass. i looked at Mistress and She had a hairbrush in Her hand that She was spanking me with. She spanked me a few times with the flat side. She then looked at the brush, turned it over and spanked me with the bristles side. the bristles made my ass sting. Mistress was spanking me in the same spot over & over. i looked at Her and told Her it was getting numb. She didnt like how i said it and got really angry with me. She said that making it numb was what She was going for and She didnt like me complaining about it. i tried to explain to Her that i was just trying to inform Her and wasnt complaining. She didnt want to hear it and told me the discussion was over. She told me W/we will talk about it again when She decides to-which is ok with me. She is the one in charge. i shouldve not have opened my mouth and let Her do what She was doing. i shouldve of waited for Her to ask me for my input. i know i am in trouble and Mistress is displeased with me. i am soo sorry Mistress :( i wasnt allowed to sleep in bed with Her that night after i was banished to the back porch for awhile. She was ignoring me for a couple days but now She is talking to me more. She knows that i hate being ignored-i would rather be whipped harshly. i have learned my lesson and still submitting to Her.

Has anyone else had their dom ignore them as punishment?

crate time...punishment

i really goofed this morning. i woke up in a foul mood. i slept through the alarm and while making coffee i forgot to plug it in. i didnt realize it until i went to drink a cup before Mistress and i had to leave. when Mistress and i got to where W/we were going W/we found out W/we were really early...Mistress had remembered the time wrong. She was able to get in early anyways. i was still trying to wake up and Mistress came out and was raring to go. W/we started walking and i was diddle-dawdling, which is against the rules. Mistress told me to hurry and i answered i was-i just had the wrong tone in my voice. i looked at Mistress and She had that look in Her eye-i knew i had crossed the line. i tried explaining to Mistress that i was grumpy because i hadnt had any coffee. She said that the new rule is i am 100% responsible for everything that comes out of my mouth. She told me when W/we got home i was to immediately get into the crate naked.

when W/we got home, i took my clothes off and got into the crate. i had to sit with my legs crossed, my head down and my palms to my sides with the palms up. Mistress walked by the crate and locked it and told me not to make a sound. i was quiet for awhile. i then saw O/our dog chewing on herself and i said "stop it" before i realized i was saying it. Mistress came out and asked me "didnt i tell you to be quiet". i explained why i spoke to the dog. She said "i don't care, i told you not to make a sound and you will learn". She then got O/our heavy duty mister and sprayed me down with ice cold water. my nipples got really hard. to make it colder Mistress brought in a fan and put it on high on me. i stayed in position while feeling the freezing air on me. the fan was blowing my hair everywhere and a strand of it fell on my nipple. out of habit i went to pluck it off. my nipple was so sensitive that the feel of my fingertips made me "mmmmm". Mistress saw and heard and said "did i tell you that you could touch yourself?". i said no but i was getting a hair off of me and that my nipples were extra sensitive because i was soooo cold. Mistress said "you're cold,huh, well, i can fix that and you will learn not to touch yourself like that without my permission". She left the room for awhile and when She came back-i saw that She had the vibrating egg. now one thing about Mistress, She loves to take toys and "tim the tool man taylor them"~ Her mantra is "more power". She had taken off the original controls for the egg and had spliced it to a battery pack for more & bigger batteries. She handed me the egg and said "put it on your clit and dont you dare take it off until i tell you to". i took the egg and put it on my clit. She turned it on and i almost immediately came. it had soo much power that i felt the vibrations in my teeth. Mistress leaned against the wall and watched me. i felt myself getting ready to orgasm, i asked "may i cum Mistress". She said "not yet". i fought the urge to cum and felt like if i didnt cum that my head was going to pop off. i waited all that i could wait and asked again if i could cum. Mistress gave me permission to. i came and i came hard. my whole body tensed, shook and felt the rush of orgasm. i thought that i was done but when I looked up at Mistress She said "keep it on there". i kept the egg on my too sensitive clit. i moved it a bit to the other side but it hit a more sensitive spot. my eyes almost popped out from the feeling being soo intense. i felt myself on the edge of cumming again. i asked Mistress for permission and She said " cum if you want but you will not take it off of your clit until i say so, cum all you want". i came again but kept the egg on. i knew that if i disobeyed Mistress at this point, the punishment would be alot worse. with every orgasm-they became more intense. my legs were completely numb and i had to lay in the crate on my side. my fingers were numb from the vibrating so i placed my palm over the egg. i had to fold the egg into my pussy lips so it wouldnt slip out of my palm. when i did this-the egg vibrated my whole pussy, including my gspot area in my pussy. Mistress must have sensed it because She moved to get a better view of me. i started to cum while also having the sensation to pee which i knew meant only one thing-time to squirt. as i came i pushed from inside my pussy and i squirted all over my legs and the bottom of the crate. Mistress said "you're not done yet". Mistress loves it when i squirt and She loves watching me make myself cum. i moved around as much as i could so Mistress could see better. i pressed the egg with my palm harder into my pussy so it would vibrate even deeper in my gspot. it took only a few seconds for me to feel myself getting ready to squirt again. when i came i pushed again but instead of the orgasming starting to subside i felt one another one beginning. i was having multiple orgasms and with each one-i squirted more and more. i started to go into convulsive like shakes from sensory overload. i still had the frame of mind to keep the egg on my clit. Mistress asked "have you learned to watch your mouth?". i said "yes Mistress, please no more, i will watch my mouth". She said, "well i want to make sure you remember this so keep it on there". by this point the orgasms were starting to hurt. my clit was oversensitive and it didnt take much for me to cum. i kept the egg on my clit but my side was feeling cramped so i went to turn over, the egg hit another area of my clit and i grabbed a bar of the crate as i felt myself orgasming again. as i came my body tensed and i squirted some more. i told Mistress "no more please, please Mistress no more". She said "not done yet, keep it there". i rolled over on my other side and used my palm to move the egg to a less sensitive area~the area seemed to have more nerve endings then i remembered. i pressed the egg into it as Mistress watched. i felt myself starting to orgasm-it was a different kind of orgasm. as i came i felt an explosion from deep inside my pussy-i pushed and gushed a big pool onto the crate floor. i have squirted before but never gushed. Mistress said " have you learned your lesson". i said "yes,Mistress". She said "ok-next time you get mouthy you will be in here longer and the punishment will be worse".

She let me out and i asked permission to go and shower. She watched me shower and i could tell that She was really horny from watching me orgasm and squirt in the crate. the children are going to be home soon so i dont know what more She has planned. will keep ya posted.

routine on the homefront....

the children started back to school and i have been fall cleaning the house...cleaning it as much as i can when W/we are at home. my typical day is as follows:

5:30 am. i get up to walk the dog and start my coffee. i start the dishwasher from the night before.i do my morning checking & responding of personal email and then do some work on the computer for the organizations i work for...during which i drink a few cups of my strong coffee. the oldest child is generally up getting ready for school and we discuss what activities she has going on that day. she leaves at 6:45ish.

7 am. i get youngest up for school and while she is getting ready i finish up any computer work. i empty the dishwasher & discuss with youngest any activities she has going on that day. i feed her breakfast and she goes out to the bus at 7:45ish. i watch her from the window as the bus stop is right in front of our place. she is at the age now where she is wanting to be independent enough to stand by herself to talk with all of her friends but still see me looking from the window.

depending on what time W/we have to be somewhere-i wake up Mistress about an hour before W/we have to leave. i ask Her if She is in the mood for breakfast and if so-ask Her what She wants and i make it for Her. i serve Her in front of Her laptop while She is doing Her morning routine. i eat beside Her while also doing more computer work. W/we also chat about what W/we have to do that day. when Mistress is done-She hands me Her plate and i put dishes into the dishwasher . i walk the dog again.

W/we do our daily errands. when W/we get home, i ask Mistress if She is hungry and if She is i make Her something to eat. i will make me something also if i am hungry. Mistress eats lunch with a dr. pepper and i eat mine with a diet pepsi. when Mistress is done She hands me Her plate and i put the dishes in the dishwasher. Mistress then either relaxes while watching tv or takes a nap. it is generally during this time that Mistress will punish me for any infractions. if i am not to be punished then i use this time to clean up around the house. each day i focus on a specific room to deep clean. i walk the dog again.

2:30 the children get home from school and it is homework time. the youngest will read to one of us for 15-20 minutes and practice her writing for 15 minutes.

4:00 the oldest will have her computer time while the youngest goes outside to play. Mistress keeps an eye on her while i vacuum the entire house. She will also walk the dog with the youngest.

5:00 i start dinner and all daily chores are to be done. while dinner is cooking i check my computer to see if i need to do any work at that time.

6:00 dinner. during dinner we talk with the children about what went on that day and other things.

6:45 everyone is done by now. i clear the table, load up the dishes into the dishwasher and get it ready to start later.i also wipe down the entire kitchen with disinfectant wipes.

7:00 Mistress and i take O/our showers while the youngest has her computer time.

8:30 the youngest will take her shower and get ready for bed.

8:45ish i walk the dog again. when i get back in Mistress will turn down the house.

9:00 the youngest goes to bed and Mistress and i retire to bed with O/our door shut. W/we have a dry eraser board on O/our door so if the children want U/us to know something that is not 911 vital-they can write it on there for U/us to read later. W/we have the same thing on the fridge to leave messages for the children if W/we dont expect to be home when they return from school.

W/we do as Mistress wishes. wether it be play, internet surfing, watching a movie or whatever.

so that is my typical day. sometimes life happens & the routine goes out the window. even then the central focus of anything to me is Mistress and the children.

i havent had any infractions so i am really proud to not have displeased Mistress in any way :)

the other side of the coin is that there has been so much going on that W/we both have been too tired to play. i am not stressed about it. now dont get me wrong-i love it when Mistress ravages me. however there is more to O/our marriage that hot sex. i know once things settle down....Mistress will have me begging for mercy...not that She'd give in to me begging. the sex isnt over until She says its over....no complaints from me :)