a sick slave's insecurity

this bug has really kicked me off of my ass. i have been doing my best to keep up with my duties and havent been able to complete all of them. Mistress hasnt complained but i still feel like i am not holding up my end of things. i am one of those that gets sick from watching a cold medicine commercial. that is why i like to keep things clean. my philosophy is that if you can't eat off of it then its not clean. Mistress calls me a germophobe. i carry around hand sanitizer everywhere. i am not "monk-ish" but close.

anyhoo...since i have been resting up alot (Mistress's orders) i have been doing alot of thinking (Mistress has smelled alot of smoke-lol). I am starting to slide into the big 4-0...as much as i have tried to deny it...it bothers me that i am getting older. i still get carded when buying alcohol which always feels great. i have just noticed more wrinkles and my hair has alot more grey lately. i could care less what other people think but i often wonder if my aging is affecting how Mistress sees me. Mistress says i am being ridiculous when i share my insecurities that She is no longer attracted to me. logically i agree but lately insecure thoughts have been roaming around my head. i have been feeling more down lately which has sunk my self esteem. next week i am going in to get my bipolar meds adjusted~that should help with my moods and lift my self esteem back to normal.

the children have also been sick and now Mistress is coming down with the bug. needless to say Mistress and i havent had any quality time. our oldest daughter had a talk with me the other day. she had asked me to do something she could do for herself. i told her i was in the middle of something and could she do it herself. she got a little pissy and mentioned that i dont do everything for her or her sister but i do everything for my wife. i told her that i dont do everything but i do alot because that is how we want our marriage to work. she just rolled her eyes at me and walked away. i know teens will be teens so i didnt get mad or defensive. our oldest daughter may know that our marriage isnt like alot of other marriages. she is 17 and very intuitive. she doesnt ask so we dont tell. our youngest hasnt a clue. she is almost 9 and we are very careful to be more guarded around her since she is at an impressionable age. we don't even let her watch the news. our grown son and his wife know some of our dynamic but not all of it.

well-its 3:30 am and i need to try to get some more sleep. this cough has been keeping me up. i took some syrup and its starting to make me sleepy. i have been looking for my hot taudy recipe but havent found it yet. does anyone know of a good recipe to knock out this cold???