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Friday, July 11, 2008

Was I born to be a submissive?

Mistress still isnt feeling well. She is running a low fever and needs rest to feel better. Last night while watching a movie with her, I was thinking on if I was born to be a submissive or did it come about from my life experiences.

In my childhood I was always a caretaker. I was independent but also felt the need to give to others. I also had a high pain threshold and being an early bloomer, I was sexually precocious. My first lover was a female friend & satisfying her gave me more pleasure than having my own orgasms. Her and I experimented with different things and I found out the smell and touch of leather makes me very horny & wet.

My first male lover was much older than me & was very patient in teaching me how to give blowjobs and fuck men. After I left home I met and fell in love with a man who was into light bondage and spanking me while we were fucking. He also had certain rules I had to abide by or I would be punished and forbidden to cum. He also introduced me to swinging and I loved fucking women for him to watch.

My first master was a man from Spain. I met him at a BDSM club and he was whipping one of his slaves. The sight of it instantly turned me on and I was envious of the slave who was getting whipped. Him and I talked for awhile and I was awed by his aura of power and confident assertivenes. We exchanged phone numbers and for the next few weeks we chatted on a nightly basis. I inquired on if he would think about training me. He said we would meet the next day for lunch and then go to his house for my first scene. His house was huge but I was most impressed by the dungeon he had set up in his basement. We talked about what things were off limits to me and what things I was interested in. He then ordered me to disrobe and fold my clothes and put them on the stool I was sitting on. I was in such a hurry that I didnt really fold the clothing the best I could. He swatted my ass with his open hand and said "Fold them again-and do it right this time". I obliged. He then put handcuffs on my wrists and then chained me to a hook on the wall and told me to spread my legs. He put a blindfold & gag on me. He then put a rock in my hand and put a metal bowl under that hand on the floor. He said that if I wanted him to stop at anytime, to drop the rock in the bowl and he would stop immediately. I heard him step away from me and then I heard nothing. It seemed like forever until I felt a flogger being caressed down my back and into my ass and teasing my pussy. My pussy was getting moist and my nipples were starting to get hard. I then felt the flogger leave my skin and then felt it slap against my back. It hurt soo good and just made me more turned on. I moved my body to be closer to him while he was flogging me. The more he flogged me, the more pain I felt and the more horny I became. I then felt his breath close to my ear and he said that he was going to next leave marks on me. He left again and right after I smelled his cologne again, I felt a slash across my back. I realized he was using a whip on me. It felt alot better than the flogger and my head was getting an euphoric rush from the pain. As the pain grew more intense-the glow behind my eyes was getting brighter. I became unaware of the physical world around me and felt like I was floating on clouds. I was on the clouds for a bit and then I became aware of his arm around me while with the other hand he was taking me off of the wall. He kept the blindfold and gag on and led me further into his dungeon. I heard him unlock a door and he took me into a room and told me to sit. When I sat I realized I was on a bed. He then took off the blindfold and gag. He turned me onto my stomache and hooked my handcuffed hands to a hook on the headboard of the bed.

He raised me onto my knees and proceeded to fuck me doggystyle. Being fucked after all the glorious pain was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. I felt myself ready to cum, he realized it too and said "Don't cum until I say so slave". He fucked me for what seemed like an eternity and I needed to cum real bad. He then said "Cum now,right now slave". I came really hard in multiple orgasms and felt him cumming. He then unhooked my hands and told me to lick our juices off of his cock. I obliged. He then had me look into the full length mirror at my back and ass. They were both full of slash marks. I liked the look of them and thanked master. He then had me lay down on my stomache on the bed and he proceeded to rub ointment onto my slashes.

I was his slave for 3 years. I have children and he wasnt into having children in his house so it wasnt a 24/7 arrangement. On the weekends that the children were gone at relatives or friends, I would stay at his house and have a 24/7 weekend. Unfortunately his father passed away after a long illness and he went back to Spain to take care of his mother (he is their oldest son).

After him I have been searching for another dom. When I met my wife, she had never been involved with m/s as much as I have. I just sensed in her that she would be the perfect domme for me. We talked about it and are now in a 24/7 m/s relationship.

After thinking about it while writing this entry-I believe my being a submissive is a result of both by nature & nurture. What do you think?

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